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Cinq
I want to yell, “Yes!” and give S’Tou a victory hip bump over Jessica’s decision. Her accepting nanos means she’s mine forever. The acceptance also means she’s unable to return to her planet. Instead of reacting with S’Tou, I reach for her, wanting to hold her close.
“No. No hugs right now.” Her hands are up, stopping me. “I need to think through some things.”
“Alone?” I query, following her to the main room until S’Tou blocks my way. “What the pless, S’Tou?”
“Don’t. She needs some time to process the change in plans.” He’s filling the doorway and I’m unable to get by him. “Besides, she’s right. You should have mentioned the communications ability before anything else.”
“I didn’t know she needed to monitor an ill relative,” I try to defend my actions. “She didn’t tell me.”
“Doesn’t matter. We all knew she needed the support of her contemporaries and to be able to ask after possible loved ones back home. If you’d let her go with our people, she’d be safer, happier, and probably full of nanos by now.”
I blink a couple of times, stunned he’s on her side and that there are even sides to this. Even though I know I’m being defensive, I can’t help but counter with, “You could have informed her of our communications ability, too. I’m not the only one here with the tech.”
Instead of being goaded, S’Tou laughs. “She’s my friend but not my mate. It’s not my responsibility to bring her into the empire like it is yours.” He puts his hands on my shoulders. “You have a chance to smooth out the issues between you. I’ve had the fear of Woma 2 drummed into me so much that I’m not comfortable giving her even Earther nanos, but I trust you to program her version to avoid the Gharian datalinks.”
“It’s been a long time since I’ve innovated anything. If I missed the tiniest bit of programming and she were harmed?” I put a hand on my chest to cover the aching already starting there. “I don’t know if I could live without her.”
“You’ve learned a lot from your experiences. My feeling is you should worry more about her feeling trapped here with you.”
“She’s not trapped,” I argue, my voice hollow with the lie.
“Isn’t she? When do you think the next Gharian ship is going to fly by, searching for her?” S’Tou shakes his head. “No, you were wrong in not letting her go with her friend and I was complicit in not protesting your decision.”
Great, because I didn’t feel enough like a fleegan until now. “I need to fix this, but how?”
He shrugs. “I’m not sure. Call the ship and turn yourself in, taking her with you.”
“No,” I blurt out at first, then try to take in and accept his advice. After a couple of nanoseconds, I add, “No. I’m not ready for prison, not even for her.”
S’Tou goes to the tunnel, saying, “Then are you sure she’s your bondmate?” before disappearing.
Pless it all. I hate when he’s right. I don’t need time to think. I know what to do, but I can’t. I begin walking a trail to a place I know too well. When the pain of missing Raylin became too much, I’d hike to a covered perch on the tallest hill. It’s predictable how my feet take me to the same place when my heart’s uneasy. The broad valley stretching out gives me a perspective of how no matter what choice I made, the universe would continue.
I enjoy how the path becomes more difficult to navigate as I climb nearer to the top. The physical difficulty overrides the worrying spiral in my mind until finally, I break free to a small rocky platform. Trees grow around the outcrop, sheltering any occupants sitting there. I settle in on the stone surface despite the cold.
The crashed ship still mars the landscape. Whoever landed the vessel didn’t deserve to live, and yet, don’t they? Everyone on board would have died if not for the pilot’s skills. The soil continues to show the clear paths of escapees on their way to the mountains. Only a slight disturbance remains from Jessica’s run here. The Gharian ship searching for her must have hovered low enough to blur her route.
I lay back with my hands behind my head and stare up at the pale blue sky. A few wispy clouds are overhead. None of them blot out the midday sun. Nice, because the rays warm me. I’ve been running simulations on what to do about Jessica, my bionans, Jessica and my bionans, how the others fit into our future here, and my mind is tired. I close my eyes.
And can only think of Jessica. Even furious at me, she’s the most enticing woman in the galaxy. The most puzzling, too. The harder I work to give her happiness, the unhappier she is. Yes, we’re in a very basic place. No sights to see, no shopping or social life. I open my eyes. Is she a social person? I’d think so, considering how well she gets along with the others here.
Sometimes, the Gharian matching is a little too instant. While the results are always accurate, I think Jessica needs time to get to know me. To learn how I’m not trying to oppress her but I’m usually right about the best course of action. I sigh, frustrated, and sit up. She and I need to be together, alone, and with no distractions. We can air our grievances, she can apologize, I might should apologize, too, and we’ll be happy together.
A sound I recognize echoes through the air and I shake my head, knowing exactly who’s approaching. I open my eyes and sure enough, Quin flies up to gently land on the platform. “You know flying around while the Gharians are in the solar system is a bad idea.”
“You know I keep a watch for visitors.” He walks over to take a seat next to me. “I almost don’t envy you finding a mate.” Staring out in the same direction, he adds, “Seems like more trouble than she’s worth.”
I laugh. “Every good moment with her has been worth any later pain.”
He lies down, too, with his hands clasped behind his head. “Which has me thinking about life after X-113.”
“You mean there’s going to be one?” I joke. “I’d planned on this being the rest of my life.”
Quin gave a couple of clucks. “No, it’s a good hideout but I don’t plan on staying forever.”
I can’t say anything because I don’t blame him for wanting to go. He’s younger than I am and has his life in front of him. Most would say the same of me. Yet, I didn’t see much more for my future than this place until Jessica crashed onto our planet.
