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“I’d love that, thanks Billie.” It was the first time he’d said my name, and another shiver ran up my spine. Dammit. I felt so ridiculous, pining like I was still a young teenager.
Pike looked at me for a moment, his eyes dark, and I thought—I hoped—maybe he would say something more—
But then he just shook his head, like he was clearing his thoughts, and he climbed into his car and drove away.
Well, fuck.
I went upstairs to my room after I parked Mom’s car back in the garage, taking care that Mom didn’t see me as I did it. I didn’t feel like chatting about how crazy it was that Pike was back, and did you hear about what he’s been up to, and yada yada yada.
Feeling all of fourteen years old again, I flopped onto my bed and stared up at the ceiling. I’d redecorated it over the years of course but it was still my childhood bedroom and so I still felt kind of like a child staying in it. Especially right now.
Why did I ever think I’d have a chance with Pike? Why had I deluded myself like that? It had brought me nothing but heartbreak. One crazy night wasn’t worth that. Even if I couldn’t get that night out of my head despite four years of trying.
Fuck, would it have killed him to at least acknowledge at some point in the last four years that something had happened between us? It wasn’t his business that I hadn’t seriously dated anyone since then—I certainly hadn’t slept with anyone—but surely, he could’ve said something, just once.
I wouldn’t say that I’d been carrying a torch for Pike. I hadn’t been actively hoping that he would come home and sweep me off my feet. But I hadn’t been able to shake my feelings for him, and that sure as hell had shown up in my inability to be really attracted to anyone else.
Had I been foolish all this time? Should I have worked more to move on? Had I made the wrong decision?
I just didn’t know.
5
Pike
I parked my car in front of the cheapest motel and got myself a room to stay in while I looked for a proper home. It wasn’t much, a tiny dirty room with a cheap Formica table and an eye-searing bedspread and God knew what kind of mysterious stains in the carpet and on the bathtub, but it was a roof over my head and that was all I needed. I’d sure as hell been in worse conditions overseas.
Fuck, this bed was hard as nails. I threw myself onto it anyway, staring up at the ceiling, feeling like a fucking kid all over again. Was it the right decision to return here? I had expected nostalgia and to feel like I was coming home but instead I’d felt out of place and awkward. And seeing Billie…
Seeing Billie was like a fucking punch to the gut. She still looked so sweet, so innocent, and I felt like a heel all over again for sleeping with her, for fucking her—for being her first damn time—and then abandoning her without ever talking to her or following up. I’d written her a single letter after fleeing and had expected her to understand, to care, for my letter to actually make anything better? What a fucking idiot I was.
I should never have given into her that night. But I hadn’t been thinking clearly that night, not with being tipsy and certainly not after I’d had a taste of her, heard her orgasm, felt her flutter around my tongue and wanting to be inside her more badly than I’d ever wanted anything.
She’d been looking at me with her big, bold eyes, glazed over with orgasm, and I had crawled up to kiss her, feeling her shudder as she tasted herself on my tongue.
“We shouldn’t do this,” I’d whispered. “You’re…”
“Do you want me?” she’d replied. “I want you, I’ve wanted you for so long, Pike… I’ve been aching for you for years.”
How could I have resisted her after that?
My hand slid down to my rapidly swelling cock as I lost myself in the memory. Fuck, she had been so eager. So ready to learn. She’d been touching me all over, like she’d wanted to do so many things that her thoughts were overwhelmed. I’d guided her in how to do it, in where to touch and how, whispering soft commands that she’d followed with an eager obedience.
I’d slid my fingers into her, made sure that she was open and ready for me, and she’d been so damn tight at first. I’d kissed her over and over, coaxed her, calmed her, until she was pushing down onto my fingers, soaking wet, mewling with need.
“Pike,” she’d begged. “Pike, Pike, please, give it to me, I want you inside of me, please, Pike please.”
