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“Why the hell would you want to see him? He’s a pig, Abbi. Plus, you have Randall.”
“I just want to know what he looks like, that’s all. It’s a harmless request.”
It doesn’t feel harmless, but I’m sure it will be worse if I don’t just do as she asks, so I pull my cell phone out and get up the company website. It’s really hard to keep my poker face on as the picture loads, but I do my best.
“There.” I shove the phone at her. “That’s him, the worst man on the planet.”
“Woah ho ho!” Abbi cries out. “He is smoking. Hotter than I thought he would be. Wow wee, how do you get anything done with that hot piece of ass around? If I worked with him there would be literally nothing that I would do. I’d just watch him shaking that ass and it would be absolutely incredible.”
I roll my eyes and snatch my phone back. “I don’t want to hear that!”
“Why? Why can’t you admit that he is good looking?”
“Because he’s a dickhead. And dickheads don’t get to be good looking.”
“Well, this one is. He’s hot as hell, and I think you like him,” Abbie teases. “I think that’s why you are so sensitive to what he says because you fancy him and you don’t want to admit it.”
My whole body sets on fire. I’m utterly humiliated by the suggestion. The idea that I could like this man is a nightmare to me. Especially when I think about the sexual fission between us as we argued. That was insane. I haven’t ever experienced anything like that before.
“I cannot talk about this anymore. I just can’t.”
“Why? Because you’re frightened about what you might learn about yourself.”
“I won’t learn anything.” I shake my head hard. “Just leave me alone, Abbi.”
“I told you!” she replies in a sing song tone. “You’re going to get married to him. This is just like a rom com where the heroine says she doesn’t want love, then she meets an unsuitable man, then she’s hitched.”
“Shut up, Abbi. Tell me more about Randall. Please. Before I lose my shit.”
Thankfully, then she realizes that I’m at the end of my tether because she changes the subject, but the thoughts remain in the forefront of my mind, teasing and torturing me until I can barely hack it anymore. Fucking Carter, Abbi is crazy, I will absolutely kill him before I kiss him.
As I lie in bed, the thoughts continue to spin around and around, focusing mostly on him, the only person I don’t want to have on my mind. But Abbi’s words have sparked a spiral and I can’t stop it.
I know what I’ll do, I think to myself in my tired, slightly tipsy mind. I will look at the picture of him again.
My reasoning is that by looking at him I will remember who he really is and to turn all of these confusing feelings off. When I see his face, I’m hoping that I will remember what an asshole he is.
But something funny happens to me when I see him, something that I wasn’t expecting. A stirring in my panties that makes me shudder violently. In the safety of my bed with the lights turned off, my emotions set themselves free, completely without my permission. I squeeze my thighs together to shut down the deep and intense pulsing, but it continues to throb powerfully. It needs attention, and the longer I look at the picture, the more overwhelming that becomes. I just need to stop looking, yet I can’t. His face has me under its spell.
What am I doing? I ask myself as my fingers trail down my body, towards the pulsing.
I know that it’s weird and will make things complicated for me, but still I’m going. I’m drifting, itching, needing more. Even as I drop my cell phone and I close my eyes, it’s his face that remains. I just imagine him, not him talking and yelling, belittling me. Just him as a good looking man who is kissing me all over.
His tongue, teeth, cock. All of him was all over me, inside of me, brushing over my skin, touching me everywhere. Commanding, taking, demanding, corrupting me in the best way possible. It’s just too much. I want more, I want all of him, I wish that he could be here for real making all of these things happen to me. However much we hate each other in the day, I’m sure what we could do in the night would be something else…
“Oh fuck,” I murmur as I brush my fingers along my soaking wet slit. “That feels so good.”
I push my fingers into myself, imagining the weight of his body against mine as his cock sends waves and waves of bliss rolling through me. I picture his fingers clawing needily at me, as he grunts gutturally with need. I focus on my clit for a while, his lips sending me to heaven. The intense heat shoots through me like lightening, almost shocking me completely. It’s almost as if I have been holding on to this pleasure for ages, waiting for the perfect moment to set it free, and now it’s here, washing over me, building like a wave. He pushes into me harder, sending my head spinning, and still I need more. So much more…
“Oh shit.” I tense. Every part of me stiffens up as I flick my finger faster and faster. Right now, Carter is all over me. This is a secret fantasy, a taboo moment that I will never share with anyone, and that just makes it more exciting. It’s a deep thrill that shudders through me as I allow myself to be dragged under the waters of pleasure.
I scream and shout, my body writhing desperately through the pleasure as I imagine Carter and I coming together. Him letting loose, freeing himself from whatever has him so locked away from the world, and me finally daring to trust someone with all of me. Both of us bonding and connecting, thrusting and fucking. I cry out, wishing that I could say his name aloud, that I could just enjoy this delicious gorgeous moment.
It’s complicated and confusing, and sexy as hell. Just a little second of weakness that I will push to the back of my mind and never think of again.
“What the hell was that?” I ask myself through panting breaths. “I blame Abbi. She had me all worked up over nothing.” And it is nothing as well, I won’t allow myself to believe anything other than that.
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