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“Vaughn Merrill,” she murmured in a soft, scolding voice as she reached up to cup my cheek. “I can say without any reservations that you are the one and only man I’ve ever been with that I have one hundred percent wanted. Luke was right that day he proposed to me. I have always been coerced into it before, in some way or another feeling bad for the guy and thinking sex must be the only way to cheer him up or giving in because I felt obligated. And, yes, while I do feel bad for everything you’re going through, I wasn’t thinking about any of that at all last night. Or this morning.”
I blew out a breath and pressed a fist to my mouth, digesting everything she’d said.
She waited for my response before finally murmuring, “So… Have I scared you off for good yet? Are you completely disgusted by me now?”
I shook my head slowly. “No,” I said. “You’re not disgusting; you never were. And you haven’t scared me off. But that wasn’t at all like what I was picturing in my head whenever I thought of you two together.”
“I figured,” she agreed dryly.
I wiped a hand over my face and sighed.
Lucy finally dared to ask, “So where do we go from here?”
I bit my lip, having no clue. But when I looked up and took in all the worry and fear in her eyes, I knew I had to confess all my shit too. She’d been brave and told me everything. I should be the same.
“He picked you on purpose, you know.”
Her brow crinkled in confusion, then she nodded. “I-I know. I just said he called me a softy, remember?”
“No.” I shook my head. “He knew you’d agree to it because you’re a softy. He singled you out specifically and on purpose for an entirely different reason.”
Lucy frowned even harder. Then she shook her head and cautiously asked, “What’re you talking about?”
I blew out a breath, and then just said it. “It was...my fault.”
35
VAUGHN
“I’m so confused right now,” Lucy admitted, shaking her head and squinting at me. “How could any of that night have anything to do with you?”
I shifted guiltily on the couch next to her and took her hands. “The first time I saw you...” I started, only to pause and wince, hoping this was the best time to tell her.
With a groan, she shook her head. “Yeah, we can just skip over that morning. Coming out of Duke’s room and running into you remains to be one of the more mortifying moments of my life, thanks.”
“Except I’m not talking about that morning,” I corrected. “That’s the first time you saw me, yes. The first time I saw you was outside Beriss International about two weeks before that.”
“Whaat?” She sang out the question, looking intrigued. “When was this?”
“I don’t know. It was a Thursday,” I answered. “About lunchtime. I had stopped by to pick up Duke so I could take him to an appointment, and I was sitting in my car, parked out front, waiting for him, when you came outside.”
Her brow furrowed, letting me know she remembered nothing of this, and when she shook her head, I kept talking.
“You were carrying a paper sack lunch with you, and you went to sit on one of those picnic tables next to the building. You pulled out a bottle of water and some kind of sandwich. And when this squirrel came rushing up to your table, you fed him the crust.”
“Berry,” she said, smiling fondly. “Short for Beriss.” Then she shrugged and blushed. “I had to name him since I feed him just about every day.”
“Well, I saw you feeding him that day,” I said just before my eyes watered. Then I looked up at the ceiling and confessed in a hoarse voice, “And I wanted you.”
“What?” Lucy sounded dumbfounded.
When I met her confused gaze, a tear trailed down my cheek, and my knee began to bob. “It wasn’t just a physical craving either,” I went on, only to shrug. “Although there was plenty of that too. I just… I don’t know. You looked so peaceful and content, and I wanted to sit on that bench next to you and soak up your beautiful aura. I wanted it so fucking much that my limbs ached to feel as fulfilled as you seemed to be.”
Lucy’s thumbs swept over my knuckles in soothing consolation even as she shook her head. “Vaughn, I don’t understand why this is making you so—”
“He saw me,” I explained. “Duke caught me watching you, and he knew…” I laughed hoarsely, still amazed by it. “All I did was glance one last time at you as I was pulling away from the curb, just a single look, and he—I don’t know—but he caught me glancing over, and it was like he knew immediately every single deep, hidden craving that was in my heart.”
Mouth falling open and eyebrows dipping with confusion, Lucy finally said, “Wait. I don’t… That doesn’t…” Then she swallowed and just looked at me, waiting for me to clarify.
