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“Yeah,” I agreed with a grimace. “You’re right, Lu. I should’ve told you as soon as I knew it didn’t happen. But I thought you’d moved on. It killed me not to go after you when I knew the truth, but I didn’t want to mess up your life again.”
Two fat tears spilled over her lashes. “If you loved me, you would’ve done it whether I’d moved on or not.”
While her anger was burning out, my own was stroked by those words. My hold on her wrists tightened. I wanted to shake some sense into her. “Do you really think I didn’t love you, Lucy?”
“Right now, knowing what I know, yes.” Two more tears spilled over followed by a dozen more. “Maybe you thought you loved me, but when it really came down to it, that love fell pretty short. Instead of fighting for us, you sent me away. Then when the truth came out, you didn’t even try to set things right. If you loved me even half as much as you said you did I never would have left.”
I dropped her hands and stumbled back, needing to put space between us before I did something stupid. I would never touch her with violence. Never. But right then I wanted to knock some sense into her. She could have hit me until my body was black and blue, but it couldn’t possibly have hurt even a fraction as badly as what she’d just said to me.
“You don’t know shit, Lucy. I’ve loved you all my life. Not one day has gone by where I haven’t loved you. Not one. Letting you go was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. The fucking hardest. But I did it because I loved you. My head was messed up from what had happened with Tessa and I didn’t want that to taint you. Fucking hell, girl, you deserved so much better than a guy who couldn’t even think straight.”
“I could have helped you. I wanted to help you,” she screamed at me.
“Don’t you think I know that?” I was screaming too, but right then I didn’t give a shit. Talking wasn’t working, maybe yelling would. “It took me weeks to figure that out, but once I did, it was too fucking late. You were gone. I thought I’d lost you and I was prepared to live with that mistake. It would have slowly killed me, but I would’ve done it. Everyone said you were okay so I stayed away because I loved you too much to pull you back into my fucked up world again.”
“Yeah, you were so fucked up you hopped into bed with the first piece of strange who came sniffing around.” She pushed off the desk, her eyes blazing up at me once more. “Then a new one the next week and every week that followed.”
“What the hell are you talking about?” She was giving me fucking whiplash with this new turn of topics. I couldn’t keep up with her.
“The blondes, Harris.” She spoke like I was completely dense and maybe I was because I had no idea what she was talking about. “The tabloids have been printing everything they can get their hands on about you and your long line of blondes. Two of which I passed on my way in here just now.”
“London and Genesis?” She had lost her mind. “For real? You’re going to accuse me of banging the Blonde Bombshells?”
A humorless laugh barked out of her. “Nice. I approve of their names. It fits them perfectly.”
I raked my hands through my hair. “That is their name. They’re the band I signed to take over for Jace and the guys. I’ve taken them out a few times to different music events to get them some publicity. That’s it. End of story. I’ve never touched them.”
“Whatever,” Lucy muttered. From her tone as she turned away from me and moved toward the door, I could tell she didn’t believe me. Fucking hell. This chick was going to kill me. “I shouldn’t have bothered coming. I don’t even know why I did.”
I knew that if she left right then that it would really be over between us and I wasn’t about to let that happen. No matter how insane she drove me, how pissed off she made me, I loved her and I wasn’t letting her go this time.
My hand slammed against the door before she could turn the knob and I moved so that my body was between her and the exit. “Not whatever. You’re mad. Okay. So be mad, but do not leave here thinking stupid shit, Lu.”
She opened her mouth to blast me with something cold and vicious again but I was quicker. I grasped her waist in both hands and pulled her up against my body. Lowering my head, I caught her lips in a kiss that shouldn’t have left her doubting how I felt about her. She struggled against me for half a second before I smothered her moan with my mouth and she melted against me.
I kissed her long after I’d lost all my breath and my lungs were demanding to be refilled. Pulling back, I pressed my forehead against hers. “There has only ever been you, sweetness. The chicks in my past are nothing but shadows to me now. Faceless shadows that mean nothing. The second I saw you upstairs that first night, was the moment everyone else disappeared. Until this morning I hadn’t had sex since before you came back into my life in September.”
“I-I don’t believe you,” she murmured, but there was no conviction in her voice and I knew she was only being her stubborn self.
That made me grin down at her. “Don’t believe me then, but give me the chance to prove to you how wrong you were about me not loving you. Because I do, Lucy. I love you so fucking much it hurts.”
“I-I…I don’t believe you,” was whispered against my lips as she pressed her mouth to mine in a slow, soft kiss.
“Liar,” I whispered back.
“Shut up, Harris. Just. Shut. Up.” Her arms went around my neck, her fingers thrusting into my hair roughly as she held me in place while she kissed me until we were both gasping for air.
Having her so willingly in my arms was quickly clouding my mind to anything but sliding between her legs. I wanted to tear her clothes off and fuck her on my desk, but a small piece of sanity prevailed and I was able to lift my head and take a half step back. Her body must have been sore after what we’d done that morning and I wasn’t about to cause her more pain. She deserved better and I wasn’t going to give her anything less.
“Will you go out with me tomorrow night?” I breathed against her ear.
She stiffened. “No,” she muttered, shaking her head. “I can’t.”
“Okay. Wednesday night, then.”
Lucy dropped her arms and stepped back. Reality was returning and I could see that she was trying to grasp on to her anger again. “I can’t. I promised my family I’d give them this week.”
Unreasonable jealousy burned through my chest, but I nodded. Family was important. I wanted her all to myself, but I could share her with her family. “Fine. Then next week.”
