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But I didn’t want to be honest with myself, so I kept telling Carter I was going to Virginia Tech in the fall every time I talked to him about it. It was what I told Angie when she questioned me about what dorm I wanted to live in. It was what I told Caleb when he even recommended one of the schools I’d just gotten the acceptance letter to because of their music department.
All three of them had made the right comments, laughed with me about it, but we all knew I wasn’t fooling anyone. Especially them. They knew me too well. Knew that I wanted to stay in SoCal, but I didn’t think they realized why. I hadn’t talked about Jace to any of them, although I was sure Caleb knew since he talked to Cash every so often. They—the three people who loved me for me and didn’t hold that love hostage for the things I could give them—knew that I had something important there and they didn’t need to know anything else.
They just wanted me to be happy.
I wasn’t happy, though.
I was anything but.
Lucy put her hand to her lips for the thousandth time that day and I had to bite back my bitch mode. She was so happy she practically glowed with it, but I was miserable. I wouldn’t take it out on her, however. She didn’t deserve that.
But if she gave me the damn bug that was going around school because she couldn’t keep her hands away from her damn mouth for two seconds and caught whatever it was, then I was seriously going to tit-punch her.
“You know there is some kind of epic bug going around at the moment, right?” I muttered as we exited the school that Friday afternoon.
I felt like I was walking to my doom, knowing that it was the last day before winter break and I would be stuck in the same house with Jillian for an indefinite time. I wanted the next day not to be Saturday. Couldn’t there be school for a few more days? I really wouldn’t mind going on Saturday and Sunday in that moment.
“Hm?” Lucy murmured, still off in her own little world as she skimmed her fingers over her bottom lip for the hundredth time in less than an hour.
“Lucy, there is a seriously bad bug going around this school,” I told her in a cooler tone than I normally would have used with her. “At least a third of the student body is out with it. And yet you have done nothing but touch your mouth. All. Day.” I tapped my fingers to the back of her uninjured hand to emphasize what she was doing. The other hand was still in a soft cast and would be that way for a few more weeks.
Lucy frowned as we continued to walk. I glanced at her out of the corner of my eyes, saw the flow of emotions and the kaleidoscope of thoughts as they passed over her beautiful face. Seriously, the girl didn’t realize just how beautiful she was, and when she was having a conflicting inner moment like she was right then, she was that much more beautiful.
Reaching out, I caught her arm and pulled her around to face me, forcing us both to stop before we could reach the doors that led out into the student parking lot. Where I was sure my step-bitches were impatiently waiting on me.
“What’s up with you today?” I asked the question, but I already knew the answer.
Harris.
Love.
I wasn’t jealous. At least not of them together. Just of what they had. How effortless it seemed. How perfect they were together. How…everything they were together.
Lucy started to touch her lips again and I was about to slap her hand away from her mouth when she dropped it and let out a sigh. “Sorry, I’m just a little…”
Shaking my head, I couldn’t help but laugh, but it held little humor. “In love?” The word tasted flat on my tongue and I grimaced.
Love was a bitter pill to swallow when you refused to let yourself feel it.
When my best friend just shrugged, I wanted to beat it into her head to no
t let herself get so caught up in one guy. It was a trap. All of it. Love was nothing but a…
Love was beautiful, but I didn’t want to see its beauty right then.
“Just be careful, Lucy,” I told her in a quiet tone, not wanting to spoil her love high, but unable to keep from warning her. “I know how wonderful it feels to be in love like that. It’s like you’re walking on a cloud. Nothing could possibly bring you down. Until he breaks your heart.”
“Kin—”
She started to speak but I cut her off. “Look, I’m not trying to bring you down, babe. I’m just warning you to be careful. Okay? Just take it…slow.”
Knowing brown eyes narrowed in understanding and I wanted to shy away from her, hating how close we were for a moment because she could see how deep my pain was. “You didn’t take things slow with Jace, did you?”
I dropped my eyes, unable to let her see it all. “No.” It came out practically a whisper, but I cleared my throat and forced myself to look up again, but not meeting her eyes. “No, things went at warp speed for us. That’s probably why we didn’t last. I gave it up too soon and he lost interest. Why else would he have found it so easy to leave without a backward glance?”
It was what I’d told myself countless times in the past, but right then I didn’t believe it. Not completely. I knew his music had come first and I respected that.
I’d just wanted to come in a close second. Had that been asking too much?
