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er eyes up and down me. I can tell that she’s trying to work out how much I mean these words. My heart and head are battling over this. My heart wants to cling to her, to never let her go, but my head knows what’s best. This time though, I have a funny feeling that my head is on a losing streak.
“Please, Cici, I really don’t want you to leave. I know that I’ve been a shit and I don’t deserve you to stay but I really don’t want you to go. I’ve pushed you away to protect you, but I honestly have missed you.” I have to be honest, totally truthful. It’s the only way to get anywhere with this. “I haven’t ever felt like this before.”
“Will.” There’s a tremble in Cici’s voice. I snatch my hand away so she won’t yell at me to get off of her. “Will, there’s something I need to tell you and it complicates things further. I mean, really complicates things.”
“I don’t see how that’s possible,” I laugh mirthlessly. “But go on, trust me.”
Cici stares dead into my eyes, almost challenging me. She steels her jaw determinedly. “I’m pregnant.”
Pregnant. It takes a couple of moments for that word to sink in and even longer for me to realize what this means. Pregnant. A baby. A real, life long commitment. That’s really fucking serious.
“You… you… you…” I glance down at her stomach, wondering if there really is life growing inside of there. there’s no swelling, but I suppose we aren’t “You’re having a baby? An actual real life baby?”
“We,” she reminds me. “We are having a baby yes. And now we’re in danger.”
Shit… Kingpin. That’s a good point. I have a funny feeling that it won’t take long for him to find out about this baby. I can’t have Cici wandering around alone out there all vulnerable. Even less so now. I have to protect her in any way possible. Much as I’m fucking terrified at the prospect of having a baby and becoming a father, the main priority right now is keeping Cici safe. I have to make sure that no one can get to her no matter what.
“Move in with me,” I gasp out desperately. “Move in here so I can keep an eye on you.”
“Are you serious? You cannot be serious?” Cici looks like the wind has been stripped from her. “You can’t invite me to live here. A minute ago, you wanted to pull away from me, to end this.”
I grab her round the waist and I pull her close to me. Thankfully, she doesn’t resist. I half expected her to fight me but I must’ve knocked the sense right out of her. “Cici, I didn’t want to pull away. I want to be with you. This might be quicker than expected but we have a baby on the way. It’s the right thing to do.”
She glances up at me through her eyelashes, searching for something from me. I try to give her everything she needs with my eyes. I am on board with working out how we can be a family, but I know what I need to do in the moment right now. I need to make sure that no one can get her, especially not the bastard who’s out for blood.
“Move in with me,” I say again. “The rest of it we can work out as time goes by. We can do it, can’t we?”
She nods slowly, finally accepting my offer. “Yeah, okay. I suppose that might be for the best. I mean, if we’re going to work out if we can be together or not, we should work that out before the baby is born, right?”
She rests her head against my chest again, leaving my mind reeling. What the hell have I gotten myself into? I’m in the middle of the most serious relationship of my life right when I’m in the middle of danger too. It really isn’t the best place to be. I should be happy, I should be scared, I don’t know what I’m supposed to be. All I know now is that I have two lives to protect. Two people who need me.
Fuck.
Chapter Fifteen – Cici
I rub my hand over my very swollen belly, smiling at the black and white fuzzy picture in my hand. “I can’t believe it,” I almost squeal. “We’re going to have a boy. Are you excited? I’m so excited.”
Will throws his arm over my shoulder and he smiles at me gleefully while snatching the picture from my hand. I love moments when he’s like this, when he’s all open and emotionally available. It makes me feel all safe with him. It reminds me of the early days when we were first dating and it all felt incredible. It’s been sticky the last few months, there have been some really hairy times, but we’re still here, pulling through. To be honest, all the difficult times are out of our control, they’re all related to this dangerous case that Will is working on. If it wasn’t for that, it’d be perfect. Everything would be just as perfect as I’ve always imagined it to be.
And this baby thing. It might’ve been unexpected, but it’s actually wonderful. It’s bringing us a lot closer together and I love it. In a way, me and Will are doing things all backwards, not how it’s expected of us, but I really don’t mind. It’s working for us, we’re figuring it out as we go, and that’s all good.
“What are we going to call him? I was thinking about Judd. Do you like that name?”
“Ooh, I like that, but I was thinking Ollie. Do you like that? Could we go for Ollie?”
“Maybe we should spend some time thinking about it. We still have four more months to go.”
Four more months and our little family will grow. Right now, we’re two adults trying to navigate life together in a pretty small two bedroom apartment, but soon there’ll be a baby in the mix, changing everything. It’s insane to think about, even with the little man kicking away in my stomach it’s hard to fully digest, but that hardly matters. This baby is going to be born soon, no matter what. He’ll be in our lives soon enough.
“Maybe we should go away,” Will says on impulse. “Have a long weekend somewhere before the baby comes. Go away to the country somewhere. Or even the city. Whatever you want. Have some me and you time.”
“Oh my God.” I grab onto his hand, keeping his arm fixed over my shoulder. “That sounds amazing, I would love that. I’ll be on maternity leave soon enough anyway, so we can do whatever we want to.”
We could so use it. Both of us have been incredibly stressed recently with work we could use a time out. Will especially. This dangerous case, which he keeps trying to tell me isn’t too dangerous, is crushing him. I want to see him in a more relaxed environment, I want to have some romance and love time. I need that.
“Ooh, I think the country would be awesome. Somewhere private and quiet. Just us.”
“Oh, yeah, mmm, I can almost feel it already.” Will’s eyes slide closed. “The birds tweeting in the trees, the warm winds washing over us, the lack of traffic bleeping and roaring outside. Sounds awesome.”
