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“That trip is happening soon, Snug. I’m not leaving you on your own with an infant. If that’s the case, I’ll just cancel my trip.”
Oh, she was pulling out the big guns now. She knew I would never allow that to stand.
“You can’t.”
“I surely can. You’re overworked as it is. Do you think I can’t see the lines under your eyes? How long has it been since you’ve slept well? Never mind had an active dating life.”
“What does one have to do with the other?” I knew damn well where she was going with this, and if I’d been smart, I would’ve bitten my tongue.
“Have you ever heard of stress relief? A man has needs. God knows women do too, and you notice how much sunnier my personality is than yours? You’re blocked up.”
Yep. There we go. Back on that track again.
I drank my juice and said nothing. That she wasn’t wrong was irrelevant.
Discussing my sex life—or lack thereof—with my grandmother was a non-starter. I had bigger problems. To be honest, it wasn’t as if my libido was even making itself known lately. I’d been working so much that I was usually exhausted when I finally got home to tend to Lily.
Most of the time, I barely remembered I still had a dick. It just wasn’t a factor in my life.
“Or friends. What about them? You used to have Billy to go out and blow off steam with. Do you even have any other male friends?”
I raked a hand through my hair. “Jesus, he’s been gone four months. Sorry if I didn’t immediately go out and find a new best friend.”
“Forget a new best friend. Any friends. It’s just like dating. You don’t need to put a ring on a woman’s finger to have some fun. Isn’t there anyone you can call up to go shoot some pool?” She pointed at me with her neon purple duster on a stick. “You need a few laughs. Maybe even to get good and soused.”
“Right. And who’s going to take care of—” She started to smile, widely, and it was my turn to point. “Do not go there. I have not met this woman yet.”
“Are you saying I’m not capable of hiring a competent nanny? There’s no one on this planet who loves that baby girl more than me and you know it.”
Regret tightened my chest. She was right. I was ashamed it was the truth, but there was no denying that it was.
Of course I cared about Lily. I’d been fond of her even before she had been put into my care. I had started off as her godfather after all, and Billy and I had been close since our college days at Syracuse University.
But that was different than being her father. I would give my life to protect her—and would certainly use all my resources to make sure she had everything she ever needed—but I hadn’t grown to feel the way a father should.
It bothered me a fucking lot too. She deserved that love.
Unfortunately, I just didn’t have it in me quite yet, although I kept hoping one day it would just appear, like flowers in the yard after a hard, cold winter. It would’ve been growing underneath all the time, seemingly dormant. And then one day, it would be just…be there.
I hoped.
“No, I’m just saying it’s my job. I need to make sure I find the right person. Don’t you see the horror stories in the news? If I pick the wrong person and something goes wrong—”
“You’d never forgive yourself. But you’re only one person. No matter how thin you spread yourself.”
The doorbell rang and I gripped my now empty glass, amazed it didn’t shatter from the pressure. My displeasure must have registered on my face because my grandmother let out a sigh. “Just give her a chance, all right? That’s all I’m asking. If it makes any difference, she didn’t want this job. I had to talk her into it.”
“Excuse me? You just hired someone off the street?”
“I went with gut instinct. You should try it sometime. Hannah’s the one, I’m sure of it.” Her confidence might’ve bolstered me if the name Hannah hadn’t streaked through me like lightning.
It couldn’t be.
Hannah was a common name, wasn’t it? Especially for those in her age group.
Her probably too-young-for-me age group. I wasn’t going to turn into one of those guys who
tried to reclaim their lost youth by chasing younger women.
