AllFreeNovel
Share Us
This was coming out all wrong. She looked confused as hurt filled her eyes. She was probably wondering where the hell this was going.
I pushed on, determined to get this out. “I think you have feelings for Seth. I want you to promise me that you’ll let yourself move on after I’m gone.”
She shook her head, her eyes hooded with anger. “Stop this, Andy. Stop it.” She struggled out of my arms and sat on the edge of the bed, her head in her hands. “Why are you doing this?” She was crying.
“You don’t have to tell me, Em. Please,” I said reaching out for her. She pulled away, leaving my empty hand to collapse on the sheet beside her. “I’m terrified for you, Em. More than I am for myself. I need to know you’ll be okay. Please . . . I need this.”
“You want me to tell you that I’ll move on?” she whispered. She turned around, her eyes red and tearstained. “Do you have any idea how fucked up and morbid that is?”
I couldn’t help but laugh. “Do you know me at all? Fucked up and morbid is all I know how to do.”
In spite of herself, she smiled.
I tried again. “I’m not telling you to move on, Em.” I paused, trying to get the words right in my head. “I just need for you to know that it’s okay if you do. Seth loves you, and I think you love him. I need you to know that you two being together would make me happy.”
“It’s . . . I can’t even think about that right now.” She wept. Her body shook as I reached out and touched her back.
“I love you, Em. I love you so fucking much,” I whispered.
She crawled back into my arms and began to cry. I told myself I’d be strong, that I’d never let her see me cry, but there was nothing I could do right then to stop the tears as they rolled down my cheeks.
“I love you too,” she whispered, her lips meeting mine. “I’ll always love you, Andy. Forever.”
“I know you love me, Emsky. I know how much you love me, and without you, I would’ve lost this battle a long time ago.”
“Don’t talk like that.”
“Why? It’s true.” I smiled. Her expression turned serious. “Em . . . I don’t think it’s me that you’re in love with anymore.” It was the truth. Our relationship hadn’t been right for so long now. It had become all about her caring for me.
“What?” She gasped. Hurt filled her eyes. “How can you even think that?”
“Em, I’m sorry. I . . .” I shrugged and wiped my eyes. “I’m sucking at this, aren’t I?” All I wanted to do was express to her that it was okay, but everything I said was coming out wrong. “I just want you to be happy.”
“My happiness starts and ends with you,” she whispered. A single tear rolled down her left cheek. I reached out and wiped it away.
“I don’t believe that for a second. You’re convincing yourself that you don’t deserve to be happy once I’m gone, and that’s bullshit.”
She curled in closer to me, closing her eyes. “I don’t want to talk about this a
nymore, Andy. Can we talk about it later?”
I nodded and kissed the top of her head. But I couldn’t shake the thought . . . what if there wasn’t going to be a later?
***
When I woke up, Em was still curled up in my arms, fast asleep. I smiled at her, lifting my fingers to her face. She didn’t stir as I gently traced the outline of her lips. I was going to miss her so much. Dying held no fear at all in comparison to losing her. I’d never kiss those lips again. I’d never feel those arms curl around me, or see the love in her eyes when she looked into mine.
As I reached over to grab my watch and check the time, pain stretched across my chest. It was too much for seven in the morning. I collapsed back against the pillows, struggling for every breath. Was this it? Was I dying? I glanced over at Em. I wasn’t ready to leave her.
Just a few more days. Please.
Chapter Twenty-One
Emily
I’m running. Every step I take, I can feel the ice cracking under my feet. Every step, I’m expecting to crash through into the freezing water. I spot Andy standing on the edge of the lake.
He’s not facing me.
