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Grimly, he shook his head. “There’s nothing to say. Consider this from my perspective. I didn’t even know you wanted anything beyond your career until a couple of days ago. What else don’t I know? I can’t take that risk. Not with you.”
“What?” Her voice cracked. “You’re saying you don’t trust me because I didn’t blather on about hearts and flowers from the first moment I met you?”
Pathetic. Not-clingy hadn’t worked. In fact, it might have backfired. If she’d just told him how she felt from the beginning, she could have used the last five weeks to combat his stupid pact.
Something white-hot and angry rose up in her throat. Seriously, this was so unfair. She couldn’t be herself with anyone. Instead there were all these rules and games and potholes and loopholes, none of which she understood or cared about.
“Viv.” He reached out and then jerked his hand back before touching her, as if he’d only just realized that they weren’t in a place where that was okay. “It’s not a matter of trust. It’s...me. I can’t manage how insane you make me.”
She eyed him, sniffling back a tsunami of tears. “So now I make you crazy? Listen, buster, I’m not the one talking crazy here—”
A strangled sound stopped her rant. Jonas shook his head, clearly bemused. “Not crazy. Give me a break. I was expecting you to walk out the door, not grill me on things I don’t know how to explain. Just stop for a second.”
His head dropped into his hands and he massaged his temples.
“Insane and crazy are the same thing.”
“I mean how much I want you!” he burst out. “All the time. You make me insane with wanting to touch you, and roll into you in the middle of the night to hold you. Kiss you until you can’t breathe. So, yeah, I’ll give you that. It makes me crazy. In this case, it does mean the same thing.”
Reeling, she stared at him, dumbstruck, numb, so off balance she couldn’t figure out how to make her brain work. What in the world was wrong with any of that?
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“I don’t understand what you’re telling me, Jonas.”
“It’s already way too much.” He threw up his hands. “How much worse will it get? I refuse to let my emotions control me like that.”
This was awful. He was consciously rejecting the concept of allowing anything deeper to grow between them. Period. No questions asked. She let that reality seep into her soul as her nails dug into her palms with little pinpricks of pain that somehow centered her. If this was his decision, she had to find a way to live with it.
“So, what happens next?” she whispered. “I don’t want a divorce. Do you?”
At that, he visibly crumpled, folding in on himself as if everything hurt. She knew the feeling.
“I can’t even answer that.” His voice dipped so low that she could scarcely make it out. “My grandfather asked me to come to Korea as soon as possible. He got some bad news from his doctor and he’s retiring earlier than expected.”
“Oh, no.” Viv’s hand flew to her mouth as she took in the devastation flitting through Jonas’s expression. “Is he going to be okay?”
“I don’t know. He wants you to come. How can I ask that of you?” His gaze held a world of pain and indecision and a million other things that her own expression probably mirrored. “It’s not fair to you.”
This was where the rubber met the road. He wasn’t asking her to go, nor would he. He was simply stating facts and giving the choice to her. If she wanted to claim a real marriage for herself, she had to stand by her husband through thick and thin, sickness and health, vows of honor and family emergencies.
This was the ultimate test. Did she love Jonas enough to ignore her own needs in order to fulfill his? If nothing else, it was her sole opportunity to do and be whatever she wanted in a relationship. Her marriage, her rules. If she had a mind to cling like Saran Wrap to Jonas, it was her right.
In what was probably the easiest move of the entire conversation, she reached out to lace her fingers with his and held on tight. “If you strip everything else away, I’m still your wife. Your grandfather could still pass his support to someone else if he suspects something isn’t right between us. If you want me to go, I’ll go.”
Clearly equal parts shocked and grateful, he stared at her. “Why would you do that for me?”
She squared her shoulders. “Because I said I would.”
No matter how hard it would be.
* * *
Jonas kept sneaking glances at Viv as she slept in the reclined leather seat opposite his. She’d smiled for nearly ten minutes after claiming a spot aboard the Kim private jet that Grandfather had sent to Raleigh to fetch them. It was fun to watch her navigate the spacious fuselage and interact with the attentive staff, who treated her like royalty. Obviously his grandfather had prepped them in advance.
But after the initial round of post-takeoff champagne, Viv had slipped back into the morose silence that cloaked them both since their conversation. He’d done everything in his power to drive her away so he didn’t hurt her and what had she done? Repacked the suitcase that she’d just pulled off a conveyor belt at the airport hours before and announced she was coming with him to Korea. No hesitation.
What was he going to do with her?
