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Her silky hair glided over her shoulders with the motion of her emphatic nod. “It is. There's no easy decision.”
“What am I supposed to do? Have a baby with no job, no home, and no father? I shouldn't even be considering it.” The words came out unpractised, but their implication shocked me. And Liss. The sharp rise of her eyebrows attested to that, even if she masked it completely a fraction of a second later.
Tone gentle, she probed softly. “And is that what you're doing? Considering it?”
Was I? I couldn't be. I hadn’t allowed it before now, but I loosened the reins and let my thoughts wander to the possibility, my hand dropping to my middle. As my fingers loosely trailed across my stomach, I allowed the idea to take root, imagined a tiny face and ten fingers, ten toes.
A steel shutter slammed down almost instantly. But I could feel the emotions ramming the barrier, demanding entry, refusing to allow me to hold them back for much longer. I had to hold them off. I needed to focus on the practicalities of my predicament. I couldn't go painting a fairy tale version of my future. Life didn't work like that. Reality was always waiting for that chance to come crashing down, and when it did, it hit with the brutal force of a tsunami.
Head lifting, I squared my shoulders. “I just wish I hadn't gotten into this mess.”
But the words rang untrue. Because now that I was in the mess, I couldn’t seem to bring myself to undo it.
Liss was careful not to push, but when another day passed and my head remained firmly in the sand, she cautioned me that the longer this went on, the more difficult it would be. Couldn’t be any worse than the prospect of facing it right now, so...
Munching quietly on a slice of toast in the darkened room, my mom snoring lightly on the pull-out sofa after her late finish from the club, a cramping started low in my pelvis. My brow creased and my hand stilled, the half-eaten slice suspended in mid-air. The pain intensified slightly, spreading, and then lessened to a dull ache. Dropping my breakfast onto the plate, I wiped my hands together, sending crumbs flying. Rising to my feet, I paced the narrow walkway between the kitchenette and my bedroom, figuring the motion would ease my discomfort slightly. It did. A few minutes later, Liss honked. The noise had no effect on my mother, who's body stretched to each corner of the bed, like a starfish, her mouth open wide. She even slept like a child. Grabbing my backpack, I dragged my listless
body to Liss' car.
The only expression Liss wore these days was concerned: furrowed head, knitted brows. Today, it had intensified.
“You okay?” she asked, worry evident in her tone.
“Huh?” I blinked, the low ache starting back up. I felt myself grimace.
“What's wrong?”
“Nothing.” I offered her a tight smile. “Just ate something that didn't agree with me, I think.”
“You sure? We should see a doctor.”
My head jerked side to side as I clamped my teeth together. “I'm fine.”
“You don't look fi—”
“I am,” I cut her off harshly, then released a long breath. Softening my tone, I met her gaze. “I really am.”
Unconvinced, she kept her eyes on me a while longer, her teeth coming out to nip her lower lip. I tried to widen my smile. I probably missed the mark.
By lunch, the pain and cramping had gotten worse. I’d told Liss I had to stay behind to discuss something with the teacher, but I spent the whole forty-five minutes in the bathroom, folded over on the closed lid of the toilet. Fear gripped me. It was palpable, like a heavy cloud of black descending over and around me. I closed my hands over my ears and clamped my eyes shut, blocking it out, breathing through the pain. When the bell rang, I rose on unsteady legs, but the world tilted around me, throwing me off balance. My hands shot out to prevent my fall, and I fought through a wave of dizziness. I’d eaten two bites of toast since last night. I should eat better. I vowed to do better. Once the wooziness subsided enough, I pushed through the door and made my way to class.
Liss was in my next class. She'd know something was up as soon as she set eyes on me. But if I didn't go, she'd know something was up, anyway. Plus, she was my ride. There was no avoiding her. I pulled up short just outside the classroom, inhaling raggedly as I leaned into the wall, resting my palm against the surface. Something hurt. And it didn't feel right.
“Whoa! Is it shark week, Riley?” a loud voice goaded from behind.
“What?” I mumbled, my head craning round.
Jackson Bateman appeared in front of me, gnashing his teeth together with a hand pointed up above his head. “Shark week? You know—”
“Riley! Oh my god!” Liss' hands grasped my shoulders, spinning me to face her. The motion was too fast for my vision to catch up, and nausea built. “We need to go.”
“What?” I heard myself say again.
“Oh, fuck off, Jackson!” Liss shrieked. He stopped circling us.
“What the fuck's going on?”
My body seized, every muscle tensing at the sound of Reno’s voice. I didn't look up. Couldn’t. A wave of pain bent me in half and a low moan escaped my lips.
