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Chapter Twenty-Six – Tank
I’ve been sitting in the parking lot of San Diego Zoo waiting for Dylan to finish work for an hour now, but I don’t care. It’s better than driving around aimlessly like I have since Jess and I broke up and far less dangerous. I can’t even remember if I stopped at the last red light or not, and that’s when I realized it was better to get off the road.
I didn’t expect tonight to go the way it had. I’d been secure in my knowledge that we were going to spend the rest of our lives together. We’d had an incredible evening with Tatum, and things finally felt like they were settling down again. But when she dropped the kid bomb on me, I reacted.
And badly.
My phone chimes, and I look at the screen lit up with my sister’s text.
Squeak: All done with the surgery, but I’m gonna stay with Sherry till Basil is feeling better and ready to be reintroduced to the troop. Come to the quarantine gorilla enclosure and get the keys.
Me: Be right there.
I make my way to the gorilla enclosure. Dylan had mentioned that Basil, a male gorilla, had charged into the glass last week, leaving him with a detached retina. They’d had to fly a specialist ophthalmologist in to do the corrective surgery. She was stoked to be part of the surgical team. Especially since she’d only just gotten her degree.
I walk around the enclosure, watching the primates all settled in for the night, when I see Dylan heading toward me. Her mahogany hair is tied into a high ponytail.
She’s still twelve feet away when she starts talking. “Holy hell, that was amazing. A-maze-ing.” She repeats. “I wish you could’ve been there. It was so intense. It took forever for the dart to work, and Basil charged us quite a few times since he wasn’t a happy camper, but once he was out, it was great. But his metabolism processes so fast, they had to give him more anesthesia. It was incredible. We’re keeping him in another enclosure for a few hours. Wanna see him?” She hardly takes a breath. Her deep brown eyes, so much like mine, shine with excitement.
I put my hands in my pocket and smile sardonically at my sister. “Hey, Chris, how are you? I’m fine, thanks for asking.”
Dylan waves her hand dismissively but then grabs me in a giant hug.
“Hey, Chris, how are you?” She shoots me a grin. “Better?”
I chuckle. “Yeah. Marginally.”
“So, what’s up? Why do you need the keys to my apartment?”
When our parents died, the inheritance money had gone to Dylan’s tuition and to buy her an apartment. I was already in the Corps by then, and knowing Dylan was taken care of was an immense relief for me. One less thing I had to worry about.
“Jess and I broke up.”
“What? You just got engaged.”
“I know.” I sit on the bench in front of the enclosure. The plaque says “Dedicated to John. Thank you for the wonderful sixty years.” Ironic that I was sitting on a bench representing a couple that stayed lovingly together, and I couldn’t make it work for a year and a half with the love of my life.
“What happened? Did you do something stupid?” Dylan’s words might sting, but she reaches for my hand to comfort me.
“Your faith in me is astounding.”
She shoulder chucks me. “I have heaps of faith. I just know that sometimes you are well… you. You don’t let people in easily, Chris. Not since Mom and Dad died. And you know how you are when you come back from a mission. You’re even worse.”
Fuck, I hate that she’s right.
“This time it wasn’t me. It’s just one of those things. She wants kids, and I don’t.”
“You don’t want kids? Since when? You love kids.” A dark look flashes across her face. “Is this because you had to take care of me after Mom and Dad died?”
“Fuck, no! Dylan, this has nothing to do with you. I just can’t bring kids into this world and not be able to protect them.”
“Chris, that’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. What’s this all about?”
I don’t want to talk about this. If given the choice, I’d go for torture over talking about my feelings any day, but somehow my mouth opens and words fall out. “I couldn’t save Rubi. I couldn’t protect Skyla. Tonight, we babysat Tatum. What if Trent hadn’t snapped out of his serum haze in time? Neither of them would be here. Skyla would’ve drowned because I failed to protect her. It fucking eats me alive that Tatum was so close to not being born, and she isn’t my kid. I can’t take the risk of bringing kids into this world when I can’t protect them.” I repeat what I’d said earlier.
I lean over and squeeze my thumbs into my eyes, and Dylan puts her hand on my back. The contact is comforting but doesn’t ease the hollowness in my gut.
“You did protect Skyla, Chris. You know it wasn’t your fault she got taken. There wasn’t anything you could’ve done, and once they got her back, you were there for her all the time. You even went to her OBGYN appointments with her, for God’s sake. And as awful as it was with Rubi, she was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. You can’t control everything.”
