AllFreeNovel
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I kiss Alexis and get into a horny competition. Of course, I lose since my parents can just go to their bedroom and fuck while I’m forced to finish dinner.
“Poppy’s nervous,” Tuesday says and joins us in the kitchen. “She thought West and Val might never find keeper-vaginas. Then, she’d never need to add a new member to the family until I got knocked up by whatever man I was in love with that week.”
“Well, this vagina is a keeper,” I announce before realizing that doesn’t sound as romantic as I intended.
Alexis smiles up at me and then checks the food. “So what do you fancy house people do in the evenings? Is it Jenga? Watch Grand Ole Opry and make fun of their outfits? Prayer circle?”
“We watch a movie and mock anyone who has feelings,” Tuesday responds. “Well, normally, these two sweaty jockstraps would be out in the world jizzing on giddy sluts.”
Val snorts. “And you’d be out looking to get jizzed on.”
“No, big brother, I prefer to get jizzed in. No money shots on a Tuesday.”
“Do you like your name?” Alexis asks before lowering the heat on the stove.
“Yes,” my sister hisses and shoots a dirty look at me.
Alexis turns around and smiles at Tuesday. “My dad said only attractive or weird people can get away with unique names. He figured he could pull off a wilder name than Gary. But our neighbor Helix was too lame and really needed a boring name to stop drawing attention to herself.”
“Did she insult me?”
“Are you attractive?” I ask Tuesday, who nods approvingly. “Then, shut up.”
My sister waves off my comment. “Why don’t you go with the name ‘Lexi’ all the time and not just as a clown?”
“Because Lexi sounds like a bubbly bitch who offers hugs.”
“Don’t I know it,” Val says from the couch. “Alexis is classy. Like an upscale call girl.”
I nearly launch myself at him before my dream girl wraps her fingers around my wrist.
“I’ll take the compliment.”
I plant a kiss on her smiling lips. Tuesday decides we’re gross and walks away. I trap Alexis against the fridge and molest her sexy body until my father returns to play the cockblock master.
“Holster that thing,” Pa-Emmett says and shoves the dinner rolls into the oven. “Let the girl keep her modesty.”
“Sorry, sir,” Alexis says and casually strokes my cock before returning to the stovetop. “Is your wife recuperating from her modesty overload?”
Pa-Emmett frowns at me as if I should have brought a soft, snark-less woman into our house of sarcasm. Stroking the back of Alexis’s head, I smirk at my father. There’s not a damn thing I don’t like about my dream girl. Even when she gets overheated and turns bright pink, I get a boner.
“We were talking,” Poppy announces after returning to the family room, flushed and sweaty. “Your father wanted to discuss car insurance.”
“She’s a smooth liar,” my father says and goes to his couch recliner.
Ma-Poppy checks out everything on the stovetop before asking Alexis, “Do you think you could finish dinner?”
“I don’t know how to cook.”
“But dinner looks great.”
“That’s mostly your sister.”
“Never say that to her face,” Poppy insists. “Compliments give Journey wet farts.”
“I’ll finish cooking it,” I tell my ma, who gasps in response. “I just stir shit, right?”
“I’ll help,” Tuesday announces. “I should practice for when I’m married to a handsome sweaty man and the mother of his sticky children.”
