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"Piper," Mandy whispered the name.
He gave a silent nod. "She … "
"She what?" Mandy prodded impatiently.
Drew hesitated. "She seems more like the type to, you know."
"Cheat?" Mandy guessed.
After a sigh, he murmured, "Yeah." He knew exactly what he was doing, deflecting speculation away from Mia. And in the process, he was once again opening his sister’s uncertainty. "Look," he started. "Just ignore me. Forget I said anything. I didn’t mean to—"
"No, it’s okay," his sister assured. "I’ve already forgotten it."
He nodded though he knew she was lying. "Good."
"Good," she repeated way too brightly. "I’ll see you later. Bye."
She hung up before he could stop her. Slowly, Drew slid from his truck to pump gas, all the while berating himself for upsetting Mandy.
•
"Have you thought about what we discussed last week?"
Mia gave a brief nod, keeping her hands fisted in her lap.
Dr. Higgins eyed her over the top of his bifocals. "And? Are you ready to try?"
No way. "Okay," she murmured. "We can give it a try."
He smiled, pleased like some adoring old grandfather, completely blissful to any problems. "And have you been keeping up with your journal?"
"Yes," she lied.
He nodding, approving. "Good." Folding his hands, he leaned forward, resting his elbows on the surfaced of his desk. "Now … What is your biggest fear about letting go?"
Mia swallowed. Geez. They were going to address it already? What happened to small talk about the weather first? It was really cloudy out today. A strong chance of rain. Didn’t he think it was going to rain?
Giving a half-hearted shrug, she mumbled, "I don’t know."
"Are you afraid of being happy?"
She couldn’t meet his probing stare. "I don’t know." Yes, she was terrified of happiness. What if someone else died while she smiled, blissfully unaware her life was about to fall apart? What if she laughed and—
Dr. Higgins sighed. "Mia …"
Her breathing escalated; she turned to stare out the window. His frustration filled the room with that single sigh. But he couldn’t be any more bothered than she was about all this. It occupied her every thought, crowded her sleep and intruded into each corner of her life. She’d nearly completed her five-step process over healing.
She couldn’t help but wonder, though, what happened after the final phase, once she accepted reality and finished the steps? Did she graduate, get a good-job sticker pasted to her shirt, a pat on the back? You’re healed. Now go forth and … what? She had no idea. So, she stuck with the steps, clung to them desperately. She didn’t like being this close to the end.
Her life had become steps and stages and she wasn’t sure if she could live without them. It was so much safer this way. It was her haven. Her badge of existence.
If someone started to worry or pry too deeply, she could always pull her handy badge and flash it their way. It’s okay. I’m in grief counseling, working my way through the steps. And like magic, they always nodded and backed off. Like they understood.
Dr. Higgins was starting to see through the ruse though. He’d cracked his way inside her head and he knew; she was stalling.
"I know I’ve suggested group counseling before and you didn’t feel ready but …"
She shook her head in an adamant gesture.
