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“I’m fine.”
Okay. “Why aren’t you out visiting with your brother?”
“Because we spent an hour talking earlier. Is that a problem?” She was testy and annoyed, and as the closest target, it all landed on me.
“Nope. Just curious.” I held the beer out to her and she shook her head.
“No thanks.”
I frowned. “Why not? It’s your favorite brand.”
“I just don’t feel like drinking. Is that a crime now?”
“No of course not.” This conversation was spiraling and I had no idea why. “What’s going on?”
“Nothing,” she sighed. “Nothing is going on and I just wish that everyone would stop asking that damn question.” She shook her head, one hand still gripped the door as I noticed she hadn’t invited me inside.
“If everyone is asking you what’s wrong, maybe you’re giving out vibes that something is wrong.” Women rarely said what they meant or what they really felt, leaving up to the rest of us to figure it out as if we were mind readers.
Zola nodded, acknowledging my words. “And maybe if a grown ass woman says that she’s fine, people should take that as the truth.” Her nostrils flared in anger as she snatched the beer from my hand and sat it on the small table where she kept her keys. “Happy?”
“No, and neither are you. Talk to me, Zola.”
She shook her head. “That’s not what we do, is it Drew?”
My smile flashed tight as realization dawned. “Oh, I know what this is.”
Zola folded her arms, a smug look on her face. “This ought to be good. Tell me, Drew, what is this?”
“You’re gearing up to tell me that you want to change the rules on our arrangement. You want to get serious, to get to know me better.” I let out a bitter laugh and shook my head in disappointment. “I thought you were different, Zola, but you’re not, are you? You are just like all the other women, say one thing when you mean another.”
“I haven’t asked you for a damn thing,” she shot back angrily.
“Not yet. But you will.”
She let out a bark of laughter that held zero amusement. “And let me guess, if I did ask, you would suddenly find yourself very busy, your schedule incredibly packed?”
I nodded because there was no room here for lies. “Something like that.”
She let out a knowing snort.
“It’s not that I don’t like you, Zola, I do. But after Sarah, I knew I couldn’t do that again. I wouldn’t. I won’t.”
“Good because I never asked you to do a damn thing!”
“You will,” I shot back. “They always do.” It was inevitable that sleeping with a woman for more than a night or two would lead her to start having ideas of commitment and forever after.
“I can assure that I have bigger things to worry about that some coward widower too afraid to put himself out there again.”
“Coward? Try a man too smart to put himself through the hell of losing a loved one.”
“Right,” she sneered. “Anyway it’s a moot point because I haven’t asked you for a damn thing and I don’t plan to. I’m too busy trying to reorganize my life to figure out how I’ll manage my fellowship while pregnant.” I gasped and she flashed a bitter grin. “Yeah, that’s right Drew. I found out a few days ago so maybe that’s what you picked up on, not my desire to trap you in a relationship.”
“No.” The word came out on a shocked whisper. “No,” I repeated the word, a little louder and a lot angrier the second time.
Zola nodded. “Yes.”
“Lie. It’s a damn lie!” I shook my head and took a step closer, but Zola was not a woman easily intimidated. “This is all to get what you really want, isn’t it?” My voice grew louder over the music that now filtered through the backyard. “It’s never enough with you, is it? I talked about her with you, told you about Sarah and this is what you do with that information?”
“I didn’t do this by myself, Drew. You were there and I don’t remember you taking a moment to stop to ask about contraception either. We’re both to blame so don’t go acting like you’re some big catch that I’m trying to sink my teeth into.”
“No. You did this. You probably knew who I was at the medical conference and planned this all along.” She glared at me, arms folded defensively as anger poured off her delicate shoulders. “You’re not Sarah, Zola. No matter what you say or do, you will never be her. No matter how perfect you try to be, you won’t be here and you won’t get me to love you the way I loved her.”
Zola nodded as tears streamed down her cheeks. “Newsflash Drew, I don’t want the love of a scarred and frightened man, one who is such a gigantic asshole that he can’t be professional for five minutes with a woman he slept with. Sure, you have your moments when you’re kind and nice and charming, but that’s all they are, brief moments of humanity.” She shook her head. “I never asked you for anything and I never will. I wasn’t even going to tell you about the pregnancy, but now I am asking you to get the hell out of my face.” Her voice was calm, eerily so as if none of this mattered to her and I took a step back and got in her face.
