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Recently? As in the one she just had recent? “When?”
She shook her head.
I got up off the floor, and took a seat beside her. My hands covered hers. “When, Ginger?” The look on her face when she gazed up at me sent my stomach into a freefall. “It’s me. I’m the reason they started up again.”
I stood. She needed space. I needed space. Panic attacks. I’d caused her to have panic attacks. Fuck! Macy was right, Ginger wasn’t ready. I was causing her to have a relapse.
When she grabbed my hand, I looked back at her. “It...it’s not you. Not directly anyway. Hard to explain but—”
She was cut off by cries coming over the baby monitor.
I leaned down to kiss the top of her head. “Go take care of him. I’m gonna get out of your hair.”
“Malcolm…”
“I’ll call you later.”
Chapter 22
Calida
It had been a strange week. Malcolm had left for a business trip, one he didn’t tell me about until he was already gone. He’d said it was last minute. Ever since he witnessed my panic attack, he’d been backing off. He was running, and why wouldn’t he? I’m sure he wasn’t prepared to see me freak out like that.
The door opened. “Good morning, Calida.”
“Good morning, Dr. Carr.”
I stood, grabbed my purse, and then walked into her office. I woke up feeling uneasy about this session. She knew I was having the attacks again, so I knew she’d bring up going back on the meds at some point. The moment I sat, my knee started to bounce.
“Nervous?”
“No.”
“Okay. What would you like to discuss today?”
I shrugged. “Not much has happened. Dorian is still living with me. I think she enjoys the rent-free aspect and isn’t making a real effort to move. And Malcolm closed on his house. He wants me to decorate it for when I move in with him.”
She took a few notes before asking her question. “How do you feel about that?”
“Which part?”
She smiled. “Whichever you want to talk about first.”
I twirled the ring around my finger. I wasn’t sure how I felt about Malcolm right now. He looked so worried that day, just as he had when he’d seen me in the hospital—both times. I didn’t like worrying him. I was adding unnecessary stress to his life, which was why I tried to avoid the whole relationship thing.
The words I’d said to him about us replayed in my mind. I ran my hands down my face and let out a small groan. I’d spent the week hurt and a little pissed that he’d pulled away, thinking he was ready to run after getting a glimpse of how broken I still was, after everything he’d proclaimed. But now I was thinking that had nothing to do with it.
“What’s going on?”
“Nothing. Everything. I’m just better off leaving Shawn as the only male in my life. Well, other than my dad.”
“Why would you say that?”
I dropped my head into my hands, guilt slamming into me like a Mac truck. Oh god, the look on his face when I compared him to Seth. “I told Malcolm the truth.”
“The truth about what?”
“About…” I stopped to let out a slow exhale. “Remember how I said I felt like he ambushed me into this relationship? Well, I told him that.”
