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Ros sighed. ‘She was going to the shop for a few things and she was hit by a car. Someone said she didn’t seem to look at all before she crossed the road. It was as if her mind was totally elsewhere.’
Lucy stared at her in horror. She knew exactly where Ivy’s mind would have been. With her Bert.
‘Is she—is she…?’ Lucy couldn’t even bring herself to ask the question but Ros read her mind.
‘We’ve called an ambulance and I sent Joel, because obviously he’s more experienced in this sort of thing than anyone else. But I don’t know how bad it is, I’m afraid. I just thought you ought to know.’
‘Yes.’ Lucy nodded. ‘Thanks, Ros. I’m going home now anyway, so will you call me when you hear something?’
She could have called Joel’s mobile, of course, but if he was battling to save Ivy she didn’t want to disturb him.
She collected Sam from school and took him straight home, along with a friend whose mother had been asked to work a few extra hours. Lucy was only too pleased to help, knowing that the favour would be returned at some point in the future. That was how working mothers survived, by supporting each other in times of need. It was all about sisterhood.
Functioning on automatic, Lucy cooked sausages and mash, wondering whether Joel would have eaten. She hadn’t heard anything from Ros and she didn’t like to call because she knew that someone would phone her when they found a minute to do so.
But she couldn’t concentrate on anything, and by the time she heard a tap on the door at eight o’clock she was completely on edge.
It was
Joel, looking tense and exhausted, the beginnings of dark stubble darkening his jaw.
‘Hi.’
She’d never seen him look tired or stressed before, but tonight he was showing signs of both and she opened the door immediately, worried about him. ‘Come in. I’ve been waiting for some news, but I didn’t want to call you in case I disturbed you.’
He followed her into the flat, his mouth a grim line. ‘The news isn’t good, I’m afraid.’ He looked at her warily and she knew instantly.
‘She’s dead, isn’t she?’ Her voice was quiet and he nodded slowly.
‘I’m sorry. I know you were fond of her. She really didn’t stand a chance. A woman who witnessed the accident said that she just stepped out into the road, almost as if she didn’t care what happened to her.’
‘I don’t think she did,’ Lucy said softly. ‘She hasn’t cared about anything since Bert died.’
Joel sighed. ‘She had massive injuries. We did get her to hospital and we did our best but, frankly, there was never really a moment when we thought she’d survive.’
‘Poor Ivy.’ Lucy was troubled. ‘Do you think she did it on purpose? Maybe she was suicidal, and I didn’t notice.’
Joel frowned and shook his head. ‘No, don’t think like that. You were great. Dad told me that you visited her just to check on her. The witness said she just looked as though her mind was elsewhere.’
‘With Bert,’ Lucy said sadly. ‘She was totally lost without him.’
Joel looked at her and then walked towards the window, his expression unreadable. ‘I can’t imagine it,’ he said quietly. ‘I can’t imagine loving anyone so much that without them your own life seems pointless and empty.’
Lucy swallowed. ‘Haven’t you ever been in love?’
She knew that Joel had never been short of girlfriends. Surely he’d cared about some of them?
‘No.’ He shook his head slowly. ‘Never.’ He gave a wry smile and shrugged his broad shoulders. ‘At least, I don’t think I have. What is love? I’m damned if I know, Lucy.’
For a moment his expression was bleak and then he sighed. ‘Why don’t you tell me what it feels like to be in love? Presumably you were in love with Tim when you married him. Tell me how it felt.’
The crazy thing was, she couldn’t remember. She couldn’t remember any of the things that Tim had made her feel.
She wasn’t even sure if she’d really loved him.
She shook her head slightly, suddenly feeling strange.
When had it happened?
