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“But one of these days,” Mom adds, “I want you to tell me everything. Don’t hold onto everything, Violet. Sometimes, you got to lean on other people, and it might just be as simple as letting them be a shoulder.”
I nod. That’s all I can do if I want to avoid bursting into tears and upsetting my parents. I excuse myself so I can go to the bathroom and gain some composure.
No, I’m far from being back to my old self, but dinner with my parents and spending time with my bestie has me feeling like I’m at least on the right road.
***
Each apartment in my building has two assigned parking spots and Susanna has been using my spare. Most days we carpool together in my car in case Ray shows back up and tries to take it. She took her own wheels today, though, knowing we had differing plans tonight.
Since her car isn’t here now that I’m back from my folks’, I text her.
Me: You gonna be back soon?
Susanna: Sry. Things are running late. Hopefully this wraps up soon. You home? Don’t go up.
Me: Just got here. Maybe I should go for a coffee.
Susanna: Do that. Don’t go up alone.
I’m about to pull away when I get another text from her.
Susanna: Actually, looks like I’m leaving in about 5 mins.
Me: Maybe I’ll just sit here for ten and then go up.
Susanna: Wait for me.
Ten minutes passes and I am dying to go pee, so I look at my windows and make a judgement call.
Me: Heading up. Need to pee. Badly.
Susanna: Almost there. Be safe. The zapper and spray are under the sofa cushion.
Me: got it.
I can see my apartment from the parking lot. The lights are off, and my bedroom drapes are still open – showing me he’s not in there hiding behind a comforter to black the room out. She’ll be back soon, and I don’t want to pee my pants, so I decide to go up.
10
Violet
I open the door to a pitch-dark apartment. I left the light on over the stove that morning, but even that isn’t on and that’s the first sign that things aren’t right. Before I close the door, I reach for my phone in my purse and stuff it into my cardigan pocket. I turn the light on while simultaneously having the distinct feeling that he’s here.
I’m correct.
Shit.
“Turn it off,” he snaps, from his position on the couch.
I do and being in the dark has my heart racing.
Shit. I should’ve waited for Susanna before coming in. I should’ve refused to shut the light off. How brainwashed am I?
“What’s happening?”
“Lock and chain it, babe. Quick.”
I jiggle the chain, but don’t put it on. I also don’t lock the door. I changed the locks. How did he get in? “You’re freaking me out,” I call out.
“Who’s fuckin’ stayin’ here with you?” he snaps in a whisper.
“Susanna.”
“Susanna?” There’s a disgusted sound in his voice. ”Anybody come around looking for me? Henny? Killian?” he asks.
“No. Was the trip not good? I tried to pick you up and – can we turn on a light? I can’t even see you."
“Why didn’t my key work, Vi? I had to break in.”
I hear shuffling and stay plastered against the door, feeling him breeze by me. I should go. I should just leave. Before I get the chance, light floods the hall. He’s turned the lamp on in the bedroom. I walk down the short hall and stay in the doorway, hoping he won’t notice that I didn’t put the chain across the apartment door.
He’s shutting my drapes.
“We um… I had the super change the locks.”
“Why’s Susanna’s stuff here, Violet?” He looks at me like he smells something foul.
For some reason, I lie. “She needed a place to stay for a few days, so…”
“Can’t believe you’d give that skank the time of day. Didn’t even think you were still talkin’ to her.”
Skank? I feel my hackles rise. This was a good sign. If I have hackles rising, I’m not feeling meek. Just the sight of him makes my stomach go sour, but I’m not feeling meek. She’ll be here soon, and I know I have to dig deep and find strength to get off this merry-go-round with him.
“What’s happening?” I lean against the doorframe. “Why weren’t you back Thursday?”
I should just rip the Band-aid off now, but I’m stalling.
“I’ll explain on the road.”
“On the road? On what roa –?”
“We gotta leave town,” he interrupts me. “Get a bag together, any money you have, and we gotta go.”
“What?” My world goes topsy turvy.
“Babe, please. Stop askin’ me questions, just listen… pack a bag, grab some cash, and…”
“I have no cash, Ray,” I lie. “And I can’t leave. What’s happening?”
He throws his arms up in the air and verbally explodes.
“Get a fuckin’ bag together, Vi. Fuckin’ listen to me. I’m telling you we have to go!”
