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Ruby blew out a hot breath. “Sure.”
“Sometimes we need to take chances on the things we know are going to kick us in the butt. Because sometimes it’s the only way to know we’re alive. Even if being alive means getting hurt.” Sid downed her glass of water in one long gulp. She wiped at the corner of her mouth, set the empty glass on her desk, and shrugged.
“Do you regret what happened this weekend?”
Regret? Ruby thought about it and slowly shook her head. “No. At least I don’t think so.” She cracked a small smile. “I mean, it was really hot sex, and it’s been so long since I’ve felt that kind of connection. Maybe Travis is the only man I’ll feel that way with, but I don’t know what happens next. I don’t know if I want what happens next.”
“What happens next?”
“That’s something I’m not real clear on.”
“What does Travis want?” Sidney asked.
“Does it matter what he wants?” she pondered the question out loud.
“Not really,” Sidney replied. “You’re in control here. I just don’t want you getting in over your head with him. Travis couldn’t commit before. What makes you think he will now?”
She looked at her friend. “Who said I was looking for commitment?”
Sidney’s mouth fell open. “Oh my God. You’re my new hero. You’re going to use Travis Blackwell before kicking him to the curb, aren’t you?”
“What? No. That sounds cold-blooded. I mean, there would be rules if we did this but…” She threw up her hands. “I don’t want to talk about it right now.” Ruby eyed her friend as the thing that had been bothering her for a few days buzzed around her brain. Was she just changing the subject to take the heat off herself? Probably. But she was okay with that.
“What?” Sidney was guarded.
“When were you going to tell me you and Ryder were hanging out again?”
“He told you?”
“He’s my brother. He tells me everything. Even the shit I don’t want to know.” She paused, considering her words carefully. “Sid—”
Her friend held up her hand. “Ruby, he’s changed. I think this time for real. He looks so good. So healthy and…he’s like the old Ryder.”
God, how Ruby wanted to believe that. But she’d done this with her brother before. Many times, in fact. And so had Sidney. She should know better.
“A month ago, he looked like shit, Sid. A month ago, he was with Fiona Winters. Before that, Candace Seaton. A normal person might think that Ryder has commitment issues because he only screws married women. But we both know that’s only part of it. He screws married women who like opioids and weed and booze as much as he does. He’s an addict, Sidney. They don’t change overnight or in a month or even a year. Most of them can’t change at all. Not even in a lifetime. Just look at my father. His early grave was almost a blessing.”
Sidney’s face flushed, and she thrust out her chin. “If you think he’s such a loser, why did you help him out with the car? Why did you pump him full of confidence when you think he’s going to fail?”
“Because that’s my job.” Ruby swallowed the lump in her throat. “Because he’s my brother, and I love him. Because he’s an addict, and he needs to believe in himself before he can even begin to walk that road back to recovery. But do I think he’s turned over a new leaf? Do I think he’s no longer an addict? That he won’t blow this job when the stress gets to be too much and he goes on a bender of booze and pills to cope? I can hope that. I can pray that none of that will happen. But the reality is a lot different, and you know it. You can’t save him, Sid. Ryder needs to want to save himself first. And I hope he gets there. I really do. Just like I hope you know what you’re getting yourself into again, because I can pretty much guarantee that things aren’t going to end well. And I don’t know if I have enough energy to fix you and Ryder. Not this time. I’ve got my own stuff to deal with.”
Sidney got to her feet, obviously pissed. “It’s good to know he has you in his corner.”
“I’ve always had his back.” Ruby was angry too. “You know that. I’m just…” She threw her hands into the air, frustrated and upset. “I want so many things. I want Ryder healthy. I want him focused and productive. I want you not to be hurt. I want you to be happy. I want…”
I want to be happy. The thought startled her. She was happy…wasn’t she?
“Life is messy, Ruby. It’s imperfect. And bad things happen to good people. Maybe Ryder’s a bad thing for me. But I might be the good thing he needs to help him get to where he has to be. I might be the good thing that doesn’t give up on him. I know he has to want to get healthy for himself. But maybe he needs a good thing beside him to get there.” Sidney walked around the desk and hugged Ruby. “Sometimes, we need to take a chance on the things we know are going to kick us in the ass. Sometimes, it’s the only way to really know we’re alive. Even if being alive means getting hurt.”
Sidney kissed her cheek and stepped back. “Look. Maybe we should just agree to stay out of each other’s business unless asked.”
“Okay.” Ruby smiled. “I’m sorry, I—”
“Don’t apologize. You know I’m there for you, Ruby, because I love you and you’re my best friend. Just like I know I can count on you if things go sideways. It’s what we do. I know you think I’m setting myself up to be hurt, but I have to believe this time, things will be different. I’m tired of waiting for the rest of my life to start. Tired of waiting for the man that I love to get his shit together. Tired of watching everyone else move on and I’m standing still because Ryder is the only person I want to move on with. So, I’m not going to dwell on the many ways this can end badly. I’m just going to try like hell to make the ending I want.” She smiled. “Maybe you should too.”
“Once I figure it out.”
“Yes.” Sidney’s smile widened. “Once you figure it out.” Her girlfriend grabbed her purse. “I came here for a reason, you know.”
