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CHAPTER TWELVE
‘DO YOU—?’
‘Should we—?’
Elspeth laughed nervously, feeling the doorknob cool and smooth beneath her hand as she started again. ‘I think we should probably talk about what happened earlier,’ she said.
After she had woken alone in the study and gone to find Fraser and Malcolm, Elspeth had been astonished to discover them at the table in the kitchen, papers strewn between them and an animated conversation in flow. She had wondered if she’d woken in some sort of parallel universe. But the two men had been full of plans, looking to the future of Ballanross.
They had all spent a lively afternoon around that table, playing with different ideas, making suggestions for new business ventures. And it had only been as they’d left the kitchen late in the evening that there had been space to think, never mind talk about the kiss that had happened earlier.
As she had turned the brass knob on her bedroom door she’d paused, knowing in that moment that she absolutely did not want to sleep on it alone. To let whatever had captured them that morning dissipate overnight or become too big to talk about. She’d opened her mouth to speak, only Fraser had too.
Now she took a deep breath, deciding to be brave, and to say what she had been thinking all day: ‘I think we need to talk about what happened earlier. We’re meant to be just friends, Fraser. I can’t be in a relationship—not with all the other responsibilities in my life. But all the time we’re either snapping at each other or—’
‘Kissing each other?’
She tried to hide her smile, not wanting Fraser to know how the memory of that kiss lit her up from the inside.
‘Or trying really hard not to.’
He snorted, gave a little huff of laughter. ‘Hmmph, thanks for the ego-boost.’
She opened the door behind her and glanced back over her shoulder as she crossed the threshold to make sure that Fraser had read her invitation and followed.
Elspeth pulled the heavy velvet curtains before sitting down on the stiff upholstered bench in front of the window. ‘I’m clearly not doing a great job.’
‘I’m glad you stopped trying,’ Fraser replied as he joined her.
‘Who said I stopped?’
She ducked her head as he stared at her, not wanting him to know how she was feeling. It had been hard enough to resist him when her memories from the wedding were faded and dog-eared and starting to feel as if they could have happened to someone else. The memory of this morning was so sharp and Technicolor that her mind could have her back in the moment faster than she could blink.
‘That helps,’ he said, brushing one hand across her cheek. ‘If everything that happened this morning was while you were trying to resist me I’d like to see what happens when you really let yourself go.’
She couldn’t help the smile turning up the corners of her lips, and she gave him a look to remind him that he knew exactly what happened when she let down her guard with him. The widening of his eyes and the slight flush to his skin let her know that she’d hit her mark.
She felt herself leaning in to him, drawn to him as if she had no control over her own body. But she couldn’t let that distract her—again. She pulled herself back into line. She wasn’t just some slave to her hormones. She was going to be a mother: she had to get her life in order. She moved away, leaving Fraser with his lips moistened and fire in his eyes.
‘Don’t be sensible,’ he said, reading her perfectly.
‘We have to be,’ she replied, glancing down at her bump, knowing that he would understand what she was thinking. He was developing an uncanny knack for that. ‘We’re meant to be talking.’
‘I don’t want to talk. I want to—’
She touched his lips with the tips of her fingers, stopping the words before they could be said.
‘Don’t say it. If you say it I might change my mind. We’ve been pretending we can will these feelings to disappear. We’ve done a terrible job, so we need a new plan.’
Fraser leaned away from her slightly. From the thoughtful look on his face, he seemed to be assessing how serious she was about this. Could he be playful and kiss her—or was this talk non-negotiable.
‘Does there always have to be a plan?’ he asked.
‘Yes!’
Fraser visibly started at the bite in her tone, but to his credit didn’t push her on it. Well, at least she’d answered his unspoken question, as well as the one he’d asked out l
oud. There was to be no kissing on the agenda until they’d talked about what happened earlier.
