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Jessica
Cinq’s assuming I could leave him shocks me. I sit up from leaning back on the sofa. “Um what? I’m not going anywhere without you.”
“You’ll have to. I’m lucky the empire lets me live here without harassment. Otherwise, I’d have to be imprisoned in a tech free home.”
“You aren’t already trapped?” I ask, not seeing the difference between living isolated no matter where he is.
“I’m not. I choose to be here.” He stands. “Clearly, you all feel trapped and should go when Aard arrives.”
It hurts me to admit this, but I say, “You’re somewhat right. While the cave here is amazing and makes a great vacation home, there’s so much more to see out there.” I don’t add how if I can’t go home to Earth, I certainly don’t want to be stuck here, dependent on Aard, an alien I’ve never met, for what I need. That can be said later when Cinq’s not trying to push us all away.
Crossing over to the replicator, he sighs and comes back to the table for his datapad. “I don’t blame you at all.” He glances at the men before returning to the replicator. “Life is tough here, or at least not luxurious.” He taps on the pad, going over and grabbing the drink when it’s ready. “I have to stay, but none of you need to, especially if you think you’d prefer somewhere else.”
I send a request for fruit juice and get mine as Cinq sits, staring morosely into his. Joining him at the table but sitting across, I let him know, “Look, I only want to leave with you, not without you. If you must live here, then we live here.”
He looks up at me through his eyelashes. “Have you accepted the match, yet?”
I don’t want to admit the truth but can’t lie. Stalling, I take a sip, then answer honestly. “No, not yet. I wanted a little more time to think about it. To get comfortable with the decision.”
“Good. Don’t accept.” He stretches his neck by tilting his head side to side. “Without my tech, my system isn’t nagging me to accept you, so don’t accept me. You’ll be able to leave easier.”
I put a hand on his arm. “You’re not listening to me, Cinq. I’m staying here with you.”
He drains his glass, taking it to recycling and forcing me to let go of him. “There’s no need to. We’re not mates, not really, and there’s a galaxy out there waiting. Go, explore, and if you want to come back, I’ll be here.”
His pushing me away sort of hurts and would certainly break my heart if I thought he was serious. It’s one thing to be waffling over true love or not. Quite another to be rejected. “I’m not sure if you’re giving me a gift or trying to get rid of me.”
“It’s a gift because I want a mate, not a prisoner.” He stands behind me, puts his hands on my shoulders and kisses the top of my head. “One of us living life as a criminal is enough. You deserve the freedom no matter what my status is.”
“Why don’t you take S’Tou up on the offer to intervene on your behalf and rejoin society? Forget your grudge and rejoin society?” Quin lets out a low whistle and Nilt stands, going to his rock collection. As he picks up a small hammer, I frown at their odd expressions. “What? Why have a friend with power if you can’t ask for help when you need it?”
“I won’t have him ask the emperor for anything,” Cinq growls.
“I saw a vein of something interesting out there to dig,” Nilt says on his way out the door.
Quin’s behind him. “Yeah, I need some air. Have fun fighting.”
“We’re not fighting,” I say and swear both men snort, the tunnel echoing the sound. “We’re not.”
“S’Tou and I have argued about the emperor more than once. You know I’m not a fan of the guy, to put it mildly, even though he’s S’Tou’s cousin.”
“So it is personal after all,” I say and begin pacing. “You’d stay here, possibly die alone either in an accident, from an illness, or maybe Aard saying fuck this, delivering out here is too much bother, or from old age, before asking for any help?” Cinq doesn’t look at me. His mulish expression tells me everything. “I see.”
“You have been making an excellent argument for why I should beg for mercy, but I ultimately did nothing wrong by overriding Raylin’s system.”
Aware I’m figuratively standing at the edge of an emotional swamp too old for me to drain, I settle in opposite him at the table. “Did she want you to interfere?”
Several seconds pass before he sighs. “No. She didn’t want the damage repaired and wanted me to let her go. I couldn’t, so broke the law and lost her anyway.”
Ah, there it is. The empire might be punishing Cinq but not as much as he’s punishing himself. I go over to him, wrapping my arms around him. Letting his head rest against my bosom, I press my lips against the top of his head. His hair smells good as I breathe in. “I’m sorry.”
He turns to face me, wrapping his arms around my hips. “So am I. She deserved a longer life and I couldn’t help her.”
I let the comment go unanswered for several seconds, letting my caring vibes flow to him through our touch. We hold each other, me psychically giving comfort to Cinq and him taking. I’m not sure what to say aloud to reassure him of how he’s allowed a happy life despite what happened to Raylin.
Cinq eases away from my arms. “Even though I could spend the rest of my life holding you, there are a few things I want to accomplish today.”
For the life of me, I can’t figure out what there is to do around here. The home is clean, we’re clean, and the guys are gone. I grin, hoping he’s thinking what I’m thinking. “Oh? Like what?”
