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“Agreed,” he said. “What else?”
“Just a ‘yes’ in response to any question asked,” she said. “Let’s keep it clinical and on point. Like we’re signing a commitment on a loan.”
“Good. Anything more?”
“Let’s get some plastic rings or something and throw them out after.” She swore his jaw clenched, but the reaction was gone so fast she wondered if she’d imagined it. “I think that’ll keep this like a business transaction and nothing more.” But even as she said the words, her heart recoiled.
Tomorrow would be hard, but what choice did she have?
Whatever emotion crossed her face caused Asher’s ironclad expression to slip, and emotion seeped into his eyes. “Whatever you need from me, that’s what you’ll get.”
But not his heart, never his heart. He’d always think she deserved better than him. Truth was, she did. She deserved a man who was all in, all the time. She would always want Asher, but it seemed he could never fully want her.
She kept silent, and he glanced at his fingers tangling with hers, then addressed her again. “Soon, all this shit will be behind you. You’ll have your shop, and then you can move on and finally be happy.”
She stared at him intently, feeling a slight pang in her heart. For the five years that Asher was home, she’d wanted an apology, an explanation…anything. Now that she knew the truth about what made him leave that night, she realized that what she wanted most was the old him. Without the guilt, without the pain, without his duty of fixing the past. She wanted the Asher who loved her and couldn’t imagine his life without her.
This wasn’t that.
She couldn’t forget that.
“Tomorrow this will be all behind us,” she said, suddenly realizing tonight was all they had left. He’d been there for her, helped her through this time in her life, but that’s where this ended. Because nothing had changed. Asher couldn’t see past his guilt, past his pain. She needed a man who let her in. She shifted a little closer, suddenly feeling the slight unsteadiness that this was her last night with Asher. “But we still have tonight.”
His frown quirked into a smile. “Yeah, we sure as hell do.” His lips met hers in a kiss that stole the air right out of her lungs.
She climbed onto his lap and then he rose with her in his arms. He broke the kiss to travel up the stairs to his bedroom and he gently laid her out on the mattress. His mouth sealed across hers again, and in this moment of time, there was nothing but the desperation for time to stop. Tomorrow would happen. Everything would change after that, Remy felt it in her bones. Since the day he objected at the wedding, Asher had been helping her heal. She’d been forgiving him. But this was where something would have to change, and she could feel in his kiss that Asher knew it too. Because time couldn’t be erased, and they weren’t the same people they were when they’d loved each other so fiercely. Too much had happened. Too much had gone wrong. They’d changed too much.
And tomorrow she would be Mrs. Sullivan. But it would be a lie.
His gaze bore into hers as he pushed her shirt up and over her head, then flicked her bra open, pulling the straps down her arms. He kissed her stomach while he unbuttoned her jeans, then those and her panties were gone soon after. She struggled to reach for his shirt, so he helped her and removed it quickly. While he nibbled her neck, she opened the button on his jeans. He pulled them and his boxer briefs down, exposing his thick cock.
She wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him closer, needing him now.
Once more. She wanted the intimacy that Asher gave to her. He was her first kiss and her first touch, and she needed him desperately to be that guy one more time before she forced herself not to care about him tomorrow morning. A task that seemed impossible.
She cupped his face as he hovered above her, and spoke the truth deep in her heart. What needed to happen for her to survive the wedding. “This can’t happen again after tomorrow.”
Asher didn’t even hesitate. “It was always meant to end.” He slid deep inside her, and she welcomed him easily. He kept his body close on hers, and she wrapped her legs around his strong thighs. He leaned up on his arms while he slowly thrust his hips, bringing pleasure with each movement. He didn’t kiss her feverishly, tease her, or get her fired up. He stared at her, right in the eye, looking at her like he used to. With all the love in the world. Like he couldn’t exist without her. And with the understanding that she couldn’t exist without him. And yet, she knew that was a lie.
They could exist without each other. They had for ten years. And she’d have to again tomorrow. Though, as they began to move together, she realized that, while their old love was gone, he’d cared about her enough now to see her happy. Tomorrow she’d be free from everything dark in her life, but would Asher?
Wanting him to find peace too, and in the warmth of his embrace, she said, “It’s no one’s fault.”
Asher froze, buried deep inside her. “What’s no one’s fault?”
“What happened to us,” she said, hoping he truly heard her. “It’s not our fault that we fell in love when we were so young. It’s not your fault that you have a terrible father. It’s not my fault that I don’t know my dad, or know why my mom chooses herself over me. And it’s not your fault that your mother killed herself. All this pain we’ve endured and faced, it just happened. None of it was anyone’s fault, we just did the best we could.” She felt him soften inside her, and she slid her hands up into his hair. “I keep thinking I want to go back to that time in our lives where nothing could have touched us. Where we were bigger than anything and everything and we thought our love was untouchable.”
He dropped his mouth close to hers. “But it wasn’t untouchable?”
She shook her head, a tear sliding down her face. “No, it wasn’t, but that wasn’t your fault or mine. Maybe it’s time we both forgive ourselves.”
Emotion seeped into his eyes and into his voice. “You never need to be forgiven.” He ground against her, causing her to squirm beneath the pleasure on her clit. She moaned once, then felt him harden again just that easy. His intense gaze bore deeply into hers. “And if you think otherwise, I’ll need to do my best to remind you of that.” His thrust hard twice, curling her toes. “Do you hear me, Remy?”
“Yes,” she gasped, lifting her pelvis, meaning to respond.
But with something that sounded close to a growl, he pinned her hips to the mattress and then there was no more talking. He kissed her with all the passion she knew existed in Asher and maybe even some she wasn’t expecting. She lay beneath him, sliding her hands along his flexing back, until she cupped the curve of his buttocks. Meeting him thrust for thrust, moan for groan, she gripped him tight, needing him deeper.
His mouth brushed against her ear as he wrapped an arm around the back of her neck. Then, there was only the way the fit together. There was only pleasure and desire and overflowing lust that spilled out between them.
