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“Gladly,” I growled and turned to find at least two dozen people staring at us, no doubt they’d heard every shouted word. I stomped off because I no longer felt like partying. I couldn’t look at my friends and family, smiling and having a good time, staring at me with a mix of pity and sympathy, not when I felt so angry and torn up inside.
Zola
“I’ve got a lead on a fellowship. It’s in Pennsylvania but it’s right up your alley. Here are the details.” The text message from Dr. Montclair was the first bright spot in days of gray and darkness.
Ever since my big blow out with Drew. The fact that I felt sad and angry over Drew’s words only served to make me feel even worse. I wasn’t even surprised by his reaction. The vehemence of it? Sure. But his rejection was exactly what I had suspected would happen when I finally got around to telling him that I was pregnant. Despite my expectations, I’d spent the past few days holed up in the guesthouse when I wasn’t at JRMC, crying and planning.
And now, it looked like I might have a real way out of this mess I helped create. Pennsylvania. I’d been to the east coast plenty of times, mostly because Mom insisted that New York had the best shopping in the country, but living there? It wasn’t something I’d truly considered until now. There were winters and snow, which I wasn’t looking forward to, but there was also public transportation which might be ideal after a long surgery, to let someone else take care of getting me home.
Pennsylvania. I sent a quick text back to Montclair, thanking him for the lead before following the link to the suddenly open fellowship position to work beside Dr. Bailey Sutton, a world famous pediatric heart surgeon who, unfortunately, didn’t focus on innovation. It’s better than the hellish awkwardness of my current days.
That’s what I told myself, but right now Drew’s words were still raw and scraping at the surface of my flesh, each hateful word taking more and more off the top. It was a way out though, which meant I couldn’t discount it, for any reason.
“It could be good,” I told myself as I pushed off the kitchen chair and busied myself with the mundane task of making breakfast. Calling scrambled eggs, spinach and toast breakfast was a stretch, but it was healthy and full of fuel. For today, that was enough. I had two surgeries scheduled today which meant I would spend the entire day either in the operating room or my office.
No chance of running into Drew.
Avoidance, that was my plan of action moving forward. If I could avoid Drew for the foreseeable future then I could minimize my own emotions, and prevent another fight. I hoped that the humiliation of having twenty or more witnesses to our last argument, would keep him away from me at the hospital.
A knock sounded on the door and I dropped my head with a groan, eyed my hot breakfast longingly before I pushed off the seat to see who had the nerve to invade the small bit of peace I’d managed over the last twenty-four hours. “Suzie. Hi.”
“Hey,” she replied in a subdued tone, her eyes filled with sympathy which left me no doubt that she’d either witnessed the fight with her brother or heard about it secondhand. “Can I come in?”
“Sure. What’s up?” I stepped away from the door and headed down the narrow hall that led back to the kitchen.
“I just wanted to check on you. Chat.”
“I’m fine, Suzie. There’s nothing to worry about.” The last thing I wanted was to put any more burden on Suzie’s shoulders. She’d worked most of her maternity leave and I knew this fellowship meant as much to her as it did to me.
“Of course I worry about you. We’re family.” She tilted her head to the side and studied me carefully while I did all I could to keep my expression neutral.
“I appreciate that, but there’s nothing to worry about.”
She shook her head when I offered to share my breakfast with her, and let out an exhausted sigh. “I do worry, though. Just tell me one thing, are you planning to leave JRMC before your fellowship is over?”
Yes. “No, that’s not what I’m planning.” I didn’t want to lie to Suzie but I also didn’t want her to spend the next few weeks or months trying to convince me to stay.
“You’re not planning it but if an opportunity presents itself?”
I shrugged. “I would be a fool not to consider it, Suzie. I know Drew is your brother and I’m not asking you to take sides because there’s no question where your loyalties lie, but this isn’t the fellowship I signed up for so if I get a better opportunity, yes I will consider it carefully.” Pennsylvania hovered in the back of my mind and I tried to picture myself living there and creating a life there.
