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Now, if only I could figure out how to handle my new dilemma: Nicolette.
Glancing over, I studied the creature beside me while we approached the cook’s wagon. A beam of morning sunlight was breaking through the trees and falling on her hair. Amused that it’d found the worthiest creature in the entire forest to gift with its brilliant illumination, I reached up to capture a piece of her dark locks and idly ran it between my fingers.
No matter what happened next, I had her here and now, a beautiful woman who claimed she’d do anything for me. Even if it was a temporary ill
usion, what man wouldn’t appreciate the bounties of such a moment?
She looked at me. Her lips had been pinched in displeasure and eyes narrowed with irritation. She was far from happy with me. But all that softened whenever she took in my expression.
As if realizing what I needed most, she clucked her tongue. “I know, darling. I know.” Leaning in to rest her head on my shoulder, she slid her arms around my waist. “But it’ll get better, I swear. Everything will work out okay.”
For half a second, I almost believed her.
Reaching the end of the line at the cook’s wagon, we waited behind a dozen others for our turn to collect a plate.
As Nicolette pressed closer to me, I kissed her hair. “My skepticism aside,” I said. “I must say, I greatly admire all this faith you put into a single tattoo. When you believe in something, you believe with your whole heart, don’t you?”
“Yes.” She gazed at me a moment before adding, “And I believe in you.”
Those five words. They almost felled me. I wanted to hold on to her forever. But I also wanted to push her away and tell her how wrong she was to put any faith in me. I was going to betray her. I’d been betraying her since the moment I’d come for her in Donnelly. It didn’t matter if I no longer planned to deliver her to the king; I’d lied to her about all of it.
I lied to her still.
I was the last person she should believe in.
Pure acid seemed to spread through my veins. The self-revulsion rose, and all the while, I sank closer to her, seeking the comfort and release only she could give.
Someone needed to save her from me. But who?
I glanced up as we reached the front of the line.
The serving woman blindly handed Nicolette a filled plate and cup of steaming liquid. Then she picked up the next to hand to me, only to lift her face and meet my stare directly, as if singling me out.
“For you, my lord.”
Before I could even mumble an awkward thank you, the woman went back to passing out breakfast to others, neither speaking to nor looking at anyone else.
I shuddered, not certain why such a small encounter left me rattled. Maybe because the only other person to ever call me my lord had been the soothsayer, Roloff, after he’d discovered who I was. Or maybe because she’d spoken to me and looked me in the eye when she hadn’t done so for anyone else.
Telling myself I was paranoid, I shrugged it off as nothing, even as I glanced back over my shoulder at her. I frowned, watching her pass out more trays, and then I shook my head, turning away again.
Suddenly, I couldn’t help but wonder who, from all these people, now thought of me as the Bastard Betrayer.
“This seems like a good place to eat, don’t you think?”
“Hmm?” I focused on Nicolette, realizing she’d paused in a sunny patch by a pair of tree stumps. “Oh.” I cleared my throat. “Yes, that’s fine. Whatever you like.”
She sat, and I settled myself, facing her as I placed my plate on my lap. After taking a long gulp of the brew, I sighed. But mmm, hot cinnamon cider. It was spiced and strong with just the kick I needed to stop my mind from spiraling like it had been these past few minutes.
“These people have been quite welcoming, you know,” Nicolette observed thoughtfully.
I grunted without replying.
“Especially upon learning I’m royalty from an enemy land,” she went on, keeping her voice low as she glanced around to make sure I was the only ears hearing her. “Is it bad if all their kindness makes me uneasily suspicious?”
I smiled at her. “I’d say it makes you smart, princess. For I feel exactly the same way.”
“Really?” She smiled, comforted. “Thank you. I’m much relieved to hear that.”
