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Trace and I had been polar opposites from the get go but somehow that and our ten-year age difference didn’t affect the bond we’d shared. Trace was the classic high-energy extrovert who excelled at athletics and earned every popularity title known to man. I’d only been eight when he’d come out to our parents at the age of eighteen, so I hadn’t understood the struggle he’d been going through from the time he’d turned fourteen and figured out he was gay. And while he hadn’t been around much as I’d struggled with my own sexuality, I had no doubt that the risk he’d taken in telling our parents had paved the way for me, because my mother had actually hugged me when I mustered enough courage to tell my parents the truth one night over dinner when I was twelve. My father had given me a hearty slap on the back, said it was about time and asked me to pass the peas.
My brother had also been my protector from the time my parents brought me home from the hospital and told him he needed to look out for his little brother. Trace had taken their words to heart and had spent the next six months sleeping on the floor next to my crib so that he would be there if I needed him. And while we’d had our tussles as we’d grown older, I’d known Trace would always be there for me. But there was one love I couldn’t compete with and it wasn’t Ronan. Trace’s love for the military held no equal and I’d finally understood that when I’d gone with my parents to Trace’s graduation from basic training. I’d never seen my brother more alive and in his element and I’d been strangely envious because I’d feared I’d never be a part of something like that.
Like Trace, I’d excelled in school but unlike him, I’d struggled to find my place in the various social circles that ran rampant in the private school I’d attended. I’d ended up escaping into my books more often than not and could count on one hand how many friends I had managed to scrape together. But where Trace was always on the go, I’d relished staying home and spending time with both my parents. My mother had been a music teacher so I’d spent many hours learning various instruments, though it never became a true passion for me like it had been for her. My father had often worked long hours but weekends were our thing and he’d often taken me boating on all the different lakes the region had to offer. As I’d gotten older, I’d started asking him questions about his work and that had turned into dreams of one day standing side by side with him running the company. I’d even spent the summer before they’d died working at my father’s office. I hadn’t done much more than get coffee and perform basic administrative tasks like sorting the mail and filing, but it had given me a chance to see my father in action. I’d idolized him in every sense of the word.
And now I was him…or I was trying to be anyway. But as much as I’d hoped to feel that thing that Trace had felt when he’d joined the military, it hadn’t happened yet. My teachers and Stan said I had a head for business but I still felt like I was playing a role…like I was trying to fill shoes that maybe weren’t meant to be filled.
I glanced at Ronan whose hand was still covering mine. “How did you know you wanted to be a doctor?”
Ronan’s grip on me tightened before he released me and I instantly regretted the question. As much as I wanted us to be friends, I needed to remember that we weren’t those kinds of friends. We were friends with boundaries…a lot of boundaries, if the tight look on Ronan’s face was anything to go by.
“Sorry,” I mumbled before turning my attention back out the window.
“I didn’t know,” Ronan said quietly. I risked looking at him as he spoke. “Not at first. I enrolled in medical school for someone else.”
I knew next to nothing about Ronan’s past and I could tell from the hard set of his jaw that he likely would prefer it that way. But I wanted desperately to know more so I said, “Who?”
Ronan swallowed hard. “My father.”
I would have liked to explore that revelation more but I sensed it was a topic that was off limits. “But you fell in love with it?”
The tension eased from Ronan and he nodded. Finally, safer ground.
“Where did you go to school?”
“Stanford.”
We were back to the one word answers but I didn’t care. He was still talking. “Wow, I had no idea you were a geek,” I said with a smile.
