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It had hurt so fucking bad and I’d resorted to old coping methods.
The next week Harris had been featured on yet another tabloid with that same smile but a different blonde with legs that went on for miles and a chest that had to have set her back a good ten grand. The gossip magazines had been keeping up with how Harris Cutter had a different beautiful blonde on his arm every week and how much fun he seemed to be having.
Even though it killed me to see him with so many different chicks, I was still thankful that the media hadn’t gotten wind of what had happened with Tessa after she had nearly killed him. Aunt Emmie had kept me up to date on what was going on regarding Jenna’s ex. She’d pleaded guilty to a few lesser crimes and had gotten five years. It was the best the district attorney could come up with to keep what had happened out of the papers. Aunt Emmie had made sure to tell me that Tessa wasn’t faring well inside, either. The second day of her five-year sentence Tessa had been jumped by five women and had ended up in the prison infirmary with a concussion and a broken wrist.
I didn’t want to think about the kind of connections my aunt had to have pulled that off, but I knew instinctively that she’d been responsible for what had happened to Tessa. Emmie Armstrong could make anything she wanted happen with just a few phone calls. She was kind of dangerous.
Okay, so she was very dangerous. That was just one of the many things I loved so much about her, though.
Kin blew out a heavy sigh. “You shouldn’t read those things, Lucy. You, better than anyone, should know that those things don’t have a bit of truth to them.”
Maybe the paps who had printed those stories about Harris had gotten it wrong, but the pictures told their own story. Harris was definitely having fun with them.
That he had been able to move on so easily while I was fighting just to get out of bed each morning hurt more than anything else could have right then. It had been easier when I thought he was just as destroyed as I was—not much more, but some. I’d felt so stupid when I knew he wasn’t. It was more than obvious to me that Harris hadn’t been nearly as invested in us as I had been.
I didn’t feel like arguing about it with Kin, though. She didn’t want to choose sides and I respected that. For the most part. It stung a little that she wasn’t completely on my side when I’d stuck by her when she had claimed to hate Jace. She cared about Harris and that was okay because I knew she cared about me too.
“You could always come home and go to UCLA with me and Kassa.”
I sucked in a deep breath and turned my head to give her a tight smile. “I’ve wanted Georgetown since I was ten, Kin. I love it there.”
The look on Kin’s face told me she didn’t completely buy my lie. “You might love the school, but you don’t love being away from your family and friends. You haven’t really smiled since you left and it’s taken you all day to finally smile like you mean it. You can lie to your parents and even yourself all you want, babe, but I can see you aren’t happy.”
As much as I loved that girl, I hated that she could see through my bullshit so easily. I turned on my side so I could see her better and told her the truth. “Me being unhappy has nothing to do with where I am. I would be just as unhappy if I was living in California or if I was living on the moon. It takes all my energy just to get out of bed each morning.”
“Lucy…”
I shook my head. “No, it’s okay. Honest.” Another lie, but what the hell, all I did anymore was lie to the people who loved me. “It’s just slow going, but I’m getting there.”
“You’re strong, Lucy. The strongest person I know.”
I shifted onto my back to keep her from seeing the pain I knew would be shining in my eyes. She had no idea. I had never been strong. I was weak, so damn weak. If it weren’t for the things I did to help deal with all the emotional shit that seemed to constantly be dumped on my head, I wasn’t sure how sane I would have been right then.
Kin yawned and pulled her comforter up over her shoulders. “Tomorrow will be another fun day,” she said as she closed her eyes.
I wasn’t going to hold her to that promise. There was no way the next day was going to be fun for me.
Kin fell into a deep sleep easily, but I just lay there, staring up at the ceiling and dreading the next day.
There was no time to waste the next morning. There were only two bathrooms in Kin’s apartment and three chicks trying to get ready in them. It was a small nightmare to say the least. I rushed through my shower, made sure my leather bracelet was in place and then hurried to put on enough makeup so I didn’t look like a freaking ghost.
There was no time for breakfast so we all grabbed an apple as we ran out of the apartment. The school parking lot was already overfilling by the time we got there and I ran in my heels to catch up with the rest of the class as they got in line to walk out for the opening part of the ceremony.
Being late was a good thing in my opinion. I didn’t have to go through the tears and hugs and all the other crap I knew I would be subjected to all over again after the ceremony. There was
no time for nerves or to wonder who had come and who hadn’t. I barely had time to fix the yellow honor stole as I took my place near the back of the line with my fellow classmates.
Kin was closer to the middle of the line and went out before me, but I heard my family as well as her own call out her name as she walked out. I couldn’t help the small smile that tilted my lips when I heard their voices. I could easily identify Aunt Emmie and my mom. Could have picked out my dad’s whistle in a crowd of ten thousand.
All too soon it was my turn and I had to bite my lip to keep from looking up to find my family when their yells got even louder once they saw me. I lifted a hand and waved when I heard my nieces and the twins call out my name, but kept my eyes on the guy in front of me so I wouldn’t have to see if Harris was up there or not. I knew Natalie and Devlin would be; I’d sent the invitation out myself and even confirmed their attendance with Natalie weeks before through email. I hadn’t invited Harris, though. There was no way I could have handled seeing him.
That didn’t mean Kin left him out. She hadn’t said if she had or not, but I knew she would have wanted him there.
Finally in my seat with everyone else, I crossed my legs and pulled off my heels as one speech after another was given. I was thankful for the delays as I rubbed the arch of my left foot. I hated heels, but all the girls had been told repeatedly that we had to wear them. I thought it was bullshit and I wouldn’t have worn them if my mother hadn’t insisted she had found the perfect shoes to match both my dress as well as the cap and gown.
Three rows in front of me, Kin turned her head and made a face at me. I snickered only to get a glare from the two people on my right, which only made me snicker harder. Winking at me, Kin turned back around and I focused on the final words the principal was saying.
“Now, as you leave us, go out into the world and make mistakes. Break rules—as I’m well aware most of you are good at by now—but learn from those rules too. Make life what you want out of it and never be afraid to fight for your dreams.” The woman smiled with warmth at us and stepped back as everyone clapped.
