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I shook my head. "No. I don't want to make it weird for everyone. It's inevitable that I see him. He's Grant's cousin. But I just don't want to get too involved. It's one thing to spend time with Simon in a group setting. It's another thing to spend time with him alone." I didn't add that I was planning on begging off any get-togethers that he would be a part of. I didn't tell Sarah because I knew she would protest. Besides, I knew it wasn't feasible to avoid Simon completely. I wouldn't always know beforehand when he would be around. But I could try to minimize contact with him as much as possible.
"I don't know what to say," Sarah said, looking at me sympathetically. "I'm so sorry, Caitlin. I feel so powerless. I don't know what to do."
I smiled at her gently. "There's nothing to do except hope that tonight was an anomaly. Maybe the visions will fade back to me just being a spectator. Maybe they'll lessen. I don't know. But I can handle it. Whatever my mind throws at me, I can handle it." This was a lie. I had felt something break in me earlier in my vision. I don't know if it had been my sanity or my desire to continue to live. I wasn't sure at this point and I didn't want to examine it. And the last thing I wanted was for Sarah to worry more than she already was.
"Now, let's get back to those pancakes," I said brightly, ignoring Sarah's answering frown. "Especially since I remember Jenny saying she was coming over for breakfast."
Sarah let me change the subject as I laughed about some of the costumes I had seen last night. She watched me make the pancake batter and I pretended not to see the growing concern in her eyes.
CHAPTER TWELVE
Mercifully, the rest of the day was uneventful. Jenny came over as promised, and we gorged on pancakes as we kept the conversation light. Jenny seemed to accept my explanation of having drank too much the previous night for my erratic behavior and I was grateful for that. It made it easier to ignore Sarah's occasional sidelong glances when she thought I wasn't looking.
I changed the topic every time Simon came up. Sarah knew not to bring him up, but Jenny didn't hesitate to talk about him. I couldn't tell her I wasn't planning on being friends with him anymore because there was no explanation I could give without revealing too much.
So when Jenny talked about how upset the crowd had been when Simon didn't return to the stage, even when Grant and Marcus tried to placate them with some old Henchmen tunes with Marcus trying to fill in the vocals, I asked her about her progress with Marcus. Fortunately, she sunk her teeth into the topic with relish and I wasn't required to do more than nod and make encouraging sounds.
By the time Jenny left, it was mid-afternoon. Jenny was going out to dinner with some of the girls from her dorm and Sarah and I declined her invitation to join them, claiming exhaustion which was the truth.
Sarah and I hung out in comfortable silence for the rest of the afternoon, watching one mindless TV show after another. Even though today was actually Halloween, we didn't have to worry about trick-or-treaters since the neighborhood was filled with college students. We were just discussing what to do about dinner when there was a knock at the door. I tensed, hoping it wasn't Simon, which didn't explain my disappointment when Sarah answered the door and Grant stepped in.
"Hi Grant," I said as he fell into the recliner.
"How are you feeling?" Grant asked, looking genuinely concerned. I had been afraid that he would be mad at me for taking Simon away and ruining their show.
"I'm okay," I replied with an embarrassed smile. "Sorry for wrecking things last night. I couldn't seem to convince Simon to stay."
Grant smiled gently. "That's okay. When he came back in, he pretty much told me there was no way in hell he was getting back on stage and that he was taking you home. He said you were pretty shaken up. My girls are more important than some show. I would've come too but he wouldn't let me."
I felt warmth pool inside me at his words. I knew how much the Henchmen meant to Grant, and the fact that he was so cavalier about their ruined show made me realize how much he cared about me. I felt as if I didn't deserve his affection.
"I promise next time I freak out, I do it in private."
Grant furrowed his forehead. "Why did you freak out? And what exactly happened last night after you guys left? I went over to Simon's earlier today and he looked like he hadn't gotten any sleep and a semi-truck had steamrolled over him. He told me he didn't want any company and when I asked him what was wrong, he just shut the door in my face." Grant looked indignant at his last statement.
I steeled myself against Grant's comments. I didn't need to know how much Simon had been affected by last night. Sarah had sat down next to me on the couch, looking at me worriedly.
"Nothing," I said. "He just walked me home and then left. And I just had too much to drink last night."
Grant nodded and I wasn't sure if he accepted my explanation but he didn't comment on it any further. Sarah mentioned that we were just deciding on what to do for dinner and asked if he and Marcus wanted to join us.
Grant nodded eagerly. "Simon had said yesterday before the party that he wanted everyone to come over for dinner tonight, but when I brought it up again today, he said not to bother to come over unless I wanted to eat his fist for dinner." Grant shook his head but laughed. "Of course, that was before he slammed the door in my face."
Sarah gasped. "That's an awful thing to say!"
Grant waved his hand dismissively. "Simon didn't mean it. He tends to just spout off when he's annoyed." Grant quickly looked at me. "Not that he would do that to you girls. It's just cause we're like brothers."
I pretended not to notice Grant's defense of Simon to me, as if Grant didn't want me to think badly of Simon. To give me any hesitation to be with him. Grant didn't realize that there was already no possibility between me and Simon.
"Tell Marcus to come over," Sarah said. "We'll order out. I don't think anyone's in the mood to cook today." She glanced over at me when she said this.
Grant texted Marcus, too lazy to go downstairs again. I apologized to Marcus too about last night when he arrived, but he just smiled and said it was no big deal. Like I knew he would.
We ended up ordering Chinese food and continued to watch bad television. Fortunately, nothing more was said about Simon.
**********
I was settling into bed after having washed my face and brushed my teeth when my cell phone rang. I frowned and checked the time. It was almost midnight. I couldn't imagine who would be calling me so late.
