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“How are you?”
“Fine. How are you? You sound tired,” I say.
“It's been quite a day is all.” There's an undercurrent of defeat in her tone.
“Everything okay?” I ask.
“Yes, of course.” She pauses before adding, “Are you surprised to hear from me?”
“Yeah. Every call is a surprise. I never thought it would be this way with you,” I confess. All the memories of our time together surge forward with a touch of longing. What we had was spectacular and she wanted to put it on hold or let it go, whatever her true intentions were. I can't help but ask, “Why did you want the break, Kelly?”
“I already told you,” she says softly.
Before she can repeat what she told me over a year ago, I interrupt her. “Are you sure that's why?”
“Yes.”
I sigh. She isn't giving me anything. “Do you regret it?”
Kelly is quiet for so long, I double check to make sure I didn't lose the call. “No, I don't,” she says with conviction. “Even though it may not always feel like it, I know I made the best decision for us.” Before I can comment, she speaks again. “Besides, aren't you happy with your girlfriend?”
“Yeah,” I answer automatically. “But—”
“Then that's all that matters.”
“No, it isn't!” Anger floods me as my hands turn into fists and I clench my jaw. “How can I move on when I feel like we're not over? We're unfinished and unresolved because you wanted a two-year break. And now, halfway through, you start calling me. What am I supposed to do with that, Kelly? I don't know what you want from me and I don't know how to stop feeling like I'm in the middle of two women when there's only one. You can't tell me you want a break with some shitty excuses and tha
t you want me to see other people. Because then I don't know what to do when I meet someone like—” I stop short before I can say her name.
“I don't know what I'm supposed to do,” I continue, calming myself and ejecting the fury from my tone. “I've known you since I was five and you've always been in my life. You were my best friend, Kelly. I can't let you go without an explanation.”
Her voice is soft with resignation. “I wanted you to know it's possible to be happy without me.”
“Why?” That doesn't make sense.
“Emerson, you were going away to college and I didn't want you to feel tied down to what you were leaving behind.”
“But I wasn't leaving you behind,” I adamantly tell her. “You didn't have to make these decisions for me. I loved you. I didn't feel tied down. I was ready to take on the world with you, Kelly, and then you asked for a fucking break.” I wince a little as the anger returns. We argued here and there, but I've never felt this furious with her.
Silence answers me until she says, “I'm tired, Emerson. I'm going to go.”
“Okay, bye,” I sigh.
She ends the call and I take a deep breath, wanting to clear my head before going to bed. I used to understand Kelly. There were never any doubts, never any misunderstandings, and now, she confuses the hell out of me all the time. The conversation has left me exhausted, so I stand and head to bed. A smile lifts my lips when I see Eva, wrapped up in her comforter like a caterpillar in a cocoon.
I climb in beside her, kiss her temple, and settle in, feeling more relaxed by being near her.
Eva's been quiet all morning, but I think it's just her usual morning grouchiness. She tossed and turned all night, so I don't think she slept well. When we meet Glen outside, she goes for the backseat, so I take the front passenger.
“Eva says you're terrible to ride with, Glen,” I tell him.
He chuckles. “Only because I don't let her control everything. What did you get Aunt Beth for her birthday?” he asks her.
“A bracelet,” she answers.
Glen laughs. “Me too.”
Eva's hometown is only an hour away. Glen and I talk for forty-five minutes of it before he asks the same question I'm thinking.
