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“Let’s take this one step at a time, Killian.” Her face has gone red.
I flex my jaw, feeling mildly frustrated. “Baby, okay, how about this… I pay for you to keep your place for three months, but anything important comes here. We’ll review again in –”
“I can pay for my own place.” She folds her arms over her chest.
“Keep the apartment for a bit and then you’ve got it there if for some reason you decide you need space, but I’m telling you right now, I’m gonna make it so you don’t want it.”
She blows out a breath and I see panic in her eyes. I want it gone. Her hands are trembling.
I feel like shit for being the cause of this.
“Whoa. Let’s back up,” I suggest.
She looks completely flipped. “This is too f-fast, Killian. My head is spinning.”
“Violet.” I take her hands into mine and squeeze gently. “I’m sorry if you feel like I’m pressuring you here. That’s not my intent. Let’s table all this for now. Okay?” I lean over and kiss her.
She shivers.
“Okay?” I repeat.
She nods.
“Get some sleep. I’m gonna go, deal with my day. What do you wanna do for dinner tonight?” I tuck her hair behind her ear.
She says nothing. She’s just staring at me with that panic in her eyes.
“Forget everything for now. I’ll go do my thing, you get some rest, and then we’ll have dinner tonight. Today is a good day. Day one where you wake up not worrying about that schmuck. Okay? That’s all.”
She pulls her lips tight.
“What do you want to eat tonight?” I ask and play with a lock of her hair.
She considers this. “What do you feel like?”
Relief floods me at the change of emotion, at how her face relaxes.
“How about I make pizza?”
Light sparks just a little in her eyes. It’s enough.
“From scratch?”
“Yeah. From scratch. Or mostly. I don’t have time to make dough today, but I’ll put it together with my own two hands.” I wiggle my fingers.
“Very capable hands, from what I can tell, I must say.” She shows me her dimples and I can’t help but grab her and pull her tight to me, relieved that the mention of me cooking for her has canceled out her panic. “You gonna sleep for a bit?” I ask this into her hair, taking in her scent, her warmth.
She nods, melting into me. “I’m so sleepy.”
“Okay, baby. Text me when you wake up.”
49
Violet
I roll out of Killian’s bed at 11:35. I’m shocked I was able to fall asleep after he left.
The fireplace is still going. The bed feels ridiculously cozy. And I’m naked.
I’m naked and I’m smiling.
Wow.
WOW.
Okay, so, I don’t want to get freaked out too much at him wanting me to move my stuff here, obviously meaning he wants me to live here, but can’t help that it makes my heart race with panic.
But despite that, I feel like I’m floating. I float to the master bathroom and use the facilities and then I run a bath and soak in it. I float in hot bubbles with a huge smile on my face as I recall in delicious, vivid detail all the dirty things he can do with that mouth. Those fingers. And that gloriously thick, long, skilled part of him.
The sounds he makes when he’s coming. The attentiveness to me. The eye contact. How he makes me feel beautiful.
And then cuddling. Spooning. After he gets me a drink.
I soak for a good while, then I head into his shower to shampoo my hair. I find a bathrobe on the back of the door and decide to wear it.
It’s a soft, dark blue robe that drags along the floor with too-long sleeves as I float to the kitchen where I get coffee and sit down with a big smile on my face as I continue to think about him.
Eventually it hits me that I should check my phone. I get it from my room, noticing my car key is there but the rest of my keys are gone.
I bite my lip thinking about that, about a life with him, here, in this place. Permanently. Too soon to think that way. Isn’t it? I look around at the surroundings. Could this be my life? I’m not materialistic, but this home is beautiful. And Killian… Killian is something else. Something I lusted after for a hot minute three years ago. When I saw him on that third anniversary, I never imagined sleeping with him, never imagined feeling like this so fast.
And then my mind strays to Ray. Is he gone? Did he leave town? Is this really, truly over?
I text to Killian:
Good morning again
and then I return a missed call from Susanna who called just fifteen minutes earlier. It’s probably her lunch hour, so I dial and she answers on the first ring.
