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She leaned her forehead against his chest, grateful for the difference in height that meant she didn’t have to look him in the eye, that meant she could gather her thoughts and her dignity without him being able to see. She couldn’t even summon up any embarrassment for the way she’d responded to him. Why should she, when he’d responded as passionately as she had?
Eventually she looked up, and Fraser gave her a smile that made her want to tear his clothes off and then her own, frostbite be damned.
‘Shall we walk, then?’ he asked, reaching for her hand again.
She didn’t have an answer. Couldn’t fathom where this kiss left them now. So she walked along with him, and the knowledge that that kiss was something they couldn’t take back slowly sank in. She had reacted and thought and kissed all in the moment, completely ignorant of the life-changing decision they had just made.
They couldn’t forget this. Whatever happened now, she had shown him exactly what she felt for him and she couldn’t take it back. They could make whatever sensible grown-up decisions they liked, but she had just proved that.
The rational part of her brain told her that some of the tension between her and Fraser should have dissipated with that kiss. He was frustrated; she was worked up. They had just been getting something out of their systems. Yeah, right. She knew, and she knew Fraser knew, that they had just proved that didn’t work. Ignoring this hadn’t made it go away. And a kiss hadn’t made it go away either. Which meant...what? They were stuck with it? With each other?
For a tiny breath of a moment, she allowed herself to imagine it. That this could work. That Alex had been wrong when he had told her she was incapable of having a relationship. Perhaps she and Fraser could take this fragile new thing and protect it and nurture it until it became... She didn’t know what. But until it became something. Something strong. Something that would sustain her rather than drain her.
‘I should apologise to my father,’ Fraser said, as they walked back through the long shadows of the castle ruins.
‘I think it would be a good idea. And then maybe the two of you should talk. That’s what we came up here for, after all.’
‘I know. I’m just still so...so angry with him.’
Elspeth squeezed his hand, knowing how hard it was for him to talk about this. How vulnerable he was making himself just by having this conversation. ‘You’ve been angry for fifteen years,’ she reminded him. ‘Has it helped?’
He shook his head. ‘It’s not easy.’
Well, there was no point arguing with that.
‘I’ve never expected it would be,’ she said. ‘You’ve done something incredibly brave by coming here. But do you want a relationship with him again? Do you regret losing so much time?’
Fraser nodded. ‘I think you know I do.’
‘Then don’t lose any more,’ she suggested.
She saw the words sink in. Saw that Fraser was considering them. She smiled. Fraser was letting her in. It had to be worth something that they were working through this together. It gave her hope.
‘What can be done about the estate?’ she asked, knowing that this was always going to be a sticking point between Fraser and Malcolm.
‘I’m not sure,’ Fraser said, shaking his head. ‘I have cash I can invest—though I wish I’d known about this before I bought the Edinburgh apartment. Even then, though, I won’t have as much as it will need. Any amount of money runs out eventually, unless you can find a way to provide an income.’
‘So what’s to be done?’ Elspeth asked.
‘This place needs money coming in. There are some things I’ve tried on other estates that might work. If Malcolm is willing. We need the forests better managed—the timber should be bringing in money, but they’re not sustainable as they are. And then we need to get more tourists up here: sporting weekends, outdoor activities, maybe even consider opening up the castle a few days a year. Convert some of the outbuildings into luxury holiday homes. There are estates similar to this one that are thriving. But it’s going to be a lot of work to turn it around.’
‘Are you going to help him?’ she asked, and then wondered selfishly for a moment what it would mean to her if he was. Would he want to be up here full-time? Hours away from where she and the baby would be living?
Fraser nodded. ‘I haven’t got a choice. I have to do it if I ever want to live here again. If I don’t want it sold off before the wee one is old enough to remember it.’
They crossed the driveway and entered the tower door into the family apartments, heading for the kitchen first, and warming themselves by the range while they waited for the kettle to boil.
With a hot drink as a peace offering, they knocked on the study door and found Malcolm still poring over the spreadsheets.
Fraser pulled up a chair beside his father while Elspeth took an armchair by the fire, which Malcolm had built up while they had been gone.
As she watched Fraser and his father tiptoe towards a truce her mind drifted back to the kiss that they had shared. If she closed her eyes she could still feel it. Feel the rasp of Fraser’s stubble and the chill of his fingertips when he had touched her face. Next to the fire, she felt her body warming again, felt the pull towards sleep that had come so easily since she had been pregnant.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
FRASER GLANCED BEHIND him and saw that Elspeth’s eyes had closed and she had given in to sleep. Some wingman she was, he thought with an affectionate smile.
He and his father had started talking about the finances again, picking up where they had left off before Fraser had walked out. But it didn’t matter where he looked. All he could see was her name. All he wanted was an explanation.
