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I forced a laugh. “Oh, you have got to be kidding me. Krista, come on. I ask you your thoughts on something I overheard, and all of a sudden, you think I have some hidden agenda.” I shake my head.
“Well, do you?”
I frowned. Stared her dead in the eyes. “Hell no. I’m not gay,” I said defensively, feeling as if I’d opened up a box of chocolates covered in shit. “You know that.”
“Well, that’s a relief,” she said, looking me over. “I mean, I don’t think you are. But nowadays, you never know. You see what happened to Latrice and Herbie. After all those years together, she catches him in some motel room with a tranny. And here she thought he was as straight as an arrow. Then come to find out, he likes men in wigs and fishnet stockings and nasty-ass kitten heels. He didn’t even look like he’d go that way. So you never know.”
I cringed. Here we go with this shit. Herbie is her sister’s husband. And the fact that she was bringing that sordid shit up at that moment was like comparing apples to oranges. They were two separate things. But not in my wife’s eyes. Apparently, I’d hit a nerve with her.
I let her vent her dismay with how he hurt her sister. Still, at the end of the day, that shit had nothing to do with me, or my question to her. Hell. I wasn’t interested in same-sex nothing. He was. And, shit, the question I’d asked had nothing to do with me…directly, anyway. Well, as far as she knew.
Yeah, it was my indirect way to gauge how she’d react to the idea before I broached the subject of her possibly trying it with me. However, all that extra shit she was talking wasn’t necessary. But truth be told, she had her opinion. And I had my own. And for me, ass play had nothing to do with sexual preference. It was about pleasure. Period.
However, I kept my true feelings to myself.
“Well, that’s not me,” I assured her, keeping my eyes locked on her. “I’m not into any of that. You know that.”
She smirked. “Oh, really? Do I? I mean, since when you start asking me about men wanting to be fucked in the ass? That sounds a little suspect to me.”
“C’mon, Krista. Let’s not turn this into something more than what it is. First of all, it was a theoretical question, baby. And, secondly, I thought you and I were able to talk about any-and-every-thing.”
She eyed me, long and hard. “We can. But that kind of talk—ass licking and fingering—makes all kinds of red flags go up for me.”
I sighed. Told her not to let her imagination run wild. That she had nothing to be worried about, or anything to doubt. I was completely heterosexual.
“Well, then, since you’re asking—hypothetically, that is, is that something you want, someone to poke around in your ass?”
Hell yeah.
I swallowed. “Nah. I was simply sharing some shit I overheard down at the barbershop, that’s all.”
“Down at the barbershop?” she scoffed. “Oh hell no. You mean to tell me a man getting an ass licking was some open discussion being had by a bunch of so-called straight men?” She shook her head. “Mmmph. Sounds like somebody’s up in there trying to have themselves some kind of booty-fest. And, if not, I’d be looking at him, or any other man side-eyed for even entertaining that conversation, especially in the company of other men.”
I let out a nervous chuckle. “Whoa, baby. Hold up. You’re blowing a simple question all out of proportion. This was about a man letting a woman finger and tongue him. Not another man. The question was simply, ‘do you think he’s gay for letting a woman do it?’?”
“Mmph. You already know my answer to that. Like I said, any man who wants to be played with back there is suspect, period. And, all I know is, if you ever came home and asked me to lick your ass, or to stick my fingers, or anything else, up in it, I’d be hurt. And I wouldn’t be able to trust you.”
I gave her a look of disbelief. “Are you serious?
“As a heart attack. I love you, Kendall. But I know me. I’d always be thinking in the back of my mind that it’d only be a matter of time before you’d be on all fours glancing over your shoulder, looking to get some dick.”
My jaws tightened. I shook my head. “Now you’re talking real crazy.”
“How am I talking crazy, huh? I’m telling you how I’d feel about it.”
“And I’m telling you I’d have to be attracted to another man to want dick, Krista. Trust me, baby. Another mofo’s dick is the last thing I’m interested in.”
“Well, I’m not saying you are. I thought we were speaking hypothetically.”
“We were. I mean, we are.”
“Then, hypothetically speaking, it’d still be in the back of my mind. And I’d always be looking at you sideways, looking for signs that maybe you were bisexual.” She shook her head. “It’d be too much for me. I’d have to divorce you.”
I scoffed. “Divorce? See. Now you’re letting this spin way to the left. It was a simple question.”
She glanced meaningfully at me. “And I gave you my answer; hypothetically speaking; remember? I’m not accusing you, Kendall, of any sketchy wrongdoing. I’m simply stating a fact. And now I’m asking you, again, is that what you want? Your ass fucked?”
No. Licked. Fingered.
