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LUCY: Hey. You’ve probably blocked my number, but I thought I’d try reaching out with a text anyway. By now, you’ve no doubt learned I can be a bit stubborn and relentless about some things, so it was pretty much impossible for me to leave well enough alone until I at least gave you my apology.
“Apology?”
Blinking in confusion, I lifted my face from the screen of my phone and tried to discern what she had to apologize for. It wasn’t as if she’d thrown me against a wall and tried
to suck the oxygen straight from my lungs.
Beyond curious, I continued reading.
LUCY: I could give you all the excuses in the world for the way I yelled at you and treated you, and I could tell you how stressed and exhausted I was, how the frustration over Ava’s behavior was driving me loony, how my after-childbirth hormones were still not under control yet, how the mounting bills were giving me panic attacks, and the lack of sleep had turned me into a straight-up hag, but the fact of the matter was, I was awful to you, and I shouldn’t have been. I’m sorry.
“Jesus,” I muttered, running my hand over my face. But this was what she’d taken away from that night? That she felt terrible about snapping at me? When I’d been the one to stick my nose where it didn’t belong and push, then ignore her warnings when she asked me to stop? Dammit. If I hadn’t felt awful before, I definitely did now. She had no reason to think herself culpable at all.
LUCY: I knew you were having trouble with your grief, and I feel like I ferociously attacked that. I had no right. I was trying to deflect everything away from my own problems, which was utterly wrong and petty of me. You should deal with your mourning however you want to; I respect that fully. And if by chance, you see this message someday, I hope you know you can always come back to see Ava any time you like. She’s your family, and I sincerely hope I’m not the reason if you feel like you can’t see her anymore.
I stopped pacing my living room after I finished reading, and then I sat down on the edge of my couch to sigh. She didn’t seem outraged at me at all for kissing her. From reading her note, one would almost think she didn’t even remember that part of the night. Not even her follow-up text mentioned it.
LUCY: And oh… If you’re worried about Ava being in the guardianship of such a crazy woman, I am happy to report that I actually shoved my stubborn, independent nature to the side and finally called my mom, confessing my trouble with Ava’s purple crying period. So she’s been coming every night for a couple of hours to help me deal, meaning you don’t have to worry about our girl being in any danger. She’s doing well.
Well, now there was no way I could avoid responding. I couldn’t let her go on thinking she’d done anything wrong, especially when I’d never, not once, held her temperament that night against her. I’d forgiven her for her out-of-sorts behavior and the cutting things she’d said even as she was saying them.
I was going to have to reply soon, however. She had probably seen that I had read the messages, and I just knew her stress and tension was mounting by the minute as she waited for me to respond.
With no idea what to say, I clicked into the reply box, and my thumbs hovered indecisively over the keypad before I just started to write. Since she hadn’t mentioned the kiss, I decided I wouldn’t either.
One topic at a time here.
VAUGHN: You have absolutely no reason to apologize. You did nothing wrong. The only reason I haven’t answered any of your calls yet is because I’m a coward, and I’ve been too steeped in my own guilt to face you. I knew you were stressed that night, that you had reached the peak of your patience, yet I continued to push about the money issue anyway, even after you asked me not to.
I have no excuse for my behavior, except for the fact that you were right. I was using Ava and focusing all my attention on her so I could avoid my own issues. But I promise you, I will work on myself so that I don’t use her as a crutch again. Thank you for allowing me to continue seeing her. As soon as I reach a suitable place in my life, I would very much like to visit again.
There. I read what I’d written twice and then pushed send, only to feel a cold sweat coat my body. Because now I was going to have to see her.
Sure, I had bought myself some time, but eventually, I was going to have to be in her presence and try not to think about how she tasted or how warm and wonderful it had felt to press my arousal between her legs.
God.
My phone dinged. I looked down, shocked that she would answer so quickly.
LUCY: Take whatever time you need. Our door will always be open to you. I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised by how much Ava Grace has grown.
I sent back a thumbs-up emoji because, I mean, I did want to see Ava again. God, I hadn’t even thought about how much she must’ve grown in my absence. It made me ache and want to head over there immediately.
But I’d cupped Lucy’s ass in my hands. I’d slid my tongue over her teeth and gripped her with a heat and intensity that I’d never held anyone with before. That wasn’t something I could just forget.
How was I going to discuss diaper rash or spit up with her now that I knew my brain would be stuck on how soft her mouth looked or plump her tits had gotten?
This still felt like a no-win situation.
Two weeks later, I’d moved no closer to facing Lucy again, and I’m pretty sure I’d done nothing to work on myself.
But I had promised her I would, and I’d promised Duke basically the same thing, so one Saturday morning, I gripped an empty packing box in one hand and approached the closed door to Duke’s room with purpose.
This time, I pushed the door open and stepped inside the darkened interior before I could stop myself. I’d just do this band-aid fast.
Except fuck that.
I plowed to an immediate halt and shuddered out a heaving sob.
