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Slowly, I made my way through the dining room to the table that seemed to be reserved for my family whenever we had a meal here. As I neared, I saw people from tables close to Mom shooting her curious looks. Most of them were men, and their gazes were full of the kind of hunger I had seen countless times in Dad’s eyes. Layla Thornton was a beautiful woman, and I looked more like her than I did Lana. There was only about an inch height difference between us, whereas Lana was taller like her father. We were curvier than our middle sister, and our complexions were creamier, and Lana’s was more olive.
With her long, cinnamon-colored hair hanging over her shoulders and down her back, in her designer black dress and a rock the size of a small planet on her ring finger that Dad had given her when they got married, she was the picture of high-class perfection. No one would have ever imagined she had once scrubbed floors and toilets just to feed Lana and me. She had worked hard to make sure we were taken care of, at times barely feeding herself to be certain we didn’t go hungry.
But that was before she had become Emmie Armstrong’s housekeeper. Before she had fallen in love with Dad at first sight.
Now she was the wife of one of the most legendary drummers in rock history, and men craved what Jesse Thornton had.
As I drew closer, I saw Mom’s face. Her eyes were darting around nervously, her teeth eating away the lipstick on her full lips just as I had done on the drive over. She looked as anxious as I felt, and for some reason, that put me a little at ease.
As she caught sight of me, Mom’s entire body seemed to jerk in reaction. She jumped to her feet when I neared the table, and her brown eyes filled with tears. I sucked in a sharp breath when her chin began to tremble. “Lucy,” she whispered so fiercely my heart contracted. “Baby, I’m so sorry.”
A lump clogged my throat, but I couldn’t look away from her desperate, pleading eyes. “Mom… I…”
With a soft sob, she pulled me into her arms, and I went willingly. This. This hug, feeling her arms wrapped around me so lovingly, the brush of her lips against my temple. That was all I had really wanted from the moment I had made my confession. It was what I had ached for, subconsciously or not. And it broke something open inside of me that had still been dammed up. The tears flowed freely, and the lump that had been choking me eased as she rocked me against her.
“I’m so, so sorry, Lucy,” she whispered again. “I love you so much, baby.”
“I love you too, Mom.” My voice cracked. “I’ve missed you so much.”
She just stood there holding me for the longest time. There were no words needed, not yet. It felt good simply to have her hugging me the way she used to. It was only when the murmurs of those around us reached my ears that I finally pulled back. She tenderly wiped away one of my tears.
“Can we talk?”
I nodded, and we sat at the table behind her. She turned her chair so we were facing each other and took both my hands. “Part of me didn’t even know what I was doing, Lucy. There was a section of my brain that tuned out the fact that I had pulled so completely away from you, and I didn’t even understand it. But…” She grimaced as if she were in physical pain. “There was another part of me that understood everything I was doing, that saw how much I was hurting you, and even though I hated myself for doing it, I couldn’t seem to stop.”
“I know I ruined everything, Mom,” I whispered brokenly.
“No!” She shook her head adamantly. “You did nothing wrong. You’re sick, Lucy. Don’t you think I know that? This wasn’t your fault. It’s mine and mine alone. I handled you telling me about…the cutting…wrong. And I just kept messing up from there onward. You are one of the three most precious people in my life. If something happened to you or your brothers, I would be devastated. It would kill me. So, I pretended like nothing was wrong, even while I started watching the twins for the smallest signs that something was going on with them. In the process of pretending, I wasn’t paying attention to the truth. In my delusion that everything was perfectly fine, I pushed you away to continue lying to myself.”
I started to speak, to tell her I understood, but she stopped me.
“I was selfish, Lucy. And it took Lana saying she didn’t even recognize me anymore for me to realize just how selfish I was actually being. Our sister, she doesn’t sugarcoat anything, and she flayed me alive. But I understood why. She loves you just as much as I do. You were her baby for four years before you became mine.”
“Mom—”
“No, please, let me finish.” She inhaled deeply and slowly let it out. “I can never make up to you for what I’ve done this past year. I don’t even know where to begin to make things right between us, and I realize I don’t deserve your forgiveness.” Her chin trembled, and a few tears leaked from her eyes. “But, I’m asking you to anyway. I’m begging you to forgive me and give me another chance to be a part of your life. T-to be your mom again.”
It was my turn to wipe away her tears even as a few more fell from my own eyes. “You will always be my mom. No matter what happens, in my heart, you are my mom. I’ll admit there hasn’t been much in my life that has hurt quite as much as this wall that’s been between us.” She flinched, but I powered on. “But I don’t want to hurt anymore, Mom. I don’t want to go through life without you beside me. You’re not just my sister or my mom. You are one of my closest friends, and I love you so damn much.”
Relief filled her eyes, and she gave me a trembling smile. “I-I kind of won the daughter lottery when I got you, baby.”
I grinned. “Yeah, you sure are lucky.”
Laughing, she grabbed one of the linen napkins and dabbed at her eyes before handing it to me. But after a moment, the laughter died, and her face became pained once again. “I’m so sorry about the wedding. I guess I became motherzilla-of-the-bride. My only excuse is that I wanted everything to be perfect for you.”
I waved away her apology. “It’s not all your fault, Mom. I should have said something instead of letting it get so out of control.”
“Why didn’t you?” she asked in a quiet, soothing voice.
Damn, that was a loaded question. I had so many answers, so many excuses, but in the end, I had kept quiet because I’d wanted everyone to be happy. Yet, in the process, I was the one who had ended up miserable. I’d given up my own happiness for those around me when I never should have compromised my own well-being.
Mom’s eyes widened when I explained that to her. “Baby, don’t you ever—ever—do that again. Nothing is more important to me than your happiness. If that means you have to give me a verbal bitch slap every now and then, so be it.”
“I promise it won’t happen again,” I assured her.
“Dad told me you and Harris are doing all the planning on your own.” Her smile was sad but understanding and reassuring. “How has that been going?”
“I’ve had fun,” I told her honestly, even though I could see that stung her a little. “I’m sorry, but when you were helping me, I couldn’t have fun.”
