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You live.
You love.
You lose.
You heal.
You move on.
I held my head high as I spoke. “Gramps, is one of the most remarkable people I’ve ever met. He welcomed me into the Wentworth family with open arms. He made me feel comfortable, but most importantly he made me feel loved. And I loved him back, like he was my own grandpa. I spent a lot of time with him over the years and he became not only my family, but a friend as well. When I say I’m going to miss him, it doesn’t encompass the magnitude in which I’ll feel empty. There will always be a part of me missing because of his loss. But I won’t dwell on his death. Gramps wouldn’t want me to do that. I’ll remember him often and I’ll always love him.” I squeezed Trace’s hand, letting him know I was finished speaking.
I expected us to sit down, but he tightened his hold on my hand so that I couldn’t move. He swallowed thickly and a heavy breath gusted between his lips. “Gramps was more than a grandpa to me. After my dad died, he helped fill that role. I was in a bad place for a long time after my dad died, but Gramps never gave up on me. I put my family through hell, but they stood by my side, and with Gramps’ help I found my way back home…and I eventually found the love of my life. Without Gramps, there are so many things I wouldn’t have today. I’m not going to lie, I’m angry that he’s gone. Really fucking angry. But that’s life, sometimes bad things happen and we have to decide how to deal with them. I’m not the same person I was when my dad died,” he stopped, taking a moment to compose himself. “I was a boy then, but now I’m a man. I’ve grown a lot since then, and I won’t let this break me. Like Olivia said, I’ll always remember and love him.”
We sat down together and everyone was silent, soaking in our words.
Grammy began to cry beside Trace and he released my hand to hug her. “It’s okay, Grammy,” he rubbed her back. “We’re all here for you.”
When he turned back to me, I said, “I thought you weren’t going to say anything?”
“I wasn’t,” he shrugged. “But after you spoke…it would’ve been wrong not to say anything.”
After Trent gave a short speech, Trace opened his guitar case.
“I’d like to sing a song to honor Gramps’ memory,” he cleared his throat.
His mom smiled.
He pulled his chair out and turned it around so he was facing everyone.
He strummed the guitar lightly, closing his eyes as his teeth bit into his bottom lip.
“’Oh, oh, oh, oh,’” he began. “Somewhere over the rainbow, way up high, and the dreams that you dream of once in a lullaby. Somewhere over the rainbow, bluebirds fly, and the dreams that you dream of. Dreams really do come true. Some day, I’ll wish upon a star and wake up where the clouds are far behind me. Where troubles melt like lemondrops high above the chimney tops. That’s where you’ll find me.’”
I closed my eyes, listening to the song and soaking in the words.
When he finished singing, I heard Grammy sniffling and even his mom was crying. There was a lone tear on my cheek and I swiped it away.
“That was beautiful,” I told him as he packed his guitar back up. “That was different that the original,” I stated. “Did you change it yourself?”
“No,” he shook his head. “That’s Jason Castro’s version.”
“It was perfect,” I placed a hand on his arm. “Very fitting.” We stood, standing by the casket.
“Yes, it is,” he skimmed his fingers over the mahogany top. “Gramps is with the rainbows now.”
Everyone was hugging and saying goodbye. I managed to keep Trace from leaving, saying I wanted a moment longer. When everyone was gone, I pulled his letter from my purse. Trace watched my movements carefully, eyeing the letter with apprehension.
“Here,” I handed Trace his. “Gramps gave me this when he was in the hospital.” His hands gripped the envelope tightly and I feared he might rip it. “I don’t know what it says, but I think you should read it. There’s one for me too,” I pulled the second letter from my purse.
He took a deep breath, staring at his name scrawled on the envelope.
“I don’t know if I can do this,” he confessed.
“I don’t know I can either,” I admitted. “Maybe we should do it together?” I suggested.
He nodded and we sat beneath the tree. The leaves cast shadows over us and we both stared at the sealed envelopes, reluctant to open them. He looked at me and I looked at him. At the same time, we ripped the envelopes open.
I pulled the piece of paper out carefully, like it was a precious artifact I was worried I might damage.
