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Koyal looked up, startled.
‘I was, no, am … so … terribly lacking in everything…’
Atharv stared at Koyal.
‘Do you know what the biggest danger of low self-esteem is?’
Koyal looked up.
‘You feel you don’t deserve the good things. And do you know what happens when you think you don’t deserve the good things?’
‘What?’
‘They stop happening.’
Few things are more powerful than the truth, plainly spoken.
Atharv’s face was now just a few inches from Koyal’s and she could see his eyes smoulder.
‘Atharv,’ she said, ‘you know how I was always given to such strong emotions and how I would react to everything so aggressively?’
He nodded, smiling slightly.
‘I am trying very hard to change that…’
‘I can see that, Koyal.’
‘But I can’t always help how I react,’ she said, looking around helplessly. Atharv leaned forward and held her face in his hands so that she was forced to look into his eyes.
‘Atharv … when I first saw you … at Hema’s house … I … did you see how I reacted … I fell apart in a matter of seconds even though I tried so hard to remain composed. ’
‘Shh.’
‘I am like this sand castle, Atharv, it can survive only the waves that don’t really reach it. The moment one does, with that first touch with water, it collapses into nothingness.’
‘That’s okay, Koyal,’ he said, his voice low and calming. ‘You are an emotional person. There is nothing wrong, really, in having too much soul. But yes, it is not always the best idea to react immediately, either with words or actions. Yet, you have to remember that it is often very difficult to change our basic nature, though over time, we can learn to have more control over it.’
‘How?’
‘With wisdom,’ he said softly.
Koyal’s shoulders sagged so comically that Atharv’s face broke into a smile.
‘Wisdom often comes camouflaged,’ he said. ‘For example, it is indeed wisdom that is telling you to try and control how to react to things.’
‘Is it?’
‘The first, but most important and biggest step. I know you, even now, like the back of my hand, even though you’ve worked hard to change things about yourself. Compared to the Koyal from ten years back, you are calmer, more composed, a lot more confident. For all of us, it’s easier to go back to being who we inherently are and it is a battle to change things so intrinsic to our DNA.’
‘Really?’
‘Yes. And are you trying your best?’
She nodded.
‘Then don’t ask any more of yourself,’ he said wisely and Koyal leaned forward to wrap her arms around his neck – it felt like the most natural thing in the world to do.
They sat like this. Complete together. A wise friend is sometimes all the therapy you need, Koyal said to herself, breathing out deeply.
