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She nodded, and when I sat behind my desk, a dazzling smile greeted me. “Yes.” She laid out a dozen cards, all of them different in subtle ways. The fonts and the colors of the words, the color of the paper, even the weight of the paper. They were all just different enough. “Wedding invitations.”
I looked again and frowned. “Why didn’t you consult me on this?” Realizing how heavy handed that sounded, I leaned back in my chair with a sigh. “I didn’t mean it like that, it’s just, are you avoiding me?”
“Nope. Pippa dropped by unexpectedly a few days ago, she gave me all the details I needed. It was completely incidental Chase, I promise.”
I didn’t like the answer, because it didn’t feel like the whole truth, but I nodded, accepting her words at face value. “All right. How have you been?” I hadn’t seen her in a few days.
She smiled softly, it was the kind of smile you live for days on without food or water. “Good. Busy as usual, but good. You?”
“Distracted,” I shot back quickly.
“Chase,” she began, her tone apologetic, but I didn’t want an apology or sympathy.
“Tell me,” I rushed in quickly, interrupting her. “How am I supposed to pick one invitation when they’re all identical?”
She laughed as I hoped she would, the melodic sound removing much of the tension from the room. “Not quite identical,” she grinned. “Just look at each of them carefully, and tell me which ones call out to you, or which you find most pleasing to the eye.”
“You’re pretty pleasing to the eye,” I told her honestly. She’d shown up in a sexy butter colored dress that emphasized the summer sun that had kissed her chest and shoulders, bouncy brown waves and red lips. She was gorgeous. “Can we just put this picture of you on the invitations?”
“For your sister’s wedding? That would hardly be appropriate.” Her tone was admonishing, but her smile gave away the truth.
“That’s okay. Pip’s always been a little inappropriate.”
She laughed outright at that. “I’ll be sure to tell her you said so.”
“She knows the truth,” I shot back as my smile grew even wider as we stared at each other for a long time. Then my smile dimmed. “I miss you Carlotta.”
“I’m here now Chase, and we saw each other just a few days ago.” Her tone came out gentle, but I could see the longing in her eyes. She missed me too.
I shook my head. “That was for sex. I miss hearing your voice and talking to you.” Who knew that losing her from my life would feel like a lost limb? We’d been friends for most of our lives, but not how we were friends now, and losing that as swiftly as I did, felt like I’d lost my best friend.
“Well you can hear my voice tonight when we take more photos of the barn.”
That wasn’t enough. “Have dinner with me after? We’ll go wherever you want.” I needed to spend time with her again. Maybe our connection wasn’t as powerful as I imagined, maybe it really was just lust, and another date would prove that.
Carlotta’s expression shifted to surprise, her perfect brows dipped in confusion. “Why?”
“Because Carlotta, I miss talking to you and hearing your take on things. I miss the sound of that sexy drawl of yours. I miss you, period and I want that back.” That admission was difficult but it was the truth. “I just miss you Car.”
Her lips tugged into a reluctant grin at the nickname. “I miss you too Chase, but this is for the best. For both of us.”
“I don’t think so.” Missing her like this was untenable, unsustainable for me. I couldn’t miss her like I did and be the mayor the town elected me to be. “If being in public is what it takes to have you back in my life, fully and completely, that’s what I’m willing to do.” It felt so good to get the words out, difficult as they were, but they were out there now and things could go back to normal.
Or so I thought.
Carlotta’s expression shifted, and she shook her head, refusing rather than accepting my compromise. “I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to do Chase, such as appearing in public with me and giving people the exact right impression of why we’re spending time together.”
“This is the compromise I thought you wanted.” Now I was just confused as hell.
“No, this isn’t a compromise Chase. This is a sacrifice you’re willing to make just to get what you want. Me. You’ll hate it, and maybe even resent me eventually, so no, I think we should keep going as we have been.”
I huffed my anger and my disgust. “You mean just showing up at each other’s houses for sex and leaving without any laughs or conversation, or even a fucking meal?”She winced at my curse, but I didn’t bat an eyelash because I meant what I said.
“We can always end our sexual relationship if it’s no longer giving you what you need.” Her stiff and formal tone stung. “I miss you too Chase, a lot more than I can possibly tell you, but indulging in something we don’t both want simply because it’ll feel good in the moment…” She stared down at the invitations for a long moment and I wondered if she had more to say, but she just blinked, stood up and walked out of my office.
“Dammit,” I growled in frustration. Why couldn’t she see that I was trying? That I wanted her more than I’d wanted a woman in a long time, and I was willing to compromise so that we both got what we wanted.
But her words, her accusations rang in my head for the rest of the day. Was I simply sacrificing just so I could spend time with her? Would that, as she said, only make the pain worse in the end? Could the pain possibly be any worse than it was now?
