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The shirt wasn’t helping, so I tossed it back on the bed and dug through my bag and pulled on a pair of panties. Panties Jack had picked out when he’d packed. In fact, everything in the bag he’d picked out. And I noticed quickly that the only undergarments he’d given me were white lace thongs.
And there went the Way Back Train again, pulling through my mind attached with all the ghosts of memory past. Like when I’d worn panties just like this and Jack had ripped them away before taking me for the first time. The first man to really make love to me.
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I dug through the bag in hopes of finding something that didn’t remind me of either of them. But what I found at the very bottom surprised me. My running shoes. The shoes Cal had given me. Jack had packed them for me.
I finally came to a fuzzy set of pajamas.
Thank God he’d packed me warm sleepwear. Pink flannel pants and a long-sleeved shirt. Now wasn’t the time for sexy, it was time to be practical. To figure out what I was doing, because being a slave to emotions was not helping anything.
Getting snug in the PJ’s and running my fingers through my damp hair, I heard deep voices come from down the hall.
I cracked my bedroom door open slightly and the voices were clear. Jack and Cal.
“There’s nothing to discuss,” Cal said, his voice echoing down the hall.
“Bullshit, there isn’t,” Jack said. “You’re still trying for Lana.”
I put my hand over my mouth. I knew this would be addressed. But had no idea the guys would talk about it without me. Much less not confront me. All I could do was stand and listen quietly.
“Why are you pissed? Because you realize that just because you got to her first, doesn’t take me out of the running?”
“It’s never been about first,” Jack snapped the last word.
“Like hell it hasn’t,” Cal fired back. “I backed off. Because she’s important to you. But now, guess what? She’s important to me too. Do you have any idea what it was like, what it still is like competing with not just you, but your fucking memory? She loves you, always has, and I have to deal with that every God damn day because I didn’t get to her first!”
I stifled a gasp, hearing Cal’s raw voice deepen on the admission.
“You’re right,” Jack said, and my eyes shot wide, listening to his strong tone sort out logic. “I couldn’t have done what you did. I couldn’t handle it. I can barely handle it now, knowing she needs you in a way I can’t give her.”
A heavy breath was released, and I didn’t know if it was Jack or Cal or maybe me? I just clutched the door frame, hoping it would keep me upright, because my knees were shaking.
“You’re my family,” Jack said. “I’d give you anything. But I can’t let her go.”
“I know,” Cal said with a soft understanding. “I feel the same, brother. I can’t let her go either. So, where does that leave us?”
Though I couldn’t see them, I knew Jack. Knew the intense gaze he got when thinking through a problem. I could envision him subtly shaking his head.
“I don’t know.”
That was a direct hit to my lungs. Jack always knew. Always had a plan. Yet I was beyond his logic and coming between them. Bile rose in my throat because it was the last thing I’d ever wanted to do.
“All this will end, eventually,” Jack finally said. “We have her now, but I don’t know for how long.”
I heard a rustle of movement and pictured Cal crossing his arms over his chest. “We won’t get another chance after this.”
“No, we won’t. So, we have now. We have her now. And all we can do is use this time wisely.”
“You mean…”
“I mean we have to suck it up and let her choose. Give her whatever she needs while we can, and in the end, it’s up to her who she takes home with her.”
“Fuck,” Cal whispered, which was exactly what I was thinking. Because I told them I couldn’t choose, and I meant it. But they told me they’d fight. So there we were, all three of us battling each other and the future and our own wills.
“So, that’s the plan?” Cal asked. “That we have no plan.”
“As much as I hate it, yes. Because she’s more important than our plans and we put her in this position to start with.”
