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I flop down onto Logan’s couch, rubbing the sweat from my forehead. “It’s been one hell of a week,” I grumble. “Honestly, the money sector is not a nice place to be at the moment.”
“Yeah?” He hands me a beer. “Well I keep telling you to come and work with me, we’ll have fun.”
I chuckle, considering his offer. I consider it all the time but at the moment I have far too many secrets that I need to keep from him. It’s hard enough to keep them all from him with the moments we spend together, never mind adding more onto that. Maybe another day, when things are a bit more… I don’t know, settled
.
“Sure.” I dart my eyes around the room. “Where are the girls?”
“Are you not enjoying bro time?” He offers me a one shouldered shrug. “We’re never alone.”
“Oh, of course I’m enjoying bro time! I’m just wondering, that’s all. Usually we can’t escape them.”
“No, that’s true. It sure has changed from the good old days in the bachelor pad! But tonight, it is just me and you. Katherine’s out on a date so Tamara has decided to have an early night.”
My blood runs ice cold, I feel a freaky snake of panic coiling through my veins. I haven’t heard from Katherine in a while but that’s normal. It isn’t like we keep in touch when we aren’t in the middle of sessions. But this? I know we keep agreeing not to hook up anymore, but surely, she’d tell me if she was dating someone else? Okay, so I haven’t always been one hundred percent honest with her about my conquests but this is different. It’s a first date, and first dates lead to second dates, which can lead to… oh my God, I don’t want to think about that!
She’s mine, I almost growl. How dare she be anywhere near another man!
“What… what did you say?” I stammer out. “What’s going on with er, Katherine?”
“Oh, I don’t know, really.” Logan flicks through the TV channels, settling on some old time action movie that’s at least half the way through already. “She’s on some date I think. Why?”
I try to keep my breathing steady, if I freak out now I’ll give everything away. We’ve been keeping this a secret and now it’s all about to be exposed just because I can’t keep myself in check…
Only, fucking hell! I’m about to explode. The rage is bursting, it’s firing up my veins, my stomach is churning, it’s like fireworks, I’m about to throw up. The twitching is getting too intense, I can’t hack it.
“Fuck!” I jump up and bounce to the bottom of their stairs. “Tamara,” I yell. “I need you.”
“Woah, mate, what the hell is going on?” Logan joins me. “You’re acting like a freak.”
“I just…” I rake my fingers through my hair, my eyes dart everywhere. I’m losing control, becoming unhinged myself, if I’m not careful things are going to crumble and fall apart. “I just need to know about…”
“Katherine?” His eyebrows knot together. “Are you serious? What’s going on here?”
“I…” The words fall apart. There’s no way of me getting out of this now. Especially as Tamara is coming.
“What’s going on?” she demands. “You nearly woke the twins up then with your bellowing.”
I fix my eyes down, I can’t look at either of them. A red embarrassment fills my cheeks as I realize that not only have I blown the rouse about me and Katherine, I’ve also let out just how deep my feelings run.
“Al wants to know where Katherine is out on her date?” Logan saves me a little. I shoot him a grateful glance but he’s still looking at me like I’ve grown an extra head or something.
“At the Moonlight place, near where her office is, why?”
A thick silence clings to the air, none of us break it. The words ‘I like her’ fill my tongue but I can’t let them out. I don’t know if I don’t want to or if I just can’t do it. I’m stuck. I’m frozen in time.
“Look, mate.” Logan rests his hand on my back. “I don’t know what the hell is going on here, I’d rather you catch me up when you feel ready to do so, but if this is something you need to do then just go.”
“Wait no!” Tamara jumps in just before I can take off. “What are you doing? Going to her date? No way! This is the cue guy from her office, someone she’s told me would be perfect for her. You can’t ruin it. Why the hell would you want to wreck it anyway? What interest do you have? You hate her?” She stares at me, her face softening as she spots the desperate misery dancing behind my eyes. She clutches onto her heart as she recognizes the torturous emotions that I’m going through. “Oh…” she says quietly. “I see. I mean, I don’t see, not really, I don’t know when all of this happened, but… you… yeah, okay, you should go.”
“I... should?” I ask Tamara desperately. I didn’t realize how much I needed our friend’s approval.
“If you aren’t going to break her heart, then I suggest you go right now. This guy is one of those who’s perfect on paper, so I don’t know if you can beat that, but if you… you know, then you should try.”
I flick my eyes between Logan and Tamara, sensing their confusion but also a little bit of acceptance. Then, without further ado and without giving myself a moment to really work out what my motivations are, I take off at the speed of light needing to run all the way there. I don’t know what I want to happen next, but I don’t want her to be on a date with another man, and that feels as good a place as any to start.
I burst through the restaurant doors with a desperation coursing through my veins. I’m sure I look like I’ve lost my mind, the endless eyes darting my way certainly suggest as much, but I don’t care about any of them. There’s only one person I want to see and I won’t stop until I do.
