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Ronan glanced at me in surprise. “What?”
“Stanford…that’s like Ivy League shit, right?”
I felt my body go all warm when Ronan chuckled. “Actually, no.”
“Well, it should be.”
Ronan didn’t respond but I didn’t miss the small smile that graced his lips and actually stayed there. “So did you do anything bad while you were in school?”
“What do you mean?”
I shifted in my seat so I could see his reactions better. “Pranks, practical jokes, that sort of thing.”
Ronan didn’t say anything but I laughed when I saw his jaw tick. “You did!”
An even wider smile spread across his mouth and I wanted to lean in and kiss him. “Tell me.”
He glanced at me and then finally said, “One of my classmates and I rigged a cadaver to move. Scared the shit out of the guy who was about to cut into it.”
“No,” I whispered in horror. “What else?”
“Nothing. That one act of rebellion almost got me expelled so I walked the straight and narrow after that.”
“So what, you were a goody two-shoes?” I asked in surprise.
“Does anyone even say that anymore?” Ronan teased. I was so caught off guard by the jab and the grin on his face that I didn’t realize the car had stopped moving until he turned to face me. “We’re here,” he said gently and then motioned behind me. I turned and sure enough, we were sitting in the driveway of my old house. The anxiety was instantaneous and I was glad when Ronan covered my hand with his again.
The home where my parents had chosen to live during the week was a sedate colonial that looked like countless other homes in middle class neighborhoods, but it sat on a large lot that had a great view of the water and beautifully landscaped gardens that my mother had spent years getting just right. At nearly ten thousand square feet, the gothic Tudor style house on Whidbey Island dwarfed this house and no expense had been spared in designing it. But as much as I’d always liked our vacation home, it was the relatively small, four-bedroom house with the black shutters and simple window boxes that had always felt like home to me…until it hadn’t.
“Do you want to go?” Ronan asked.
Yes.
I shook my head. “No. I just need a minute.”
Ronan fell silent but he didn’t release my hand which I was grateful for since I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to actually let him go at that moment. I wasn’t sure how long we sat there for but when I heard someone shouting from across the street, I nearly jumped out of my skin.
“It’s just some guys working on the roof across the street,” Ronan said gently.
I nodded but I couldn’t stop the panic that started to overtake me.
“Seth, look at me,” Ronan ordered and then his hands were on my face. “Take a breath and hold it,” he ordered.
I did as he said but couldn’t manage to hold it. “Try again,” Ronan urged.
I swallowed hard and then sucked in a breath. It seemed like forever before Ronan told me to release it and then he was telling me to do it again. I did it at least a dozen times before Ronan told me to stop and I was surprised to find it easier to breathe again.
“How long have you been coming here?” Ronan asked.
“Not long,” I admitted. “I started going into the office about a month ago. The choice to come out here was an impulse…I hadn’t seen it since that night.”
“Have you gone inside?”
I shook my head. “I haven’t been able to get out of the car.”
Ronan nodded in understanding. “Are you hoping to move back here someday?”
“No,” I said adamantly. “Never.”
“Then why not just sell it?”
I’d asked myself that same question a thousand times. Even Barry, who I’d expected would have encouraged me to slay my demons before getting rid of the house, had said it would be a mistake to come back here.
“I…I need to let it go first, you know? If I don’t…”
“You’re afraid you’ll only remember it the way it was that night.”
I nodded. “So many good things happened in this house. But it’s hard to remember them.”
“There’s no rush, Seth. It’ll happen when you’re ready.”
I dropped my eyes. “It’s been six years, Ronan. I need it to be over.”
I could feel Ronan’s eyes on me for a long time and then he released my hand. But instead of starting up the car, he got out and walked around to my side and opened the door. He took my hand and linked our fingers together. “Then let’s do this.”
Chapter Seventeen
Ronan
Seth’s hand was clammy and cold in mine and part of me wanted to turn around and lead him back to the car so he wouldn’t have to do this. But the desperation in his voice and knowing how long the home he’d once loved had tormented him for had me steeling myself to face whatever struggle Seth would have to go through so he could end this. Although I was in front of Seth, I made sure not to force him forward and when we finally reached the front door, I handed him the car keys. I waited patiently as he sucked in a deep breath and took the keys and then searched through them until he found the house key. It took him a few seconds to get the key into the lock but then he froze. His whole body was stiff with tension and he was shaking violently.
