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“Or a lot, babe.”
* * *
Later, as she slept in my arms, I made plans. I ran my fingers up and down her smooth skin, relishing the feel of her. I loved her. She was mine; nothing my mother could do or say was going to change that. I thought of Danielle, of what had happened. I would never forgive my parents for what they’d done to her. My heart was closed against them forever.
To Danielle, whose life was taken too early, I sent out silent love and prayers that she’d gone on to a better place and that maybe she could forgive me. As I sat there in the dark, I tried to forgive myself. I had no idea who my parents were when I was eighteen. I had an inkling… but I hadn’t realized the depths they would sink to in order to protect their precious, useless ideals.
I hadn’t known they were capable of murder.
I watched Audrey’s chest rise and fall. I was almost forty. I’d spent the last twenty years shielding myself from love, from feeling connected to another person. There’d been too much pain when Danielle died. I don’t even think I’d realized what I was doing—burying myself in my work, developing an endless list of projects, dating women I didn’t even like. But I didn’t regret any of it except for the loss of Danielle. Because each step had brought me to needing to hire a date for my baby brother’s wedding, and that date had ended up being Audrey.
Who was the love of my life.
“Audrey.” I said. “Wake up.”
“What?” she asked, alarmed, and sat straight up. “What’s the matter?”
“Nothing,” I said, still stroking her skin. “I just wanted to tell you something.”
She lay back down, still half-asleep. “What is it?”
“I love you,” I said.
“I love you, too,” she said. She put her hand on my chest, tracing my muscle.
“You’re moving to Los Angeles with me,” I said.
“Yes. I told you I would. If your mother doesn’t run me off the road first. ”
“And you’re going to bring your brother.”
“I have to, James,” she said. “I can’t leave him with my mother. We’ll have to get all the legal stuff taken care of, and now we’re gonna have to fight your mom’s lawyer—”
“But we’re going to take care of all of that. I want him to come too, Audrey. I know how much you love him. I just need to know that’s still what you want.”
“Of course it is,” she said. “I wish it wasn’t, because then I wouldn’t have caused you all this trouble—”
“Stop,” I said, cutting her off again. “Please don’t ever say that again.”
“Okay.” Her voice was cautious. “Please tell me what’s going on with you.”
“I just want you to promise me,” I said. “I don’t want us to ever be separated again. I just don’t want to waste any more time.”
“Okay,” Audrey said again, nestling against me. She was quiet for a minute, and I thought she’d fallen asleep. “What’s it gonna be like?”
“What?”
“Living in your mansion in California,” she giggled. “The way things are going, it seems like we’re never going to get there.” She yawned. “Like it’s a fairy tale…”
I wrapped my arms around her. “Well, my house isn’t a mansion—not exactly. It’s all one level, up in the hills. I have a great view when there’s no smog. And I get all the sports stations, every single one. Even in my room.” I smiled at her in the darkness, picturing her in my house. “You can have your own closet, and if you behave, your own shelf in the bathroom.”
“If I’m living with you, I’m going to need more than one shelf,” she laughed.
“Well, okay. You can have more than one. If you’re good. What else is my house like… hmmm… I have a really big refrigerator.”
“Bigger than the one in Boston? ’Cause that thing’s huge,” she said.
“Yes, it’s bigger. And no offense, but Audrey, a Barbie mansion has a bigger refrigerator than the one you have in Southie.”
