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It wasn’t working. Even if I was the only one who knew Oliver and I were a thing, it wouldn’t keep the pain at bay if he ended things. That had been foolish. Just as it had been foolish to force us into hiding as if we were a shameful secret. Maybe it had been fun in the short term, but in the long term, it didn’t make sense.
Except that was the whole point. I hadn’t thought there was a chance in hell we’d work long term. Sure, I’d just wanted a fling, but part of that was because it was Oliver, player extraordinaire. Oliver, the jerk who was so much sweeter than I gave him credit for.
He’d hung up those Valentine’s lights himself in his office even though he didn’t want decorations. Why? Just to please me.
And I’d repaid him by making him seem like a ready dick.
I’d also lied to my best friend, and I’d thrown her worry in her face although I understood her heart was in the right place. She might have sent Oliver after me, but it had been my choice—our choice—to take the next step.
One we’d taken over and over since we’d been home. Yet we were still playing games.
Your idea. You made him promise not to tell anyone.
Our relationship wasn’t the only thing I’d tucked away. I was also in serious denial about why I’d now thrown up on cue three mornings in a row, only to not be sick for the rest of the day. That was compounded by the fact I’d had other troubling symptoms too. The kind I’d dismissed as being from fatigue and working too hard.
The potato chips and chocolate ice cream were kind of damning though.
I couldn’t stop looking at my phone, hoping I’d hear from…someone. Oliver. Ally. Even Seth. But my cell stayed silent.
The balls were all in my court.
I did get one text, from my mother.
Hey sweet pea, guess who’s almost in town? We can’t wait to see you. Hope you made up the spare bed because we’re parking this Airstream for a few days in favor of terra firma. Send Ally our love & tell her to keep that baby in until we get there. See you tmrw. Xoxo
We hadn’t seen each other in months. I di
dn’t want to spring taking a pregnancy test on my mama first thing when she showed up, but I also didn’t want to take one alone.
It seemed as if Ally should be with me.
Or Oliver, but I wasn’t going there yet. I didn’t know how to tell him I thought it was a possibility, though after the stupid condom thing, he couldn’t be that surprised. Still, we’d just argued. Sort of. He didn’t know how messed up I’d been that day, first over the morning sickness and what it might mean, then by seeing that condos sign. He probably wouldn’t have gotten why I’d been so upset anyway. Especially about the second one.
For all I knew, he might think like my parents.
Now you have your freedom. Whoop-ti-do.
I didn’t know how he’d react to news of a child either. He’d proven himself so unpredictable lately. For that matter, so had I. I wanted a relationship. I didn’t want a relationship. Flings were great. Would I ever find my forever love like Ally? And on and on, ad nauseam.
When it all came down to the fact I was scared. I was scared to want and be denied.
Just like I’d wanted the bed-and-breakfast so much, and I’d lost it. Why? Because I’d never even spoken up. Never said the words.
I couldn’t do that again. If I held back the conflicted feelings inside me, Oliver might very well go back on the market—and like the bed-and-breakfast, he wouldn’t be there for long. Some beautiful woman would snatch him up, and maybe they’d fall in love and have perfect little babies someday. Perhaps they wouldn’t even fight.
Unlike him and me.
But I liked sparring with him. I liked pushing his buttons and snarking at him and making up afterward. We laughed so much together. Honestly, we had even before we’d fallen into bed. Yes, I’d spent my share of time annoyed at him, but we’d both liked our combative style of communication. At least I was pretty sure he did too.
Despite his romantic history, he didn’t deserve my value judgments constantly being thrown in his face. It was going to end up being a self-fulfilling prophecy if I didn’t quit my shit. He would walk away, and I would’ve practically pushed him out the door.
God, I was so freaking vulnerable right now. He was probably mad at me—rightfully so—but I couldn’t wait on this test. No more burying my head in the sand. But with how we’d left things, how could I ask him to hold my hand while peeing on the stupid stick?
No, I’d just have to do this alone. Like an adult.
For real this time.
I pulled myself off the couch and checked the clock. Past five in the evening. I had a shift in the morning, though not first thing. Greta had gone easier on me since Oliver had rode in on his silver steed last month. Our boss Mitch had returned from vacation and she’d seemed too preoccupied with making sure his every need was taken care of before he thought of it. He’d been relegated to greeting customers now and then when he wandered out of the back office, since she now did a lot of the more hands-on stuff.
