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So much for blood ties. And this was taking the no sympathy attitude too far. Feeling extremely hard done by, Beth stood up. 'So basically he's right and I'm wrong and I've ruined it all?' she said, her voice wobbly.
Catherine gave a school-marm nod. 'But I'm amazed, knowing Travis, that he accepted it was over. If he loves you and you love him, I would have thought he's the sort of man to fight tooth and nail. I'd have bet my life he's no quitter.'
'He.. .he doesn't know I love him,' Beth admitted flatly.
'He doesn't?' Catherine raised her eyebrows. 'You haven't told him? Not even when he said how he felt?'
Worse than that. 'I said I didn't love him, actually. When be asked.' Beth waited for the explosion. It didn't happen.
For once Beth had the satisfaction of seeing her sister speechless but in the circumstances it wasn't enjoyable. After a moment or two Catherine said, 'Ring him. Ring him and tell him how you feel. Go for it, girl.'
It was the same thought which had occurred at fairly regular intervals—every thirty seconds, in fact—since Tuesday morning. But always harsh reality followed. 'I can't.' Beth reached for her bag. 'Because the same reasons I finished it still apply. I love him but I don't trust him, Catherine, and I can't help it. I want to trust him but every time I think of the future doubts pour in. And that isn't fair on him. It wouldn't be fair on anyone. You remember what that girl was like we used to know—Christine Brown? After her fiance jilted her she ruined every relationship that followed with her jealousy.'
'Christine Brown was a headache.'
'No, she was just massively insecure because of what had occurred. It coloured her relationships. It happens.'
'She was massively insecure and a headcase,' Catherine said drily. 'You're not like her. Not remotely.'
'But I might be, with Travis. I love him so much I couldn't bear it if it went bad. At least this way the memories are good, apart from the last meeting, obviously.' That had been as bad as it got.
'Memories don't keep you warm at night,' Catherine said practically. 'Beth, you can't tell me you don't want to settle down at some point in the future. Have children. Can you imagine doing that with anyone other than Travis if you love him like you say you do? You've always wanted babies.'
This baring the soul wasn't all it was cut out to be. As the pain sliced through her, Beth turned on her heel. 'I have to go,' she said unsteadily. 'Harvey's been on his own at the flat for an hour or so and I need to take him for a walk.'
'How is he?' Catherine followed her to the front door, her pretty face creased with worry.
'Sulking, more for Travis than the cottage, I think.' Beth tried to smile but it didn't work. Instead her lip quivered.
Catherine gazed at her. 'I wish Mum and Dad were here,' she said with a break in her voice. 'They would have known what to say. I'm getting it all wrong. Making it worse.'
'Oh, Cath, of course you aren't.' Now she was making everyone within a twenty mile radius feel as miserable as her. Beth hugged her sister and they clung together for some moments. When finally they parted both their faces were wet
'Do something for me.' Catherine stared at her, an Fm-going-to-say-this-even-though-I-know-you' you-hate-it look on her face.
'What?' Beth said warily, blowing her nose.
'Go and see Keith,' Catherine said very firmly.
'What?' It was the last thing—the very last thing—she had expected her sister to say. 'Are you mad? Why on earth would I go and see Keith? I don't even want to breathe the same air.'
'To lay ghosts that won't go away any other way. You haven't seen him since that night you walked out and I think that's a mistake. There was so much happening around that lime, Neddy. Mum and Dad going so suddenly, that awful court case and then Anna turning up on your doorstep. If you had gone for counselling after the divorce instead of working night and day you might have had your head sorted by now.'
'I didn't need counselling,' Beth said vehemently.
'Yes, you did.' Catherine wagged her finger at her in a way which was reminiscent of their childhood.
Beth had the same impulse she'd had then to stick out her tongue and make a rude face. Instead she said, 'I know you're trying to be helpful—'
'So listen to me for once,' Catherine interrupted. 'And I'll tell you something now—I never did like Keith. He was too smarmy, too nice, buttering up Mum and Dad and always eying the right thing. He would never have told you people had it worse than you and that you were self-pitying.'
'Cath, I don't want to make contact with Keith. I don't even know where he is. I don't care where he is!'
'Try his work first; he's probably still in the same job. If not, you know where Anna lives. Go and see her. Or see if he's living in the same place.'
'You're not listening to me,' Beth said, her face tight.
