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“So, you’re saying you want me to back off?” I asked, biting my lower lip.
She put her forefinger under my chin and leaned closer to give me a glowering stare. “What I’m saying is that I don’t want you to grow up too quickly. You’re carry
ing the whole world on your shoulders and you don’t have to anymore. Let someone else take care of you, for a change.”
My eyes burned with tears. I rubbed them and then sniffled softly. “Okay, I guess I can try...”
Letting go of that sense of responsibility wasn’t going to be easy. I’d carried it for so long. Honestly, I wasn’t sure I knew how to stop. But I’d try, if that’s what my mom really wanted me to do.
“And while you’re at it,” she said, patting my knee. “Go back to track. Kick some butt. Keep that scholarship. You have so much potential, sweetheart. I’d hate to see you waste it doing something you’re not passionate about.”
“Are you sure?” I grabbed her hand. “Because I’ll give it all up if it helps you. You know I would.”
She made a face and pulled back. “You most certainly will not. I won’t allow it. I am officially giving you permission, Mandy Renee Hale, to stop worrying so much. You deserve to chase after your dreams. I just want you to be happy.”
Her words echoed loudly in my mind. How many times had I told Charlotte that I’d just wanted her to be happy? And yet, I’d watched her self-destruct over the matter of weeks. Was I doing the same thing? Was I locking myself in a cage and making myself miserable, when all this time the cage door had been left wide open?
Mom wanted me to loosen up. Was this really the way to have it all? To let go of some of the control I’d been holding onto so tightly? It didn’t seem possible, but my mom’s firm lecture was starting to have an effect on me. Hope began to flutter in my chest, easing the pain in my gut. Even as I’d mentally begun to cut all of those dreams and desires I had out of my life, my heart had known I could never fully give them up. It pulsed inside my chest, as if afraid this was too good to be true.
“I’m not sure I know how to just be happy,” I said slowly. “I’m not even sure I know what that looks like.”
I’d had happy moments in my life, for sure. But never without me holding tightly to the things I thought I needed to control. What did that look like for me?
“I think I have an idea.” Charlotte stepped through my door, slinking as if she wasn’t sure she wanted to let us know she’d been eavesdropping.
I used to get so mad at her for doing that to me and my friends. But now, I held out a welcoming hand to her.
“What do you mean?” I asked as she took it, then claimed a seat on the other side of me.
“Jayden.” Her eyes flashed with emotion as my stomach somersaulted at the mere mention of his name. “He made you happy. You sent him away, because of me.”
Mom scrunched up her nose. “Is this the boy you’re always fighting with? The cute one on the baseball team? I always thought he had eyes for you.”
“Mom...” I elbowed her and tried not to let the blood rush to my cheeks. I failed. “Stop it.”
“What? It’s true.” She gave me an evil grin. “I may miss some things, but I didn’t miss that. Are you telling me you like him, too? The girl who swore off boys when she was only ten years old because they were too ucky?”
I groaned and fell backwards on the bed. “Yes, I like him. Maybe even more than like him...”
Closing my eyes until they were slits, I squinted at my mom, waiting for her reaction to my love confession. She sat there looking at me with a big, goofy grin on her face.
“Well, then, you’d better invite the boy over for dinner,” she said, her cheeks turning pink as excitement danced in her eyes. “And soon. Does he like breakfast foods? I can make my world-famous waffles. I’m trying out a new combination: lemon cream zinger. You’ll love it. I’ll pair it with my homemade hash browns and eggs. And whipped maple syrup to top it all off.”
A groan escaped my lips again. “It might be too late for that. I think I blew it.”
Charlotte slapped my knee and huffed. “What? How?”
I rolled over to my belly and glared at my dresser drawers. “I basically shoved him away. He asked me to prom and I treated him like dirt. I haven’t talked to him in days and now he probably thinks I hate him.”
Mom and my sister both mimicked my pose on their stomachs beside me. They cradled their chins in their hands, looking at me.
“I think you know you need to fix this,” Mom said, frowning.
“How? Send him a DM that says, hey—I was totally pranking you haha come back to me?”
“Sweetie, if I know anything, it’s that the best apologies are done face-to-face.” She shot me a serious look. “If he’s as amazing as you say he is, he deserves that much. Be sincere and he’ll forgive you.”
My fingers itched to grab my computer and message him right away, but Mom was right. If I was going to fix this, I was going to have to talk to him in person.
