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WEST, AKA LOVESTRUCK OVER A RACCOON
By the time Val andPa-Emmett enter the house, the drama is at average levels. Uncle Court pops his head in to ask if Justice will be home for dinner or should he try feeding himself.
“I think I can remember how a microwave works,” he says, clearly digging at something they’ve bitched at each other about before.
“I can’t cook when Journey’s making Poppy’s dinner for the guest.”
Court glances at Alexis, who stands next to me in the kitchen. She waves and smiles in an overly-happy exaggerated way.
Realizing he might get sucked into drama, Court mutters, “Justice, get your ass up and feed me.”
“I have never!” she grunts and climbs off Christine. “Not even once, ever.”
They glare at each other before Justice smiles and points at Alexis. “You didn’t suck a hundred percent. Congrats.”
With that, my aunt chases my uncle back to their house. Through the window, I see him stop a few times to let her lazy ass catch up.
I look at Alexis and explain, “That’s their foreplay.”
“Yeah,” Tuesday says and stretches out on the couch when Val tries to sit down. “They get super horny when their kids are all out of town. Ma and Pa don’t have such a hang-up.”
Right then, I notice Ma-Poppy molesting my father, who’s wearing the jeans she claims cup his ass so exquisitely. That’s when Christine bails since the view likely itches her gag reflex.
“Where’s Donovan?” Journey asks Emmett.
“At your house, waiting to be fed and serviced sexually.”
“Are those your words or his?”
“Mine, obviously. He fears you too much to admit them out loud.”
Journey snaps her dishtowel at him before stepping back. “I’m leaving the rest of this meal to you, Poppy. Don’t frick it the frick up.”
“Eat a bag of hermit crabs,” Ma-Poppy barks back. “That’s code for herpes.”
“Is it, though?” Tuesday asks after getting shoved over to make room for our brother.
“I don’t think so, no,” Val mutters and puts his feet on the table. “So, what’s the plan tonight?”
“We have a guest,” our father grumbles and walks over to Alexis. “Hello.”
“Sir,” she says and curtsies.
“I want to say that’s not necessary, but I kinda like it,” Pa-Emmett replies and reaches into the fridge for a beer. “Is everyone being nice to you?”
“It’s been a warm welcome tsunami.”
My father looks at me and nods. “I get it. She’s a redheaded version of your mom.”
“No,” I insist.
“Yeah, I’m not whatever you think Alexis is,” Ma-Poppy says and moseys over to finish dinner. “Unless you think she’s great. Then, she’s like a carbon fricking copy.”
Alexis scrambles away from my now horny parents. I wave off their behavior and smile at my dream girl.
“Ignore them.”
“Or,” she says and wraps her hands around me before cupping my ass like my ma is currently doing to my pa, “we could mimic the lessons from their long marriage.”
