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“Nu-uh.”
“I heard she sucked the cocks of forty men,” Tuesday announces and smirks. “Every one of them had an active case of herpes.”
“This!” I yell and wave around between them. “This shit isn’t happening. You need to respect my feelings or get the fuck out of my house.”
“Wait, what?” Ma-Poppy asks, probably stuck on the small issue of how the house belongs to her and my pa.
“Does anyone want to know what I think?” Journey asks.
Justice replies immediately, “No.”
“Probably not, no,” Ma-Poppy adds.
Tuesday shrugs. “I actually feel we could use a man’s opinion on the matter.”
Poppy and Justice love the dig at their big sister’s renowned masculine energy. High fives spread amongst the three youngest blondes.
Journey ignores them and walks over to me. She’s wearing one of her sleeveless tops to show off her brawny biceps. My aunt is a tough, jock-type chick. Well, when she’s not doing ultrasounds to look for baby dicks.
“I think you’ve built this girl up in your head.”
“She’s everything.”
Ma-Poppy instantly blurts out, “Everything wrong with America and humanity and maybe our solar system.”
I roll my eyes while my sister’s laughter involves spitting ice tea at Justice.
“Poppy, control your children!” my aunt hollers.
Shrugging, my ma admits, “I don’t know how. I never got around to reading any of those parenting books people kept giving me for Mother’s Day.”
Still ignoring her sister, Journey pats my shoulder. “Pay attention to me.”
“I’m trying, but they’re so obnoxious.”
“Only a weak man would let their crap distract him.”
Taking the bait, I immediately overly focus on her face. “What?”
“I think you should have fun with this girl and—”
“No!” Ma-Poppy screams at the top of her lungs.
Our female cat—Shirley MacLaine—runs from the family room while Tuesday downs the rest of her spiked ice tea and prepares to spit-take at someone. Justice flinches, assuming she’ll suffer the peach-flavored mouth shower.
“You’re probably making this girl into something she isn’t,” Journey says as women scream and spit behind her. “But how will you know if you don’t spend time with her? Just have fun and see what she’s like. Then, you can decide if you were right about her. If not, no harm. If she is your true love, I humbly ask to be here when you first bring this redheaded Toomey to the house for dinner.”
“This,” I state and look over my aunt’s head to my ma currently wiping ice tea from Justice’s face. Meanwhile, Tuesday sarcastically claps for some reason. “This right here is what support looks like. Thank you, Auntie Journey.”
She smiles brightly. I pretend it’s not because she knows me dating a Toomey will drive her sister crazy. On many occasions, I’ve heard how Poppy was a terrible little sister and deserves tremendous and painful payback. I wouldn’t know about any of that shit. My ma is a dream. Well, except for today with her anti-Alexis crap. Otherwise, she’s perfection.
“I am perfect,” Ma-Poppy announces to her sisters after I share what I’m thinking. “None of your kids adore you like mine do me.”
“Hey, leave me out of this,” Tuesday mutters and makes a fart noise at our mother. When I frown at my sister, she shrugs. “I didn’t have a real one in the chamber.”
Ma-Poppy replies, “Eat more muff cabbage like your brother does.”
Tuesday laughs before realizing Justice has filled her mouth with apple juice. “No, it’s too sticky for my precious hair!”
My aunt chases my sister, accidentally swallows, and has to reload. Ignoring them, I step outside to the porch and admire the warm late afternoon.
One day, Alexis and I will have our own place on the homestead. We’ll sit out on the porch and watch the sunset. Then, we’ll bang like firecrackers inside. And if my fair-skinned dream girl gets overheated, I’ll install a porch ceiling fan. I’ll provide anything she needs to be comfortable.
Hell, I might even allow her Toomey family to visit our place. Yeah, I could just pat them down on their way out to make sure they haven’t stolen anything. Not much different than what we do with my klepto great-grandfather, Zeb Earlham.
All I need to do is make tomorrow perfect so Alexis sees our future as clearly as I do.
