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I mentioned to her a few days ago about visiting Judge in Malus for the summer, which is only a few weeks away. I assumed she would be firmly against it, not wanting to leave her friends behind, but she surprised me by twisting her lips to the side—something she does when she thinks hard about something—and saying she liked the idea. I haven’t told her yet that it would be permanent. I haven’t even made the decision myself on whether we’ll be staying. I’m leaving it up to how things go. If Maisy seems happy in Malus and if the town accepts her and me both, I’ll make my decision then. I’m not taking Judge’s threat lightly, but I won’t let him force Maisy into a situation she’s not comfortable with. I may have to sell my soul to the devil to fight him in court, but if that’s what it takes, then so be it.
I turn in my seat and glance back at Maisy. She has her head resting against the glass, her mouth partially open as she lightly snores. She was out before we left the hospital parking lot, exhausted from the excitement of going home mixed with the pain medication she’s still taking.
“She looks like you when she sleeps,” Judge says quietly from the driver seat.
When I look at him, he’s flicking his eyes back and forth between the rearview mirror and the windshield. I had originally planned to have Declan pick Maisy and me up, but Judge insisted he do it. He’s visited Maisy every day since he was released. He’s getting around a lot easier than I would have thought. If I didn’t know any better, I would have never guessed he recently had his stomach cut open and an organ removed.
“Before she became sick, she was known to sleepwalk. She didn’t do it often, only once every few months.”
“I used to sleepwalk when I was about her age,” he remarks as he pulls the car to a stop at a red light.
“I’ve caught her in the kitchen pulling out the silverware drawer and turning around to pull down her pajama bottoms. She thought it was the toilet.” He barks out a laugh, his head spinning toward me. I laugh with him at the memory. “She likes to play with her doorknob too. She’ll stand there and twist it back and forth with a confused look on her face, like she’s unsure why it isn’t working. There was one time when I was in the kitchen pulling something from the oven. I didn’t realize she was sleepwalking. I told her to go back to bed and I’d be there to tuck her back in. A minute later, I was passing the bathroom when I heard the shower. I walked in and asked her what she was doing. She was just as surprised as me that she was in the shower.”
The light turns green and he pulls away. “That could have been dangerous.” There’s a note of concern in his tone as he side-eyes me.
I nod. “I’ve spoken with her pediatrician about it. He told me to not startle her and to carefully lead her back to the bedroom. Thankfully, she’s never gone for the front door. Most of the time she comes straight for me. She hasn’t sleepwalked since she became sick.”
We turn down the street that leads home. “Her body was overworked from fighting the disease. I’m sure her brain was just as tired.”
He pulls the car to a stop in the driveway, but I make no move to get out. I stare out the front window. “I never thought I’d want those moments again. I mean, there were times I couldn’t hold back my laugh because the situation was just funny, but I knew they could have all ended with her hurt or in danger.”
Warmth spreads up my arm when his hand grabs mine from my lap and brings it to the console between us. “It’s okay to want those things again, Ellie. It just means you want life back the way it was before. Wouldn’t you take her falling from her bike and scraping her knee over her withering away because her kidneys gave out on her?”
Tears appear in my eyes, and I blink rapidly to stop them from falling. “Yes.”
“Things are going to change. She’ll get better and be whole again.”
Since the doctor came into the room yesterday with the news of her recent test results, I feel like I’ve been on cloud nine. The elation I’ve felt since then has been more than I’ve felt in months. Seeing her deteriorate day after day was my living nightmare, but it wasn’t my pain that made it almost unbearable, it was what I knew Maisy was going through. Everyone she loved could comfort her and be there for her and offer support, but none of us knew firsthand what she was going through. We didn’t know the pain she endured or the mental turmoil or the ache from watching life pass her by, not knowing how much longer that life would tether her to the earth. In a way, she was alone. Declan and I couldn’t fully comprehend what she was going through because we had never been through the same.
Hearing Dr. Snyder say her body was healing and her numbers were getting better lifted a huge weight from my chest. Not because it meant my pain of watching Maisy’s body slowly die would diminish—although it certainly would—but because Maisy’s pain would weaken and disappear. I would take a thousand years of any kind of pain if it meant Maisy didn’t hurt anymore.
I hold on to Judge’s words as I get out of the car. Before I can move to Maisy’s side to wake her up, Judge is pulling her door open and unbuckling her seat belt. I almost lose my shit when he reaches in and effortlessly lifts her sleeping form in his arms.
“Judge,” I warn, rounding the car, prepared to take her from his arms. Due to her illness and weight loss, Maisy’s not the average weight for an eleven-year-old, but she still weighs more than Judge should be carrying.
“Get the door,” he grunts, stalking past me.
“Let me carry her,” I say loudly, trying to catch up with his long strides. “She weighs too much for you to be carrying.”
“I heal fast. Almost good as new.” He stops at the door and lifts a brow. “You gonna get the door or do I need to finagle it open myself?”
“Stubborn man,” I mumble as I open th
e door and let him pass me.
“Irritating woman,” he says lightly.
With a scowl pointed in his direction, I briskly walk down the hallway toward Maisy’s bedroom. Declan comes out of his office. When he sees Judge behind me, he starts to walk over to take Maisy from his arms. He only gets two feet before Judge gives him a dirty look and he holds his hands up, taking a step back so Judge can pass him.
Opening Maisy’s bedroom door, I rush over to the bed and pull down her covers. Judge carefully lays her down, making sure her head meets the pillow. I stand to the side as he pulls the covers up to her chin.
“Daddy?” Maisy’s drowsy voice reaches my ears. My heart lodges in my throat. This is the first time Maisy’s called Judge daddy.
He stiffens as he stays hunched over Maisy. I can’t see his face, but I know it holds shock and probably a hint of awe.
“I’m right here, Mase,” he answers in a low voice. “Get some rest.”
“M’kay,” she mumbles sleepily.
