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How the hell can he still love me after finding out what I do to myself?
Telling me that he would help me. That he would make it better.
How?
I couldn’t understand how he could still want me, still love me. I couldn’t for the life of me comprehend how he wasn’t disgusted when I was so disgusted with myself.
He’d lain in bed beside me, holding me and stroking my hair while he called Aunt Emmie. He didn’t tell her everything, just that he needed her to bring Mom and Dad—and even Lana—out to see me. Now. I’d heard her demand to know if I was okay, but he’d refused to tell her over the phone.
It was early evening now and they were supposed to arrive at any minute. I don’t think I’d ever been so nervous in my life. Marcus, who was sitting on the chair in the living room, watched me more often than the television. Harris hadn’t told him, but he knew something was going on. My parents and Aunt Emmie didn’t just show up without a reason. The fact that I was still crying and playing with the bracelet I’d put back on, only made him ten times more alert to my mood.
Harris hadn’t left my side all day. We sat on the couch, while Harris worked from his phone with one hand and kept the other wrapped around me. He wasn’t going back to California without me. I knew I should feel guilty that he was going to be missing two more weeks of work, but all I felt was relief.
The pounding fist on the suite door told me without having to look that my dad had arrived. My stomach twisted with anxiety and fresh tears filled my eyes. Gods, I didn’t want to see the disappointment in his eyes when I told him. This was going to be one of the hardest things I’d ever done and I wasn’t sure I was ready to do it.
I doubted I’d ever be ready to tell him.
Marcus unfolded his big frame from the chair and crossed the small room to the door. I buried my face in Harris’s chest, wishing this day away.
I felt his lips against my forehead. “It’s okay, sweetness. I’m right here.”
“I’m scared,” I whispered back.
“I know, Lucy. I know.”
“Lu?” Dad pushed past Marcus like he wasn’t even there and crouched down beside me. I felt his hands touch my legs with a gentleness that made a sob bubble up in my throat. “Baby, what’s wrong? What’s happened? Tell Daddy so he can fix it.”
“Lucy?” Mom was in the room now, her concern-filled voice hurting worse than any cut I’d ever inflicted on myself.
“What’s going on?” Lana demanded, the worry in her voice tearing me apart, but I still hid my face, holding on to Harris like he was my salvation.
“Marcus, what’s been going on?” Aunt Emmie was trying to take charge, but for once she wouldn’t be able to just wave her hand and fix everything.
“I have no idea,” Marcus assured her, his deep voice irritated for the first time since I’d met him. “She’s been crying all day. She won’t talk to me.”
“Harris…” I’d heard that tone in my aunt’s voice before and knew she was going to tear in to him. “What the hell is going—”
Unable to let her treat him like that, I lifted my head. “I-I have to tell you all something,” I whispered, but they all heard me.
Harris tightened his arm around me, offering me the strength I so desperately needed to do this. I knew that he would stand behind me through this and it only made me love him that much more. Scrubbing a hand over my face to wipe away some of the tears, I got shakily to my feet.
Mom and Lana both moved forward to hug me, but I knew I wouldn’t be able to talk if I let them. Lifting my hands to hold them at bay, I put some distance between me and my family. Dad stood slowly, his dark eyes full of torment as he watched me. “Lu, I can see something is wrong. Just tell me. Whatever it is, we can take care of it. I promise.”
Harris stood and stepped behind me, putting his hands on my shoulders and rubbing soothing little circles with his thumbs. “Maybe you should all sit down. I know this isn’t going to be easy for her and it’s not something you should hear while standing,” he suggested. “You too, Marcus.”
Mom, Lana, and Aunt Emmie took the couch. Marcus ret
urned to his chair, but Dad remained standing. My courage was slowly evaporating and I lowered my eyes to the carpet, unable to meet anyone’s gaze. Fuck, this was hard.
“If you’re going to tell us you’re pregnant, I swear I won’t let Jesse murder Harris,” Lana assured me with a small smile, trying to lighten the tension that was as thick as fog in the room. “A baby isn’t the end of the world, Lucy. I promise.”
“That’s not funny, Lana.” Dad made a grunting noise. “And if that’s the case, I’ll wait until she’s gone and then beat the shit out of him. It wouldn’t be the first time I fucked someone up without leaving a mark on his face. Ask Nik.”
“I’m not pregnant,” I whispered.
“Oh,” Lana said with a sigh. “Then maybe you could tell us what is going on. This suspense is killing me and it’s worse than my last bout of morning sickness with Bliss, so take a little pity on my stomach, sweetie.”
Harris stepped closer and pressed his lips to my ear. “It’s okay. Tell them.”
