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“Pulled pork,” Jerry replied, setting a platter on the table and waving his hand for us to sit.
We had no more than started to eat until he asked me, “Jude said you were a friend from school, what are you studying?”
“Journalism,” I answered, waiting for the dirty look. Anytime I told people what I was studying they would cringe and tell me, ‘good luck with that.’
Jerry didn’t do that.
His smile widened. “Good for you.”
As we ate, he lapsed into tales of Jude and all the shenanigans he’d pulled on the farm. Like trying to ride a cow, falling off the tractor when he was ten and breaking his arm, and skinny dipping with the girl on the next farm over at fourteen. Jude shrugged sheepishly at that one.
“Always a ladies man, that one,” Jerry chuckled. “I’d like to see him settle down
before I die.”
“Pap!” Jude groaned, setting his fork down. “How many times have I told you not to talk about that?”
“Face it, boy, we all die someday and it’s looking like my someday is around the corner. Between my age and my mind, I’m a ticking bomb.”
Jude frowned, his shoulders slumping with sadness. “I don’t like to think about it,” he mumbled.
“I ain’t going to live forever,” Jerry tried to get Jude to look at him, “might as well accept that fact.”
“I’m not very hungry anymore,” Jude pushed away from the table and stormed from the room without looking at either of us. I heard his boots pound against the steps.
Jerry sighed and looked at me sadly. “I practically raised him. He looks at me like I’m his father, and that makes it that much harder for him to accept that I won’t be here much longer.”
“Jude isn’t close with his dad?” I questioned. I’d picked up on some animosity there, but I hadn’t wanted to ask him about it.
“No,” Jerry shook his head sadly, “Andrew, my son, was never a real father to him. My wife and I took him in and practically raised him. It was hard on him when my wife, Mae, died a few years ago.” His brows furrowed together and I was sure he was trying to remember exactly how long it had been since she passed. “Jude doesn’t have much to do with either of his parents. I love my son, but let’s just say he and his wife weren’t cut out to be parents. Jude was merely an accessory for them.”
“That’s horrible.” Something in my heart shifted, a small piece filling with compassion for the man I’d blamed for the worst event in my life. I hated myself for making so many assumptions about him. I’d never given him a fair shot and that made me a pretty sucky person.
“It is,” Jerry agreed.
Sliding my plate away, I said, “Would you mind if I went and checked on him?”
“Not at all,” he smiled. I started to leave, but his next words stopped me in my tracks and I leaned against the doorway for support. “Be kind to him, Tatum. He needs someone in his life besides me to care about him.”
I swallowed thickly and didn’t look back at Jerry as I headed out of the room and up the steps.
I found Jude in his room, sitting on the bed with his back to me. His shoulders shook and I frowned, realizing that he was crying. Jude Brooks had feelings. Who knew?
I took a hesitant step into the room. I wasn’t sure if I’d be welcome.
“Jude,” I said his name softly as I reached out and put my hand on his shoulder, “are you okay?”
“No,” he looked up at me with red-rimmed eyes, “I’m not.”
I sat down beside him and laid my head on his shoulder. Air escaped his lips in a sigh.
“Do you want to talk about it?” I whispered, gazing out the window at the night sky.
“Yes. No. I don’t know,” he mumbled, rubbing his face tiredly. “It really fucking sucks to know he isn’t going to be here for much longer and there’s nothing I can do about it. I hate being helpless.”
“It’s okay to be sad or angry or whatever it is you need to feel, but he isn’t gone yet. Enjoy every moment you have left with him, that way you’ll never have any regrets.”
“You make it sound so simple,” he chuckled humorlessly, “but there’s nothing simple about watching someone you love disappear right before your eyes...” He paused, gathering his thoughts. “It’s not even the thought of his death that upsets me, it’s the thought of what comes before…how he’ll completely forget me and I’ll cease to exist in his mind.”
