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“What's going on?” Heather asks, her voice alarmed.
A nurse turns to her. “I'm sorry, but we're going to have you to get you leave the room.” With a hand gently resting on Heather's back, the nurse guides them out of the room. I follow, my heart racing, as they wait for answers.
Surely this can't be it. I anxiously pace up and down the hallway. The alarms have stopped, but the loud voices of the doctors and nurses in the room make me realize that things are far from settled. Words like “code blue” and “nearing the end” catch my attention.
Wrapping my arms around my waist, I shiver. Tears are beginning to pull in my eyes, and I swat at them furiously, trying to remain strong. Minutes pass, but they feel like hours. Time has never moved so slowly. Heather is getting frustrated, and I don't blame her. Not knowing what's going on is hell.
Heather stiffens, her gaze moving past me. I turn around and see one of the doctors standing there. The hairs on the back of my neck stand up as I take in his expression. It's not good news. I can tell.
“Please no…” Heather sobs, falling into Jim's arms.
“Not yet, but he doesn't have long,” the doctor responds, his tone soft. “We’ve stabilized at the moment, but I'd say he has maybe an hour, if that.” He gives us a small smile and moves off down the hallway. The room empties out, allowing us to go back in.
“I’ll give you a moment alone with him,” I say. I reach out to touch Heather's arm. It's a small gesture, but I want her to know that I'm here and I know what she's feeling. She smiles at me through her tears.
They disappear into the room. I stand outside, my head leaning against the wall. I close my eyes and sigh. This is it. It's really happening. I thought I was ready for this. I've known this moment was coming for the last three years. There were times I even begged for this to happen because I know living like this isn't living at not what Aiden would want.
It's the best thing for him. No matter how hard this is on everyone else, this is the best thing for him. His pain will be over and he can move on. No one deserves to live like this. A little voice in the back of my mind mocks me.
Why did I want this? For his pain to go away? Or did I want this because it would make my life easier?
I push the voice out of my head, refusing to listen to it. Bouncing down the hallway, I see something I’m not expecting: Max. I wipe my eyes and look again, just to make sure I’m not imagining things, because I’m at the point where I could be hallucinating.
“What are you doing here?” I ask in disbelief.
He reaches my hand and gives it a squeeze, the gesture sending shivers through my body. I don't know if having him here helps or hinders how I’m feeling.
“Ellie called me. I wish you would have,” he ads, lifting a finger up to stroke my cheek. “You didn't have to do this alone. I'm always here for you, Kiara. Always.”
“I had to do it alone. It's not fair to Aiden, asking you to be here. I don't know…” My voice breaks as a fresh wave of tears roll down my cheeks.
“He would understand,” Max says, his voice soft. “He loved you more than life itself—just as much as you loved him. The one thing he would want is for you to be happy.”
Before I can reply, Heather and Jim come out. Both have been crying. Jim has wrapped his arms around his wife and holds her close.
“Do you want some time alone with him, Kiara?” he asks.
I nod and glance back at Max, whom neither Heather nor Jim have acknowledged as being there. I don't know whether that's a good or a bad thing.
Take a deep breath. As I step toward his room, I’m unsteady on my feet. My heart races, my head pounds, the knowledge that this will probably be my last moment with Aiden all too real. I sit down next to him and reach for his hand, my eyes on the machine that is monitoring his heart rate. Everything but his breathing tube has been removed, leaving him looking almost like he’s sleeping. If I close my eyes I can almost believe that this is all a bad dream.
There's so much I want to say, but where do I even start? I have so many thoughts and feelings running through my head that I'm a mess.
“I love you so much,” I whisper. I reach up and stroke his hair. “I’d do anything to change the past. For so long, the only thing I wished for was to have you back with me. I'm sorry if I haven't been around as much as I should, but please know I thought of you every second of eve
ry day.”
I reach up and wipe the tears from my face. My body shakes as emotion pulls out of me. It's like the floodgates have opened for the first time since the day after the accident, letting everything out.
“Please forgive me, Aiden. The only thing I ever wanted was you, but you were taken from me. With everything in my heart, I wish I could erase that day. Skip over it. Pretend it never happened. But it did. I lost you three years ago. I’ll never stop loving you, but I need to know I can move on.”
Leaning forward, I kiss him on the cheek and rest my forehead against his.
“I need you to let me go,” I whisper.
The soft wail of the heart monitor floats through the room. I look up, my eyes leveling on what is now a single flat line racing across the screen. I let out a sob.
He’s gone.
