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"You have some flecks of blood on you," I said as I motioned to his face. I was feeling too off balance to risk touching him anymore, so I handed him the washcloth and took a step back. The need to escape was intense. "I should head home."
Nikolai ran the washcloth over his face and then tossed it into the sink. I could feel him behind me as I left the bathroom and hurried through the bedroom. I heard Nikolai talking behind me, but I could tell he wasn't talking to me, but rather to someone on the phone about replacing him outside my door for the rest of the night.
Of course.
Because he couldn’t fuck Angel in peace unless I was safe.
Because I was just a job.
Angel wouldn’t be. The pink-haired cutie was sweet and fun and easy.
And he’d soon be the recipient of Nikolai’s unwavering attention, his laser-like focus.
What would it be like to have someone focus that kind of attention on me? Just because they wanted to? Not because it was their job, but because it was a need? What would it be like if it was someone like Nikolai? Someone strong and kind with a good heart but a little bit rough around the edges? Someone who said what they thought but didn't strive to hurt with their words?
No, someone wasn’t enough. I didn’t want just someone. I wanted Nikolai.
I sighed because I was thinking about things that were irrelevant. Tonight had been a monumental disaster but tomorrow would be a new day.
It would be a normal day.
It would be my brand of normal because that was all I knew. That was why, even if some miracle of fate confirmed Nikolai was gay, I had to let tonight go and go back to being Jude Archer tomorrow. He might not be real, but he was acceptable.
He was valued.
He was… enough.
Chapter 11
Nikolai
I was only a little surprised the following morning when the door opened promptly at five a.m. and Jude stepped out of his apartment in his regular workout clothes. Most people probably would've slept in a bit after the harrowing events of the night before, but I was quickly coming to learn that Jude wasn't most people.
What was different about this morning was the way Jude looked at me when he saw me. Instead of the normal “Oh, you're still here" look I was used to getting from him, he appeared to be surprised to see me. His eyes went from my face to my hand. Since my knuckles were more bruised than anything else, I hadn't bothered to put a bandage on them.
Jude's reaction to the sight of my hand was clear. He was disturbed by it and I couldn't really blame him. I was disturbed by what had happened the night before. I'd gone completely off the rails with Tiny, the biker wannabe. Hell, if Jude and the bouncer hadn’t stopped me, I likely would've put the man in the hospital. I’d had no sense of control as I’d laid into Tiny. All I'd been able to see in my head were his fingers wrapped around Jude's slim throat and Jude's eyes filled with fear as he’d realized he couldn't escape. Logically, I knew that Jude hadn't been in any true danger since we’d been in the middle of a very busy nightclub, but to my own shock and horror, logic had faded to the background and emotion had taken over.
If that hadn't been bad enough, everything that had followed would be another for the record books. Instead of getting Jude safely home and reporting the incident to Mike, I'd basically dragged Jude against his will to my own apartment. I’d told myself that I’d just needed to make sure he was okay, but that hadn't been entirely true. The fact was that I’d been reluctant to let him go because I’d needed him.
No, not even reluctant.
Absolutely unwilling.
I'd still been out of control and on edge and Jude's presence had been the only thing keeping me from going over. I’d needed him more in that moment than he’d needed me, and that didn't make for a good bodyguard.
After Jude had returned to his apartment, I'd had to wait a few minutes for my relief to arrive and then I'd slunk back into the apartment and downed several drinks. Since it had been the middle of the night, I’d sent Mike a text letting him know that he and I would need to talk in the morning. I hadn’t told him why.
That I needed off this job.
I was almost certain that Jude wouldn't resist any future security people that were assigned to him.
Almost certain, but not one hundred percent. That was the part that was giving me pause. On the one hand, I needed to get away from Jude before I did something beyond stupid, not to mention incredibly unprofessional. But on the other, the idea of not being the one to keep Jude safe was making my head spin.
